Looking for answers

[Stepmom0418]

Facts are:

Biological Mother has tried to keep 7 year old away from Biologiacal Father all the childs life. (They were never married and seperated before he was born) Talks bad about father in front of child and tries to scare him so he doesnt want to go for visits. (she tells him that his Biological father is mean and ect)

CPS is doing an investigation about drugs in the home. The CPS worker has stated there are definately some serious issues but so far she hasnt been able to pinpoint it yet. We are in close contact with CPS. They asked Biological mom to do a drug test and the results are pending for that. (Because she waited for 2 weeks after CPS requested her to take the test)


There has been several other recorded CPS reports on Biological mom. Plus grandma has been the main caretaker for son and is now in jail for the 2nd time in the past year on drug related charges. She will be going to prison this time because she was on probation at the time with a defered sentence.


We have also been in touch with the school and child has missed 37 days of school so far. Mother doesn't insure make up work gets done. Recentally school turned over the situation to the Juvenile Court School Officer.


Biological father has a temp order stating that he gets joint legal custody, every other weekend visitation, every other holiday, and 2 two week segmants in the summer. We are in Iowa. Also in the order it states that we are to pick him up on friday at 8 pm at her home, and she is to pick him up sunday at our home. We have provided all transportation both ways for both visits so far.


We have agreed with Biological mom that for the first few visits we would bring along Biological Moms sister to make son feel more comfortable. (this in not in the court order) We now find out this girl is 1)acting as a "spy" and telling Biological mom everything plus some things that arent true. 2) Being put in the middle and being forced to act like an adult. (she is only 9)

Biological mom is living with a man, not married. Son tells us that boyfriend is mean to him. I am married and have been for 7 years and have 3 biological kids, 2 that live with me, and two stepchildren that i have raised for the last 7 years.


We have now had our second visit and son is very happy and loves it here!! In fact he didnt want to talk to his mom at all over the weekend even when she was on the phone asking for him. Plus we had to convince him to get in the car so we could take him home because he didnt want to go.
Questions:

           1) Is it going to hurt our case if we say no more to the sister comming along?

            2) What are our chances of switching custody based on the above?

             3) What more can we do to insure he is going to school and insure he is being properly cared for while in Biological Moms care?

             4)What can we do to insure she will pick him up on sunday? He has missed so much school already that we have to make sure he is getting to school.


Any advise will help because we dont know what we can do!!
Thank you all so much!!

[Kitty C.]

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[Stepmom0418]

Is this better or is there something else I should change? Thanks for your help!!

[Kitty C.]

:-)

[socrateaser]

>           1) Is it going to hurt our case if we say no more
>to the sister comming along?

Probably not, but it may stir things up unnecessarily. Try to get the sister to agree that she doesn't need to come anymore.

>
>            2) What are our chances of switching custody based
>on the above?

Good with the CPS report showing drugs, otherwise it's a crap shoot.

>
>             3) What more can we do to insure he is going to
>school and insure he is being properly cared for while in
>Biological Moms care?

You could file a motion for custody based on the child's multiple absences. I have no idea how far that would get you. Not much else to try.

>
>             4)What can we do to insure she will pick him up
>on sunday? He has missed so much school already that we have
>to make sure he is getting to school.

Every day missed raises your odds of getting a new custody hearing.>

[Stepmom0418]

Ok that brings me to another question or two.

in regards to your andwer to

> 1) Is it going to hurt our case if we say no more
>to the sister comming along?

Probably not, but it may stir things up unnecessarily. Try to get the sister to agree that she doesn't need to come anymore.

in reference to #1) The sister wont agree to this because she enjoys coming here as much as SS does. Her mother recentally went to jail and she is trying to adopt us as her new family. (plus we have 2 daugters close to her age)We have a total of 5 kids and believe that to be plenty. LOL! SS has expressed he doesnt want her to come anymore.
 
4)What can we do to insure she will pick him up
>on sunday? He has missed so much school already that we have
>to make sure he is getting to school.

Every day missed raises your odds of getting a new custody hearing.>

Question #1
Does your oppinion differ knowing those facts?

Question #2
will it hurt us in the long run if we make her go by the court order and come and get him at our house especially if he misses school because of it? Mainly asking this because we have provided the transportation previously.

Question #3
BM does not have an attorney does this play a part or weigh heavier on either side for a custody case in Iowa?(we do have an attorney)

[socrateaser]

>Question #1
>Does your oppinion differ knowing those facts?

No.

>
>Question #2
>will it hurt us in the long run if we make her go by the court
>order and come and get him at our house especially if he
>misses school because of it? Mainly asking this because we
>have provided the transportation previously.
>
No. It's not your job to make sure the kid is in school -- it's the custodial parent's job. This may seem harsh, but that's WHY a parent is designated as custodial -- because supposedly that parent is the PREFERRED day-to-day caretaker of the child.

Your job is to exercise visitation as required by the order and join in making decisions regarding the child's long-term health and welfare -- one of which would be who is to be the day-to-day caretaker of the child.

>Question #3
>BM does not have an attorney does this play a part or weigh
>heavier on either side for a custody case in Iowa?(we do have
>an attorney)

A person who faces off against an attorney in court is like a person in a dual holding a sword against an opponent with a shotgun.

[Stepmom0418]

Thank you for you advise!