Which way to go???

[SM_in_FL]

Hi, Soc!! Hope you've had happy happys thus far and hope you continue to do so. I've got a question with regards to scheduling appts/activities during the NCP's visitation time. Here goes some background: SD has a "big sister" (from big brothers and big sisters of america, the volunteer role models for children with broken homes) who sees her 2x's a month and it always seems to occur on DH's weekend. He is not informed in advance, just on the day of the appointment, usually about an hour or two before. He always returns SD to BM b/c BM does not want him to meet the "big sister," which then cuts his visitation time short. Now, here are my questions:

1) It clearly states in the agreement that neither parent shall schedule activities during the other parents visitation and if done so must be agreed upon beforehand by both parties. Therefore, is BM not in contempt of that agreement, on various levels, even though DH concedes to these last minute exchanges?

2) Being that these appts are with a positive role model for SD, wouldn't DH seem like the "bad guy" for pursuing sanctions for lost time and contempt for breeching the agreement?

3) or the alternate, which is worse, like he doesn't care about his time with his daughter because he's so willing to do these last minute exchanges and doesn't pursue everything in #2?

4) Being that the "big sister" and SD have formed a bond, doesn't DH have the right to meet her? If so, how should he go about getting her information in order to do so? Remember BM has taken great pains to intercept any meetings DH and the big sister could have had (won't let big sister pick up SD at our house, won't give DH big sisters contact info, no full name, etc.).

5) Any other suggestions would be grand!

Thanks trillions for your help because we're stumped....
SM

[socrateaser]

>Hi, Soc!! Hope you've had happy happys thus far and hope you
>continue to do so. I've got a question with regards to
>scheduling appts/activities during the NCP's visitation time.
>Here goes some background: SD has a "big sister" (from big
>brothers and big sisters of america, the volunteer role models
>for children with broken homes) who sees her 2x's a month and
>it always seems to occur on DH's weekend. He is not informed
>in advance, just on the day of the appointment, usually about
>an hour or two before. He always returns SD to BM b/c BM does
>not want him to meet the "big sister," which then cuts his
>visitation time short. Now, here are my questions:
>
>1) It clearly states in the agreement that neither parent
>shall schedule activities during the other parents visitation
>and if done so must be agreed upon beforehand by both parties.
>Therefore, is BM not in contempt of that agreement, on various
>levels, even though DH concedes to these last minute
>exchanges?

Contempt requires a valid, enforceable order, knowledge of the order's existence, and willful failure to adhere to the order. Here, you are consenting to the other parent's willful disobeyance. Thus, you are in contempt for the exact same reason as the other parent. Technically, the court would be forced to find both of you in equal contempt, and it would probably issue the same sanction against both of you, thereby nullifying the contempt.

>2) Being that these appts are with a positive role model for
>SD, wouldn't DH seem like the "bad guy" for pursuing sanctions
>for lost time and contempt for breeching the agreement?

No, in fact, by serving a copy of the order on the "big," you would provide notice, after which the "big" could be held in contempt as an agent of the other parent.

>3) or the alternate, which is worse, like he doesn't care
>about his time with his daughter because he's so willing to do
>these last minute exchanges and doesn't pursue everything in
>#2?

I cannot fathom why you would think that the child would be better served to be in the hands of a stranger.

>4) Being that the "big sister" and SD have formed a bond,
>doesn't DH have the right to meet her? If so, how should he go
>about getting her information in order to do so? Remember BM
>has taken great pains to intercept any meetings DH and the big
>sister could have had (won't let big sister pick up SD at our
>house, won't give DH big sisters contact info, no full name,
>etc.).

I see no evidence of the "bond" to which you refer. This person is interfering in your exercise of visitation/custody. GET THEM OUT OF YOUR LIFE. Notify them that if they persist, you will have them found in contempt.