Body Piercings

[true]

Hi there,

Say, I am curious how many parents if any have gone through issues with body piercings.

At this point in time my children imho are too Young to make these types of choices adequately.

Last summer after going on a week long vacation out of state Virginia Beach both children came home with piercings. We had spoken of piercings prior and both children had been told "No" that at the age of 11 and 15 they were too young.

Needless to say at that time they came home with a belly button pierced and tongue pierced.

Okay, so I about died and lost it totally when I saw them. Spoke with the Ex who in no certain terms told me that, "It's their body they can do what they want with it".  I lost my temper then. I spoke to each child repeatedly in many different ways telling them they do Not have Permission to do piercings.

Okay so fast forward to this year. Each child came home with a lip and eyebrow pierced. Holly Hannahs, what the heck is the ex thinking!!!

I just dont get it and obviously I cant stop it as we share joint custody.


Thanks,
true

[lucky]

We made the kids remove the hoops, studs, etc. when they were home.  )(  We told them that they could wear the stuff at mom's but the rules were only regular ear piercings here (only two per ear on the lobe boy or girl).

Funny how quickly those holes close up.  Specially the tongue.

Besides, if it's "their body, they can do what they want with it", WHY does it require a parent's signature to get it?

On the other hand, the ex could be getting them tattoos.  Piercings aren't permanent (although I/we still wouldn't allow them), tats are.

[em]Lucky

Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
- Will Rogers[em]

[cathy]

I think they were 13 and 14 when they got them done.  The older girl said it was something she had always wanted.

Neither girl is an exhibitionist - and the only time you can even see they have their belly button pierced is the few times in the summer they were a bikini up to the pool.  (They both even opted for one pieces this year, so don't even seen them then!)

They both have had multiple ear piercings, and ear catridge - although I think both of them have let that close up.

I don't know - we originally told them when they were 16, but they finally wore their dad down.  He just didn't think it was worth arguing about anymore and really - it just didn't seem to be that big of a deal to us.  Also, we thought it was a fairly mild and innocuous method of rebellion - - much better than the numerous other forms of rebellion they could have opted for!

So far as their mother?  I'm sure she would have a cow if she knew.

EDITED TO ADD:  So far as facial piercings - - ah, no way!  Luckily they haven't wanted to do that.  If they had it done and came home, they would be required to remove it and let the piercing heal.  

[step_momma_2boys]

We had this same issue come up w/ my then 8 yr old SS last year.  We took my SS's back to BM and the same day she got younger SS's ear pierced at the fair in a not really clean booth, of all places.  The following week when DH picked up SS's for a few days, he didn't notice it because BM had put a band-aid over it so that DH wouldn't see it and confront her about it.  What kind of message did that send to SS, I have to wonder.  Anyway, we felt that at 8 yrs old, a boy can't really make that decision to get his ear pierced and to keep it clean.  We did let him keep it in while it was healing, but after the 6 wks, whenever they came for a visit, he had to take it out.  During the time it was healing, we had to constantly tell him to stop messing around w/ it or it would get infected.  He just went the whole summer w/o wearing an earring since he was with us... so hopefully he will have given up on wearing one altogether.

[stressedstepmom]

We are going through this with 15 yr old SS. He got his ear pierced twice at 12, his lip at 14 and now this year at the age of 15 he got snake bites (2 on the lips) double eyebrow, and an industrial piercing on his upper ear (2 holes with a bar that extends along the ear). They live very close to Canada and he has already informed us that next year his mom is taking him there for a tattoo since you only have to be 16.  It is an ongoing battle with both him and BM but she has already informed DH that she is his only parent and the only one who needs to consent. Obviously a lot of PAS going on there...but we do what others have posted and make him remove everything when he steps foot in our house.  

[Ref]

Dh and Bm argee on next to nothing. All of their discussions turn to yelling matches. Its aweful. They did agree on SD waiting until 16 to get her nose peirced. I personally think they look cute (just a little stud on the nostral), and if it were my kid I would have said ok. But she is NOT my kid, so I stood firm with BM and Dh on this one.

SD also got busted, by us, for smoking weed and drinking while in her mom's care AND she got all D's and F's last quarter. BM and Dh were very concerned. It was agreed that until she shows some responsibility that she could not get it peirced.

After our summer visitation was over and she went back to BM's house, we didn't hear from her in weeks. Apparently she was avoiding us partially because her mom got her nose peirced as soon as she got home. There goes standing her ground. To make it worse, she refused to let SD get her driving permit as punishment. Great. The one thing that will help her with her independence, she doesn't allow but a nose ring????

Well, BM told Dh when they had their one good conversation in 11 years that she didn't want her to drive because she didn't want her to grow-up. UGH!! So she wants to retard her growth because she is afraid of losing her baby! What a jerk. I digress......

Ref

[mistoffolees]

While I agree with you in general, it's also wise to explore in your own mind where the limits are and why. You've stated two per ear lobe. What happens if they come in with 3? Make sure you're willing to fight that battle before setting limits.

The reason for the comment is that my wife drew the line at one. She insisted that my SD couldn't have more than one earring and that she'd throw her out of the house if she did. My SD got a second earring on her 18th birthday and my wife threw her out. While they eventually reconciled, IMHO, it was a hateful, juvenile response.

For the record, my SD is extremely smart, hardworking and has never caused us any real trouble.

Pick your battles. (and, yes, I think this is one that's worth setting limits - the kids running around with 5 or 8 or more piercings all over their bodies look foolish - and are taking risks).

[lucky]

When they came in with three, or one in the upper ear cartilage or the nose or the tongue or the navel, they had to take them out.  Period.  And, since dh (or I for my dd) had custody, the holes closed before they went back to their mom's (or dad's).

PBFH used to scream that WE'D wasted her money, we just kept telling her that we didn't allow the piercings and since she KNEW we were going to make the kids remove them, SHE was wasting the money.  Pretty soon the kids didn't want to bother with extra piercings because they didn't get to keep them anyway and after a while, PBFH found something new to b*&ch about.

As of today, osd has her tongue and navel pierced and has let her nose grow shut 3 times since she turned 18 two years ago.  She also (red headed white girl that she is) has a tattoo across her lower back that says "Brown Pride".

Oss (17 yo - who is living on his own because PBFH is a loser and won't sign custody over and oss refuses to come back to live here because of rules) has his eyebrow pierced, his left ear gauged and pierced and an industrial piercing as well.

DD (19 yo) has no piercings, not even her ears anymore.

The younger kids  - ysd (15) has her ears double pierced and ds (13) has no piercings, but would like to get his left ear pierced for his birthday.

Once they turn 18 they can do as they like, it's their body, but till then, it's our job to make sure that they don't do anything that they may regret but can't change to their bodies.

I have no idea who did oss's piercings -- I think they were done at home and pbfh hates them so not by her!  But guess where he first got the encouragement?  When dh had custody and she wanted to be the "Disney mom" who was "fun" and thus better than us.

[em]Lucky

Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
- Will Rogers[em]