On dealing with a step-child........

[sherrie ohio]

I need advise on dealing with my SD.This past fall she has started acting out were it's becoming a real problem.
The backtalking,refusing to do enything and physicaly mistreating her younger brother.(more than normaly done),and more.
Now we have found her digging through my personal papers,diarys and even bills.And caught her reading my e-mail.
We have tried to talk to her but it's not working.Please any thoughts or advise is welcome.          
                                       thanks....

[4honor]

Locks

and


passwords

Honestly, you do not have the time with this child to make a real difference at this stage in her life.

Protect yourself: lock up everything and keep your computer on a password protected screen.... make it off limits totally to her when at your home.

Have DH sit down with the child and enforce a "my house my rules stance" with her and make sure he is backing you up.

She is a child. You are the adults. Do not treat her as a friend. Your JOB is to get her to adulthood in one piece. That includes mentally. You are doing no favors in being nice when she is behaving abomidibly.. no adult would stand for that from another adult... so bring her  to that level.

[dontunderstand]

I agree!  Do what you need to to protect yourself!  Let her know that you love and respect her and you expect her to respect you, your stuff and your house and you will accept nothing less!  Make sure that you are consistant and that you and DH are on the same page!  Good luck!

[sherrie ohio]

We have tried everything we can think of with this child.Talking,takeing away items and not allowing her to go places/do things she likes.And once and a blue moon she gets a spanking from dad.I dont know how you all feel about spanking,but there has been some times that was all that would get through to her.
Now she starting this deal of going through my stuff.It's my e-mail,personal papers and items she mainly went through.The only thing connected to her dad was the bills.
I know this sounds strange but i wonder if her mother didnt put her up to it.This all started several months back when BM family seen us in town with her.SD was talking with me and laughing and acting silly.Also she wanted this item at that store and i got it for her.BM family wouldnt speek at all to me.After that weekend my SD started changing.
I feel like i'm running into a wall with her.I dont like being the evil SM,but i cant have her going through my things.When ever enything is mention to BM she's always, i bet you didnt get after your other kid.Our child doesnt go through our papers,bills and personal papers!
So now we have went over house rules with both kids at the same time.Told them both what would happen if their caught doing these things.And have moved all papers into the bedroom and put a look on the door.
We have rewarded good behavior from both children .But good behavior from her seems to no longer happen.And its a shame because i see a child that could be a realy charming/loveing child if guided right.
I just wish there was some way of making it better.I dont feel like spending the next several years haveing to play the mean SM.

[dontunderstand]

It doesn't sound funny at all.   I bet BM did put her up to it.  Ours does all the time.  And it usually is out of jealously, so you are probably right on.  Just be patient and consistant and she will out grow this "game" of "mommy says"...

[flewwellin]

Put a parental lock on the computer so she can't even access it at all, as for your papers and such keep them locked away in a safe or something that she can't get in to.  

[wendl]

Isn't that the truth.

Put locks on your personal stuff, bills etc, and a parental control and locks on your computer.

We have locks on our bedroom door and each child has their own ability to get into their area ONLY of the computer. DH and I have a seperate password to login to our computer.

And another good source especially with pre teen and teenages is a keg logger. My 13yrs has not clue we have a key logger, it logs every keystroke he does on the computer and then we save them and read them.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[mishelle2]

how old is sd? my stepson is 12 he has been asking a crap load of ?? regarding dh income... that he has NEVER asked before.. like dad.. how much money do you make an hour now?? well we know what is going on.. bm's parents bought her a house.. payment is huge.. there thinking.. hmmm how much more $$ can we get from dear ol dad.. .....

also,, what do you all think of this.. ss would like to see dad more.. however bm tells son that its fair how it is since he is the only child she has and dad has other kids that he gets to see. And what would she do if he was with dad more..   Shes even told dad and me this.. drives me nuts.....and judge in our case is bias and isnt concerned with "best interest of child" even stated that if mother is a good mother she sees no need to have child with father....!!!
What I see this as saying is:  because she is a looser and has no chance of getting a good man  (her fiance left her...)in her life that ss doesnt deserve to know his father...
So I would like to talk to ss about this as I think it may bother him, and he usually opens up with me as he feels pretty close to me..  but I dont want to come across like Im picking on his poor mom...
What would you all do???/