Weekend School and every other weekend visitation

[SonnyR2]

Dear Socrateaser,

I currently have an every other weekend schedule to see my two children. They live 180 miles away but the drive is all highway and we meet half way. We all live in California.

My oldest, 13 years old,  7 th grade, failed the first quarter of school with a 1.60 GPA. The school requires that failing students attend a special class on weekends for the next eight weeks to make up for the failed quarter.

This failed quarter was not a surprise. I attended a special parent teacher conference and was told early on in the first quarter that my 13 year old was failing. The teachers made specific recommendations to forestall a failing quarter. I agreed with their recommendations.

The custodial parent ignored the recommendations. No changes were made and the first quarter was a failure. There have been schoolwork problems for a very long time, most notably since 3 rd grade onward.

I requested makeup time for the weekends I would miss due to the weekend school.
1.) Is makeup time a reasonable request in this situation? Are there any examples of this where makeup time was required or deigned?


The custodial parent replied that I should deliver the child to the weekend school on my weekends. Yes. Really. The custodial parent informed me that on my every other weekend they would expect to meet me at the halfway tradeoff point, and then it was my responsibility to take our child back to his school for the weekend. We exchanged email for two weeks to negotiate to this point.

This would entail the following: Friday, drive 90 miles to the tradeoff point, drive back home. Saturday, get up at 3:30 AM, drive 180 mile and deliver our child to school at 7:30 AM. Wait around until 12 noon and then drive 180 miles back home. Sunday is the same except I would make the trade off, with both our children, at their house. The alternative suggestion was that I get a motel room.
2.) Is this reasonable or bizarre?


I had my attorney send the apposing attorney a letter saying this was unreasonable and that I expected our child to attend the weekend school. It also said that I would give up my alternating weekends with our oldest so they could attend the weekend school. And I asked for makeup time with extra days in the summer. No reply.

Now here is the kicker. The custodial parent takes our 13  year old out of school on Friday and leaves town before the first weekend school. They went to see a carnival in the big city. The absence was unexcused and the school required two additional weekends to makeup for the one missed.

I gave up my weekend and they never intended to go to weekend school. We started with 8 weeks, missed the very first week and now have 10 more weeks to go. My attorney sent them another letter. No reply.
3.) What do you see as the real issue here: refusal makeup weekends, bad faith negotiation, or best interests of the child or other? Is it serious enough for a change of custody?


In a recent phone conversation the custodial parent again told me that they expect me to take our child on my every other weekend and to deliver them to weekend school. They also denied having seen any letters from my attorney.
4.) What should I do?


I expect that they will show up at the regular alternating weekend schedule and insist that I take both our children, with the expectation that I deliver our oldest to weekend school.
5.) If this happens should I just take both children? And then what?

Thank you for your time.

[socrateaser]

1.-5. Unless your custody orders make provisions for make up time, then both parents are technically in contempt for not following the existing orders, regardless of any extra schooling time agreed to by them.

The correct process is to motion the court to modify your parenting plan to accomodate the change in circumstance that the child's failure in school has created. You should be advancing the theory that the custodial parent is not providing the proper educational atmosphere, and is so cavalier about schooling that she/he allows, and even encourages, the child to miss the special sessions that are designed to aid the child in preventing failure.

If your current custody orders do not permit you to alter your custodial time by agreement, then your attorney's sending a letter about the reasonableness of the present process is malpractice because he is encouraging you to violate the current order.

[SonnyR2]

Dear Socrateaser,
Thank you for the reply.  

Our custody orders do have a way to alter custodial time by mutual agreement. They do not however have an explicit provision for make up time.
1.) Do both of these scenarios have to be explicitly written into custody orders?

My ex has just informed me "
I will be dropping both children off with you for the usual scheduled weekend. It is your responsibility to get him to weekend school.  I will help in any way possible to assist this but you must be aware that if you insist that I take him to weekend school, you are relinquishing your time and this is not something that will be made up. I have discussed this with my lawyer and they have agreed with the above. I am not negotiating with you on this at this point.
"
This presents a dilemma.
If I don't take my son then my ex claims I am relinquishing my time. In previous correspondence on this same issue my ex has even accused me of refusing my custody obligations. Obviously refusing custody does not look good in a custody battle.

If I do take my son on this weekend I will have to drive several hundreds of miles with him to get him back to his weekend school. He will be physically stressed by the hours and hours of back and forth driving.  

There really is no choice. I will ask that our son stay and not be subjected to meaningless driving time.
2.) Am I in contempt if I don't agree to relinquish my time but still insist that my ex take our son to weekend school?
3.) Is there really no reasonable expectation for make up time regardless of extra schooling time required to correct a deficiency?

There is not time to get back into court before the next weekend visitation. Your statement summing up the educational atmosphere was clear and concise. bullseye!
4.)  How do you see this issue given what I will ask for in the best interests of this child?