Normal Anxiety?

[IceMountain]

My son is 7 years old and going into the 2nd grade.  He has what I always believed to be 'normal childhood fears'.  I picked him up today after he spent a week with his mom.  She is the CP.  I am exercising my summer parenting time with him.  He has spent 4 weeks with me and we are starting his fifth and final week.  I'm concerned that maybe what I thought was normal may not actually be normal.

My son is completely afraid of the dark.  For example:  Tonight we were at my parent's house.  I was sitting in the living room with my mom.  My niece walked down the hallway towards the front door so my mom asked my son to go check on her.  He got to the edge of the kitchen and just froze.  We were about 10 to 15 feet from him in a well lit living room and he walked to the edge of the kitchen, which also had lights on, and just stopped.  He would not go any further to retrieve my niece because the hallway was not lit up.

I asked my son to take a shower while we waited for pizza delivery.  He has troubles turning the handle on the bathroom door and usually asks for help.  (When my 17 month old niece is here, we keep the bathroom door closed.)  I started the water for him, gave him towels and shampoo and walked out closing the door behind me.  He opened the door back up 'just a crack' and wanted to shower with it open.  He said he was afraid he would not be able to open the door again.  Sometimes when he is in the bathroom and can't get the door handle to turn he starts to have what some might call a panic attack.  He gets all nervous and just starts yelling.  When we open the door for him he will just have a look of panic and relief on his face.  

Earlier in the night, my son was having some problems with gas.  I asked him if he needed to try to go to the bathroom.  He said 'no' but I asked him to please try.  He went in but came running out of the bathroom in less than a minute.  I asked if he had taken care of business and he said he didn't try, but went pee then gave me that 'please don't make me stay in here' look.  I asked him again to please try and promised I would wait right outside the door.  He did go back in and took care of business, but was not comfortable until he knew I was right there.

This afternoon we were at the in-laws house.  My son and I went to the basement (finished) to look at some stuff of my father-in-laws.  My son was standing 2 feet from me when he heard a thump from upstairs.  He jumped and literally ran to my side.

This is just one day's worth of him freaking out.  The homes we were visiting we visit often so it's not that he's not familiar with them.  In fact, we lived with my parents for almost a year so he is very familiar and should be very comfortable in that home.  

Another thing I've noticed... the last two weeks that he was with me, as soon as it would get dark he would want to 'go for a walk or a bikeride or something', anything to get out of the house.  He would claim he wanted to go exercise because 'I need to lose some weight' (which is another totally different issue... his mom is on weight watchers) but would not want to do these things until dark.  I have no problem exercising with my son and we did go for several walks at this time, but when we get back it's let's play this game, let's watch a movie, etc. etc.  Again, I think it goes back to being afraid of the dark and going to bed even though he has a small lamp we keep on for him in his bedroom.  I remember when I was about 12 I would hate being home alone at night.  When my parents were gone, I would sit outside in the yard or on the porch.  For some reason I felt safer there than in the house.

It is seriously causing me to be concerned but I don't know if I am over-reacting or if this is normal for a 7 year old.  I am the NCP.  He reacts the same way in my home as he has today at his grandparents homes.  I'm considering putting him in counseling, but am afraid I am over-reacting.

I do not intentionally make my son go to areas that will make him uncomfortable.  The hallway and bathroom should not be scary places, especially when there are adults within 15 feet of where you are.

At first I would tease him that if he would stop watching Buffy and Angel and scary/freaky movies with his mom he wouldn't get so freaked out at little stuff.  I really thought that was all it was.  Now I'm not so sure.

Can anyone shed some light?  

[TPK]

Sounds normal to me. Being afraid of the dark is common for young children. If she is watching Buffy then that would certainly contribute to the fears. When I was young I was a HUGE monster movie fan. I'd watch these movies with delight, but would be scared to death afterwards. I'd have nitemares about them, but for some reason I kept sitting in front of that TV to watch the next one.

I used to watch Godzilla with my Dad. At the end of every Godzilla movie, Godzilla could be seen walking back out to sea. One time I asked "daddy where is Godzilla going now?".....he told me he was coming to our house!!!!.

Your child will grow out of it in the future, I wouldn't be all that worried about it.

TPK

[jilly]

I have to disagree with TPK.  Sure, it's normal for kids (and adults) to have fears about certain things but your son has an excessive amount of fears, in my opinion.

Have you tried talking to him or does he clam up or say "I don't know"?

I think I'd talk to a psychologist/therapist about this and get their opinion.  If they feel like there's other issues then you can make an appointment for your son to talk to them.

Children should not go around in fear all the time.

[TPK]

Jilly, I take no offense to you disagreeing with me. But....if the child is watching Buffy which can seem very scarey to children, this could directly lead to the child being afraid of the dark and being alone.

The child could think that something lurks in the dark, and thus does not want to be alone. Of course if child isn't watching any TV like this, than maybe the behavior being exhibited is not normal.

I'm just going by my experiences when I was a child. I also see this behavior in my nephew who is 5 and niece who is almost 4.

Heck, sometimes when I watch a documentary about a haunting I start looking around the room myself :)

TPK

[jilly]

LOL...I get that way when I read a Stephen King book!

I do agree that watching scary movies or shows can affect a child.  My oldest daughter (26) used to love watching Freddie Kruger.  Of course, it came on wayyyy after her bedtime but that didn't stop her from sneaking into the livingroom to watch it.  Then we'd have to deal with her "seeing" Freddy Kruger 1) hiding in her closet, 2) looking at her through the bedroom window or 3) standing beside her bed.  She would also have nightmare about alligators eating the people she loves. Growing up can be pretty scary!

I would think, though, that if the reasons for the extreme anxiety and/or fear is due to watching too much Buffy or some other scary stuff that the child would be saying stuff like "I don't want to go into the hallway because I'm afraid a vampire might get me."

My 7 year old stepdaughter just recently had a very short fear of the dark in our house.  She told her Daddy she was afraid of ghosts.   Where the he$$ did that come from??!!!  No telling what her Mama lets her watch.

[IceMountain]

The dark and noises seem to be his top two fears.  

Another example from a couple weeks ago: him and I were sitting at the table playing a game.  We were in the kitchen and the radio was on in the living room.  I believe there were not lights on in the living room, but in our apt. the rooms run together so the kitchen light fled into the living room.  Anyway, several times during the game he would hear bass or backup voices to songs or something from a song and just freeze and say 'what was that?'  

After several times I said 'XXXXX what is wrong?  Why are you freaking out?'  He replied that there might be wolves out there and pointed to the living room window.  We talked about where wolves live, etc. and it seemed to help a little, but not completely.  

As far as the scary movies and stuff, I wish his mother would not let him watch them, but I can't do much when it is in her home and she sees them as appropriate.  I've tried talking to her about it, but she doesn't seem to think there is anything wrong with it yet acknowledges the fears he has.  Even if the fears of dark and noises don't stem from the movies, it sure can't help to have him get freaked out about something from a movie on top of the way he already freaks out.

NOW, on another note.  My mom was observing his behavior yesterday.  After he was settled on the couch watching cartoons, she pulled me aside.  She could not believe the way he was acting.  In her opinion she believes that my son is being left alone at night.  She truly believes that it is not normal for a child to be spooked by so much, on familiar territory, and in such a short period of time.  I told her that I agreed and thought it was excessive, but thought maybe I was reading too much into it.  After reading both of your replies, I am still confused!

[jilly]

LOL...it's all TPK's fault! :P  (Just kidding!)

Seriously...what it all boils down to is your gut feeling about your child.  Cause the bottom line is: you know your child better than we do.

It is just MY opinion that this needs further investigation; especially if you feel like he may be left at home alone at night.

[dontunderstand]

Has it gotten worse?  You said he was always like that.  My daughter started freaking out, wouldn't go to sleep by herself, wouldn't be by herself, was scared by the "bad man" had to go with me to lock all 4 locks on the door, etc...I would call BD(NCP) and he would tell me all was fine when she was with him it was just me and my house.  (Ya right!)  It ended up being far worse than anything I could have ever imagined.  Needless to say, talk to him, and let him know that he can talk to you about anything and that he will not get into trouble for telling you what is going on.  You can ask BM, but again you probably won't get a straight answer...Good luck!

[TPK]

Sure, blame it on me why don't ya ;)

I'm gonna send Godzilla to YOUR house Jilly!!!! :7



Seriously though, if you think your child is behaving odd due to some fears, perhaps you should take him/her in and have it checked out as Jilly has suggested, that is up to you.

We all have fears, even as adults, so I don't find child's behavior to be extremely abnormal. Maybe I'm just warped from watching all those monster movies. I must admit, when I'm channel surfing and happen upon an old monster movie.......I just gots to watch it!


Best of luck to you.


Boo!

TPK

[jilly]

EEEKKKKK!!!! You scared me!! :7

And of course I blame it on you...you're a man and a Yankee...but at least you're not a damn Yankee!   LOL :P


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