FERPA and visiting school

[chuleta]

Hi all, I am new here, have read a few pages in the site and found it helpful.  My husband has a very difficult relationship with his ex-wife who has custody of his son.  We recently got a call from the woman's current husband.  He told us that my husband's ex that has been allowing my 15-yr old stepson to stay home from school, (resulting in failing grades), stay out til the wee hours, and more unpleasant things!  Anyway, we decided to look into this and get his school records, just so we're not relying on heresay to know what's going on.  My husband doesn't usually talk to her because she's nasty, but her husband could just be stirring up trouble.  

So, anyway, the principal told us he'd check with his boss, and it would take a few days.  I then went over the principal's head and called the superindentent after waiting for a response for 4 days -- at least the person in the superintendent's office knew our rights and lit a fire under the principal's butt -- they've sent us the records and we should have them tonight or tomorrow.

Anyhoo, my question is this - if my husband wants to go to his kid's school and meet with the principal and guidance counselor, is it a violation of privacy issue if I go along?  My husband wants me there for support (so he doesn't lose his temper), but I was wondering if the principal could say I can't sit in.  I'm sure the stepfather has been to parent-teacher meetings, but the boy lives with him.  Do I have a right to be there, too, and discuss his performance?  We're in New York State.  Thanks in advance for any help/opinions on this!

[ocean]

Hi,
I work in NY and in my school you would be allowed to be apart of the meeting as long as your DH was there.  There is no legal law against it unless it is in your custody papers that step-parents can not be there(which we have seen before).

[Mediator]

I would suggest considiring having the school send the father status reports ona regular basis.  They probably would support sucha  notion considering the mother is not properly supporting the child's education.

Why hasn't the father been going to parent teacher conferences etc?  The father could and should be significantly more involved even though he does not have "custody".

By the way; are you refering to the mother being the custodial parent and that she has sole decision making authority or does the father have joint decision making authority when it comes to issues such as education?

[chuleta]

Hi, thanks for the response.  Just an FYI, my husband hasn't been a part of regular school meetings because we live a few hours away.  And we were not aware we could attend.  Thanks again.

[Mediator]

I would suggest contacting both the school and teachers to design a creative arrangment so that you are all kept up to date on all school issues.  Don't limit this to formal P/T conferences.  Consider email, phone, fax, web postings etc.  You could even supply the teacher with a webcam for the P/T conference if viewing face to face is important. Imporatnt documents could be shared just prior to the meetings or posted to the website for joint viewing.  Leverage technology.  This is where it can come in handy.  Just don't expect the school or teacher to take the lead, this is your husband's child and he must demonstrate interest enough and provide many of the resources to the overworked teachers.

Attending the conferences should have been addressed in the divorce decree.  Any good agreement includes enough detail that allows for effective involved parenting.  If the agreement does not specifically address this then I suggest that the agreement in its entirty be reviewed for its comprehensiveness.  New clients of mine just showed me an agreement that their attorneys drew up a couple of years ago that did not even address parenting time when one parent moves out of state.  Relevant agreements are possible and important to create. Agreements that do not cover important detail do not serve the child.

[wysiwyg]

As a side note I am going to throw my 2 cents in here, my DH's ex purposely left dad's name and number off the school records as parent/guardian and when we tried to get info and even pick up the child from school we were disallowed the info or to take the child (even though mom was called to verify that dad was who he said he was she still denied us to do that - but we went becasue she told us to pick the child up at school- another long story) anyway, you might make sure that dad is named as dad on the childs school records then do whatever is necessary to participate within your capacity given the living difference.

If dad is not named on the school records perhaps a petition to the court to find her in contempt will get that taken care of.  DH's ex got found in contempt for this and even the attorney for the school gave us records that he said BOTH parents are entitiled to.  

[Mediator]

Good point.  It would seem that multiple strategies are in order to secure access to the child's records and teachers.

1) assure that the divorce decree specifically provides permission to access simply by showing the decree and proof of identity.

2) Immediately after the decree contact the school and make sure they have the information they need to comply.

3) As a parent (two year old son) I do not understand why both parents would not already have been listed with the school prior to any divorce.  the only way I see a potential problem is if there is a change of school.

[wysiwyg]

Another thing we have run into - even though our Decree states that "Both parents have the right to access any and all information pertaining to the minor child from each other or any third party..."  the school claimed they are/were not a party to the court order therefore do not have to provide the info.  HOwever, if you go to the school and prove you are the cooperative, sane party, you get alot further with them and they end up turning to you instead of the crazed parent.  We have run into that with the medical personell as well, even the laws, teh decree, and HIPAA allowing for info they still want an exact signed form from the CP spelling out what exsactly the NCP can receive.  We still fight in mediation and litigation to get info as to why the child was at the doctor and what meds he is on etc etc etc.  FYI, scouts and private sporting clubs also refuse to give up info to NCP.

[Mediator]

Interesting.  I think the decree must state that the custodial parent gives consent to and requests the organization to provide information to the other parent.  In that way their wishes are already in writing and the school does not need to be a party to the decree.  The standard language I have seen and use myself fo rmy clients make it very clear that the decree is all they need.

If an organization for some reason refuses information under these conditions a letter from an attorney threatening a law suit should quickly shake things up enough.

[wysiwyg]

I always thought that the decree was sprcific enough, "Each parent shall be entitled to immediate access from the other, or from any third parties, to records and information pertaining to the minor child including, but not limited to, medical, dental, legal, health, school and educational records. "  Although medical personell and school employees state they are not a named party to the courts order, they do not have to comply.  The same goes for private organizations such as day care records, and sporting events.  Even with legal intervention we have been unsuccessful at obtaining the info, and it gets quite costly whenthey bring in their attorney's.

As far as the medical, not only do we have the decree, we have a HIPAA forms that BM signed stating that fahter (named) can have all access to information regarding medical and financial, by fax, email, or phone machine messages, etc AND a form done by the attorney's signed by mom that states that father shall have all access to all info, doctors refuse to turn the insurance info over to dad because they state that the forms asked for, need to be precisely spelled out or we can not get them, ie billing information for our share of medical costs.