Have custody, some questions...

[mocox13]

Okay, our situation.  DH was awarded primary physical custody/joint legal of SD and SS.  This was in 1998.  A few months after, BM moved overseas.  A few months after that, she stopped calling and we had no forwarding address/phone number.  After sending a letter to her new in-laws, we received a phone call from her the day we were moving out of our house.

To make a long story short, skids have not heard from BM in about six years now.  We have always sent, either directly to her or through her in-laws, our change of address and phone number (we are a military family and have moved twice since 1998).  After almost 5 years of no contact, on SD's 10th birthday, we looked BM up, found her phone number and called her to see if it was okay for SD to call her (SD had some emotional problems because of the abandonment of her BM...she never said she would stop calling, she just stopped).  She agreed, acted as if no time had passed.  SD called her, had a good conversation that ended with promises of sending a birthday gift and keeping in touch.  Over a year later, we have not heard from her since.  (And of course, she hasn't paid CS either during all this time).

Finally, the question:  We have never had problems with schools/doctors/etc. regarding the fact that I am not their BM.  I act as their mother in all decisions.  However, there is always the worry of what will happen to the kids if anything would ever happen to DH?  They are now 11 and 8 years old.  They both know they have a BM, they know what state she lives in...for SS that's about all he knows as he was only 2 when she left.  Legally, she still has joint custody.

Anyone been in that type of situation or have any advice?  We talked about adoption, but we don't have a lot of money (we have six children all together) and other than this issue, we don't have any other issues that would make adoption necessary.  We are legal residents and live in the state of Florida.  TIA.

[Peanutsdad]

You need to speak to an attorney about abandonment. The real questionis,, do you want to step up to the plate and adopt?