Advise please....

[barbie]

I am NCM of two children. Girl-6 and Boy-9. Their father is remarried, as am I. I was just made aware of the fact that their 12 yr old SB has been making my children pull their pants down so he can spank them as he sees fit. If their father or his mother start coming he makes them pull their pants up fast before they see. The stepmother was made aware of this after a while of this going on and punished the boy.
My question is if this is going on now, when he is only 12 (and been happening for over a year now) what else has he or will he do?
I asked my children if this was all he did and my son hesitated and then said that was it. My daughter just looked strange at me as if she didn't understand the question. So I dropped it.

1)Am I just assuming the worst? I just feel sick to my stomach about this.
2)Could this lead to sexual abuse?
3)How would I even know if the kids don't feel they can tell me?
4)Is this abuse of any kind?
5)Do I need to worry?

I have a 13 yr old stepson here also. And he has never and would never attempt anything like this, and believe me he is no angel!
I am not asking because I want to take the kids or use this. I want my children safe. I won't lie, I would give anything to have them with me, but I also won't disrupt their lives if everything is ok and I am just a worried mother.
Advise would be nice.
Thank you.

[socrateaser]

>1)Am I just assuming the worst? I just feel sick to my stomach
>about this.

No, you have a valid complaint, even if only about a bully child.

>2)Could this lead to sexual abuse?

Duh!


>3)How would I even know if the kids don't feel they can tell
>me?

See below.


>4)Is this abuse of any kind?

Duh!

>5)Do I need to worry?

Duh!

Send letter to custodial parent, informing him of your concern regarding the SB's behavior, and stating that you have informed your children, that if they EVER experience this behavior from the SB again, that you have instructed them to call 911 immediately, followed by calling you, and they you will immediately file a report with Child Protective Services and for a restraining order against the SB.

The other parent may slip up and write you back admitting the behavior, in which case YOU HAVE PROOF FOR A CUSTODY HEARING. Or, he may call and admit on the phone, so be prepared to record your telephone calls. Make sure that you tell the CP right up front that you are recording when he calls after you send the letter. You can pretty much count on at least one hostile phone call, so be ready for it.