Suckling after lactation ends

[DecentDad]

Soc,

I'm in the middle of a 730 eval (including psych tests), which started nearly 3 months ago.  I have no clue what the evaluator is thinking, as he gives no feedback or validation.  He was well-recommended by three attorneys and an author of an alienation book.

To date, I've done everything he's asked, including giving him a ton of evidence that I've been gathering for nearly 3 years (daughter is almost 4, and we split when she was two).

I'm hoping he'll conclude that mother has personality disorders.  She easily meets the criteria for borderline and histrionic personality disorders.  I've mentioned to him that I think she's got mental health problems, but I've never diagnosed her.  She seems to have a very enmeshed, unhealthy relationship with daughter.

I've given the evaluator plenty of stuff to let him conclude what I've been saying.

Today, he mentioned to me that (affirming what I've told him that daughter is fixated on the topic of nursing) my ex told him that daughter was weaned at three because she stopped lactating, but daughter continues to suckle (i.e., 9 months later).

He said this with no emotion, so I didn't really express that I saw this as very troubling.

Not wanting to overreact (in his eyes) I just said, "If she's still suckling, then I guess she's not weaned."  He just shrugged.

WTF?

I'm introducing what I think are totally unhealthy issues involving my daughter, and he's been nonchalant in listening to all of it and asking questions.

1.  Am I off my rocker in thinking there's something wrong with a co-sleeping single mother who allows her nearly 4 year old child to suckle a non-lactating breast?!

2.  Is it typical that evaluators (this guy is a clinical psychologist with 20 years experience) show no reaction to any information?  I'm second guessing my own perspective on things, as he's not saying anything like, "Hallelujah, you're the stable, healthier parent who has legitimate concerns about this child."

3.  We have trial on Feb 27.  The evaluator hasn't yet reviewed all the evidence I gave him, and he hasn't yet reviewed the results of our psych tests.  Should I be concerned?

Thanks for your thoughts... it's my first custody eval, and it's just very weird.

DD

[ksswthrt74]

IMHO... I think that there is something wrong with her doing it after a year old.  Usually babies on a bottle are off by the time they are a year or maybe more....but usally way before 3 years old. (Unless Medical reasons).  

Not to gross you out or anything..some women get off on their  breast being sucked....even when nursing.....nothing wrong when nursing...but when the child is that age...yes, there is a problem.

[kelaine]

It is not all that unusual to breast feed up to age three.  It is odd if lactation has stopped.  That would seem to indicate that she did stop breast feeding for enough time to cause the cessation of lactation and then went back to it.  That could be a cue that your daughter has become more needy or insecure since your departure.

You do "diagnose" her here while claiming not to.  Perhaps that could be seen as fitting you into a cluster as well.

What I find most unusual is that this evaluator is telling you information from his sessions with her.   It seems to me he is saying she is the less healthly parent and is letting you know by breaching his confidentiality.  He should be fired.   This unethical behavior may be a hint that he is on your side.

It is not wise for the court to accept the evaluations of authors with agendas.  Weird indeed.

[Indigo Mom]

At age 4????  The child can drink from a regular cup!  No need for sippie cups at that age, and no need for the breast...IMO.

Now, when you "stop" nursing, the milk continues to come down.  Your chest grows to enormus proportions and is rock solid.  (seriously, you can kill someone with a boob like that)

If she's stopped nursing 9 months ago, the milk should have dried up by now....even though there MAY be a drop or two still in there.

If the child is still "suckling" the mother would still be producing milk.  Stimulation (suckling) would make the mothers body "think" it still needs to produce milk.  Therefore, ol Indy here concludes that if the child is attached to the breast, she is still breastfeeding...still receiving breast milk.  Your child, at age 4, is not just "suckling" she's nursing.

If you ask me, she's using this bullcrap excuse as just that...an excuse for you not to have extra time with the child.  

[DecentDad]

Thanks for your thoughts.

With regard to confidentiality, there is none during this evaluation.  He made it clear up front that anything I tell him may be shared with my ex (and vice versa) if he would like to hear the other parent's perspective.

I actually view this as a very ethical and clinically valid approach.  This way, any allegations made can be addressed by the other parent (and disproved, if need be).

Simply because he shares information doesn't mean he has an agenda.

DD

[socrateaser]

>1.  Am I off my rocker in thinking there's something wrong
>with a co-sleeping single mother who allows her nearly 4 year
>old child to suckle a non-lactating breast?!

I dunno. All I can think of is how bad I'd like to suckle a nice non-lactating breast right about now. Anyway, YES it's weirder than snot, and the judge will think so, too.

>2.  Is it typical that evaluators (this guy is a clinical
>psychologist with 20 years experience) show no reaction to any
>information?  I'm second guessing my own perspective on
>things, as he's not saying anything like, "Hallelujah, you're
>the stable, healthier parent who has legitimate concerns about
>this child."

I think you should tell him that you think it's weirder than snot -- because it is -- and he's got to think so, too.

>3.  We have trial on Feb 27.  The evaluator hasn't yet
>reviewed all the evidence I gave him, and he hasn't yet
>reviewed the results of our psych tests.  Should I be
>concerned?

When is he supposed to issue his report? if it's not until Feb 26, then I'd be REAL concerned.