Long Distance quick questions

[deb09]

Dear Soc,

If travel distance is 250 miles = time of 4 hours - are there any guidelines for what is "standard" visitation?  

Is an evaluation necessary to claim that the distance is too far and an alternate visitation other than EOW would be better for the children?

What would you suggest in this case?

Thank you,

Deb

[socrateaser]

Standard visitation/parenting varies from State to State. You need to post the facts of your case. I can't evaluate what is reasonable or fair with regard for travel time.

[deb09]

Mom and Dad split because of Dad's affair(s)

Dad moves away to live near his girlfriend - is also living in childhood home near parents and other relatives.

Mom, who had already drawn up a split custody arrangement now has to figure out how to give meaningful time with the children to a man living 4 hours away.

Mom offers Dad all the long weekends of the school calendar holidays and half of the summer - sacrificing her time with the children that is not involved in getting up for school, doing homework, or eating and bathing, to try and give Dad a shot at knowing his children.

Dad, who gets 3 weeks vacation, cannot take advantage of the long weekends because "not all of them are company holidays" is pushing to have his visitation set so that mom will meet him halfway at his whim with a week's notice.

Mom has an older child with a schedule also and cannot be that flexible - AND thinks that during the school year it would be exhausting for the kids to spend 8 hours in the car for one day (Saturday) with dad who returns them early on Sundays.  

She doesn't object to local visitation on short weekends only driving on short weekends.

Mom thought that if she could find other states guidelines and show dad that long distance visitation usually only covers summers and major holidays that dad would realize the offer is reasonable.

1.  If travel distance is 250 miles = time of 4 hours - are there any guidelines for what is "standard" visitation?

2.  Is an evaluation necessary to claim that the distance is too far and an alternate visitation other than EOW would be better for the children?

3.  What would you suggest in this case?

It got a lot longer with more of the facts - sorry - also my state and this area do not handle many long distance cases thus the lack of structured or standard guidelines.

Deb

[MixedBag]

Three divorces here, several different states with jurisdiction, three different schedules.

Doesn't matter why the divorce is happening (ref affair).

Yep, dad moved away....so the transportation burden should be more on him.

My girls' dad lived 4 hours away and he got the every other weekend approved (because I agreed) in court.   We met half way and the kids were in the car for 4 hours on Friday and 4 hours on Sunday.  It worked.
Then he moved again.

Mom should make a fair offer -- what is that?

EOW, 1/2 summer and alternating holidays (with holidays defined).  She should also include a period of uninterrupted time (like 2 weeks) for herself and the kids for a potential summer vacation.  And maybe the fact that the EOW flip flops when dad has them for his 1/2 of the summer but that dad also gets an uninterrupted time for a potential summer vacation.

How's that?  Driving -- maybe dad could reimburse mom for gasoline and then they meet half way?  Easier on the kids and put the real burden ($'s) on dad.

What they could agree to is wide open and I doubt their is standard guidance in most states.

[socrateaser]

>1.  If travel distance is 250 miles = time of 4 hours - are
>there any guidelines for what is "standard" visitation?

Varies from State to State. However, you could use parenting guidelines from various jurisdictions to argue your point.

>2.  Is an evaluation necessary to claim that the distance is
>too far and an alternate visitation other than EOW would be
>better for the children?

An expert witness is almost necessary to try to prove the effect of circumstances on a child.

>
>3.  What would you suggest in this case?

If your goal is to provide dad with a meaninful opportunity to be with the kids, then you should bend over backwards to do so, until you observe that no negotiation is possible, and then you should simply stick to the court order. If your travel issue isn't covered in the order, then move for a clarification from the court, and let the chips fall where they may (assuming that you can't come to an amicable settlement).