This may be too complicated

[Teddy]

Just found the web-site and am looking for advice for my DH.  I'm the step-mother of three great kids 9, 8 and soon to be 7.  I've been in their life for over 4 years.  Here's the story:

The mother fell in love with my husbands best friend.  She told my husband he could have the kids and moved out.  He filed for divorce.  For three months prior to her leaving, she did not pay any bills and the house was close to be forclosed on (he went bankrupt with the divorce).

Her lawyer made her move back in with him and the kids otherwise it would be abandonment.  She had him arrested several times for unfounded violence and he always was cleared.  Once the parenting plan were agreed upon she moved in with the boyfriend.

It was over a year when the divorce date was set, and she was asked if she was pregnant, she answered yes.  My husband had a vasectomy right after the third child was born (2 years earlier), so it was obviously the boyfriends child.

However, the courts will not grant a divorce while the woman is pregnant.  So, they had to wait 8 months and then the child was sick.  It was during this time that I met my husband.  

We gradually introduced me to the children and of course I fell in love with them as well.

There has been issues with her verbally abusing the children, telling them that Daddy and I don't love them and the usual cruel things.  

We spend $3,500.00 in legal fees to get the children to come to our wedding, when in court she said it was worth a try and she knew she had a 50-50 chance of winning.

My husband has joint custody and we get them every night.  Now she has 4 year old and 1 year old with the boyfriend and they're having problems.

The school called DCF last year on her and a nurse called DCF in January.  DCF interviewed the children infront of the mother whom already had the scared to say anything.  My husband called DCF and told them they failed our children because we talked with them the night before, not on what to say, but that the truth is always best.  I was home picking up the kids from school that day and DCF interviewed them knowing that my husband could not have trained the kids what to say before hand.

When asked to the oldest child does she fear for her younger brother and sister when they are left with mom, she answered yes.  Among other things. Unfortunatly all this did was put her on notice and now she wants to move out of state to get a fresh start.

In January she told the boyfriend she was having an affair but it's now over.  He hooked up video and voice in the house to see how she treats the kids.  

Last Friday the boyfriend called my husband and said she's packed everything up and is moving out of state and the cops were there.  We grabbed our divorce decree and go there quick enought to get our three kids.

We were hoping (which is so negative) that this would be the last of their relationship so we could go get temporary full custody and then full custody.

By the way, she has had the boyfriend arrested three times for domestic violence which all were dropped by her the next day.

My question is how much more do the kids need to take?  I've wrote just a few of the mean things she has done, but there is a ton more.

My husband and I have gone to children phsyiologiest to make sure we're handling things the right way.  We've interviewed several lawyers, some say we don't have a case yet.  

We're tired of the kids being in limbo!!

Sorry this is a long read, any suggests would be appreciated.

[Kitty C.]

I take it you got the kids when you went over there?  If she's moving out of state and there's anything in the CO that specifically states either it must be agreed upon by both parents and/or the court to remove the kids from the state/jurisdiction, then she would either be taking them illegally or abandoning them again.

Sounds like you have an ally in the BF.  Is he willing to share any video or audio he might have?  Cuz if you now have the kids, she's split the state, and the old BF is willing to 'help out', you have an EXCELLENT case for reversal of custody and I'd be going for sole legal and physical, with supervised visitation to BM.  She's already proven abandonment, has a record of filing false DV charges, and been investigated by DCF, grounds enough to ask for sole and supervised.  If the old BF has any 'interesting' video, it would solidify your case that much more.  And get a copy of that police report!  It's public info and will put proof in your case.

Use the old BF if you have to, and in return assist him if he's trying to save his kids as well.  I hope he didn't allow her to take his kids!  But get an atty. and file for emergency custody............NOW.

[smtotwo]

There a ALOT of second wives here, Kitty and I are only two of them.  THis site has a wealth of info please use as often as you feel the need
and congatulations on stumbling into this site.  I've been here over 4 yrs and we couldn't hve gotten as far as we did without it!!

GOOD LUCK to you and the kids.

[Teddy]

Neither parent has the right to move without 60 days written notice to the other and the court, but only in two counties of our state which are side by side.  If one moves out of state they give up their rights to the children.

However, if she left it probably would still be a battle because she can say she's afraid of us.  ( no reason to be).

We were able to get the kids that night and the police made them split up their two children between them.  The boyfriend and her do not have a parenting plan in place, and she told the cops that they were not his kids.

This happend last Friday as my husband and I were going out of town for business the next day.  He stayed home with the kids and kept them until today.  Her and her boyfriend are back together.  She told my husband they were going to counciling, however the boyfriend call and said that was not that case and he does not see the situation getting any better.  She has threatened him over and over that he would never see his two kids and he believes it.

He had the house rigged for video, but he never turned it on!  So, I don't think there is anything there.

Thanks for your help.  I have a letter going out today to DCF and have requested the police report.

[Kitty C.]

She can cry anything she wants to, contempt is contempt, and her taking off out of state, and ESPECIALLY leaving the kids behind, will just nail her coffin shut that much tighter.

If you don't mind my asking, why did your DH take the kids back?  As irratic as she has been acting, you should have filed for an emergency custody hearing and refused to take the kids back, for fear of their safety with her and because she's threatening to be a flight risk.

You need to get REAL close to this BF of hers.  If he hasn't filed for paternity, has his name on the birth certificates (AND has copies of them personally), he better get moving, cuz as long as there isn't anything legal binding him to his kids, she can take off and go wherever she wants with them.  In fact, you might want to give him the web site info from here, sounds like he's gonna need the help.  And tell him to get that damn equipment turned on!

Remember one thing about these crazy BM's.  They will cry and accuse and blame and threaten anything they want, but as long as you have some kind of court order, NOTHING she says is carved in stone.  It's all allegation and intimidation.  It's the weapons these POS's use to get what they want and get away with their BS.  Many fall for it, but if you see it for what it truly is, it makes it easier to deal with.

[Kitty C.]

She can cry anything she wants to, contempt is contempt, and her taking off out of state, and ESPECIALLY leaving the kids behind, will just nail her coffin shut that much tighter.

If you don't mind my asking, why did your DH take the kids back?  As irratic as she has been acting, you should have filed for an emergency custody hearing and refused to take the kids back, for fear of their safety with her and because she's threatening to be a flight risk.

You need to get REAL close to this BF of hers.  If he hasn't filed for paternity, has his name on the birth certificates (AND has copies of them personally), he better get moving, cuz as long as there isn't anything legal binding him to his kids, she can take off and go wherever she wants with them.  In fact, you might want to give him the web site info from here, sounds like he's gonna need the help.  And tell him to get that damn equipment turned on!

Remember one thing about these crazy BM's.  They will cry and accuse and blame and threaten anything they want, but as long as you have some kind of court order, NOTHING she says is carved in stone.  It's all allegation and intimidation.  It's the weapons these POS's use to get what they want and get away with their BS.  Many fall for it, but if you see it for what it truly is, it makes it easier to deal with.

[wendl]

Welcome, I am a mom of 1 and a stepmom of 2
:)

If she leaves the state with the children without giving you notice that is parental kidnapping.

You need to talk to this b/f of hers and work together, 1 for you to get those kids and 2 for him to get his kids.

Document document, you will hear that a lot around here.

Read everything you can on this site too.



**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**