Need help here....

[Dee1953]

This is a very long story but I will try to keep it somewhat short with just the facts. We are in serious need of some advice here.My son has a daughter who is 2 years old.He did not marry the child's mom (long story here,suffice it to say just that it did not work out...). My son had been seeing his daughter every other week and was paying child support(an amount they had agreed to),however his "ex" would cause a big scene and generally made things unpleasant, making the baby cry etc.Very much has a problem with causing scenes to be the center of attention and even had my son thrown out of the store she worked in  (later admitted she did it because she was mad at him...he had done nothing wrong)...he had gone there to apologize for an argument and to see if she wanted her ring back;this was a long time ago.She also tried to jump out of a moving car when they were arguing,endangering all their lives. My son had to keep her from getting hurt and keep control of the car. Later we talked about what could have happened if she succeeded in her actions or fell out because of her stupidity and son realized with her unstable frame of mind, in this day and age, it was not wise to be alone with her.Espessially since she had made him out to be this mean,evil person at her store with her new found friends who do not know him at all.(just a few reasons this did not work out).
  They went to domestic court and established cs (too high in my opinion for 1 child...son can not support himself with the amount taken out,had to sell his mobile home and is back with us.Could not afford rent,car payment and insurance and basic needs on his own.She made less money than him (neither one making much money) however with the amount of cs from my son, she and daughter were able to afford a small apartment for a short period of time.(She moved out of her parents home right after cs payments from domestic relations went into effect.)
  OK...son paying cs but had stopped seeing his daughter because of the relationship with the mom.As "grandma"...I tried to see my grand daughter...made plans to see her in a Halloween parade...I was there but did not see baby,I have spoken to "mom" and she always says "you can see her whenever"...but that never seems to happen either.Her parents are convinced ALL the blame rests on my son.Truth is they both had faults..
  Which brings us to now.My grand daughter is on my son's insurance.At the end of May he recieved a bill from the ER...had no idea what it was about.He had not seen his daughter in about7 months or had contact with his ex.I had been by her apartment off and on but never saw her car (we did not have her phone number and calls to her parent's home were never responded to)...hoping to try and see my gd and hopefully try and get these 2 kids to grow up and stop fighting for the baby's sake.
I ended up calling her parent's home when my son got this bill and left a message explaining our need to talk to their daughter.Her step-dad returned my call and we did get in touch with the mom.She had gotten pregnant,got married and moved!She did not know how to get in touch with my son.... (we have had the same phone number for about 20 years and she has known it since she was 14....) and the conversation ended with she would email me pics,I could see my gd etc. Hasn't happened yet so I am not holding my breath.They are living in a house (renting),she is on disability with this pregnancy (again) and told me she could afford to work part time after this baby is born.Oh...the pics she was going to send me were from the new digital camera they bought (my son can't afford a new camera).
  I know my son is hurting over not seeing his daughter but felt that was better than the screaming fits by his ex...several witnesses to these.I have not really talked this over with anyone but don't know where to turn to help my son get back to visiting WITHOUT the nonsense with the mom.It has gotten back to us that her family considers my son "scum"(when they absolutly adored him until the wedding was postponed...and my son really liked them,perhaps more so than he cared about their daughter...sad fact) and have told people they had to drag him to domestic court (not true),and that she has referred to us as "trailer court trash"...also not true.We are quite the average,American family,house in the country,not "partiers" by any stretch of the imagination...her family consumes more alcohol than we do! I admit my son did go through a period where he did drink...under the circumstances I can understand...but does not anymore.Once,before they broke up permanently,my son showed up at their house under the influence and her step dad knew he had been drinking yet let him drive off...son wrecked the car but thank God he did not get killed or kill anyone else....I am really mad at the stepdad for letting him drive,had the "shoe been on the other foot"...no way would I have allowed their daughter to drive.
  He is seeing a woman with 2 kids and is a great "dad" to her 2 boys. They love him.He really is not a bad guy and has grown up some over the past 2 years...he is now 22.
  Any advice,direction,help anyone can offer would be appreciated.We have never "bad-mouthed" his ex to anyone (except to ask a couple of her friends a long time ago about her state of mind,and it was justifiable concern) although it appears she has slandered my son any chance she has had.Sorry this got so long,we just really need help and son can not afford a lawyer.However if legally there is anything that can be done,we will get him one.It just seems the whole system is set up in favor of the mom and to he-- with the dad.Very wrong
  :(

[MYSONSDAD]

Glad to hear your son has grown up.

First thing he needs to do is locate his daughter.

He will then have to prove paternity.

If she has resided in another county for the last six months, it is common that the county in which she lived will set the jurisdiction.

Better get a good family law attorney. Your son will need to petition the court for visitation. It will probably be supervised considering the time that has gone by.

Your right about one thing, the system is very screwed up. Interview a few attorneys to find the right one. Go to the courthouse and sit thru a few trials. See what attorney will fight and how they handle themselves. Don't know how he will get thru this without one. Some attorneys also take payments.

Child support and visitation are two separate issues. Get her back in court for visitation.

Many good articles here. First thing I would do is get your son on this site so he can read and ask questions. It is an uphill fight, but he does have rights.

Whether the 'ex' is physcho or not is no excuse for this much time to go by. Most of us here have gone thru exactly the same thing. Slander is only part of the game. The more you both educate yourselves, the better off you will be.

PS. Please break up into paragraphs, makes it easier to read...

[Peanutsdad]

The only real thing to do here is go back to court. Period.








Tips For Getting Started
http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm

How To Hire An Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/hiring.htm

Hiring An Effective Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm

Success Factors In Obtaining Custody
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/missed-visit.htm

Suggestions When Falsely Accused
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/falseacc1.htm

Dealing With Threats Of False Allegations
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/blackmail.htm


http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pplan3.htm

One of the first things you'll hear around here is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is *crucial*. Get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) at: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm or the OPTIMAL Custody Tracking service at: http://www.parentingtime.net. The PTT is good, but the OPTIMAL service is definitely better.

PAS is commonly seen in highly contested child-custody disputes. The author has described three types: mild, moderate, and severe, each of which requires special approaches by both legal and mental health professionals.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-gardner02.htm - size 54kb - 20 Oct 2003

[Dee1953]

Thanks.I will show this site to him...at least he will know he isn't alone.He is VERY afraid that somewhere down the road she will accuse him of abuse.Based on what she has done in the past and her desire to be in the limelight...I also am very worried about this.I am in the MH field ( nurse) and deal with  social workers all the time. Some have been very good ...unfortunatly most are not.Ditto for "shrinks"...I have known a few over the past 25 years whom I have a great deal of respect for.I won't say what I think of most.
  My son is a CO at one of the county prisons....he is very aware of what women will do,often out of plain old spite.He has plans to become a police officer...she sure could screw up his life if she decided to falsely accuse him.In today's world he would be guilty until proven innocent.
  Would she be nutty enough to hurt herself and say he did something? Maybe we are just paranoid,but honestly could see her doing this.Can he request an escort or have her meet him at a public place during pick-up and drop-off times because of the past. And can she be held to this being how it is?One of her "tricks" was to tell my son he would have to drop his daughter off at a place pretty far away as she would not be home....an on-going arrangement,she just made things as difficult as she could.
  To think I once hoped he would marry her.I am beginning to see that he was wise not to.
  Thanks again,and sorry if I was "whining"....just have not really talked to anyone about this for 2 years and did not know where to turn.

[MYSONSDAD]

He should never go alone to meet with her. Keep a camara in the car at all times and record with a camcorder. Have someone go with him who will be willing to testify in court.

You could also request that exchanges take place at the police department. But even then, you might still run into problems.

A mini recorder by the phone will also help him out. Check your state statues to see if you can record in your state.

But the bottom line is, get visitation established. Get back to court now.

Document everything.

[smtotwo]

Radio Shack has an excellent phone corder that connects right to your phone.  No messing with a mini corder. This is what we use for  EVERY CONVERSATION WITH THE PSYCHOMOMMY< OR HER FAMILY!!

EVERY SINGLE PHONE CONVERSATION!  And also the microcassette recorder is in either my or DH's shirt pocket for every in person encounter we may have.