I need advice

[dukadan]

I am a newbie here and don't really know the formalities.  My story is kinda long and complicated.  I don't know whether to start at the beginning or just jump in to start at the beginning.  (After reading it through it seems to be pretty thick)
I am a single dad in Washington state.  I have been taking care of my son alone here in Wa state for 4 1/2 years performing all parenting functions.  My X is from Thailand.  I used to work on fishing boats in Hawaii and Alaska.  My son was conceived in Hawaii and born in Thailand. 9 months after the baby was born she lived with me in WA state for 9 months, the baby stayed with Grandma in Thailand during this time.  After she received her 10 year greencard from INS we separated and she went back to Thailand.  She went to live in Pattaya.  The baby continued to live in Thailand with Grandma.
WE divorced the baby was 2 years old at this time. She flew to Seattle to sign the divorce papers and said that I could have the child whenever I wanted.  I did not think I could raise a child by myself without family in WA alone.  I was doing an apprentiship in Plumbing since I needed to get off the fishing boats.  So I stated in the parenting plan that the father could petition the child to reside with the father in the U.S. after the child turned 5 years old.  (I thought at this time I would be financially secure)
I made plans to visit with my son in Thailand when he was 2 1/2.  The winter of Y2K.  I had told the mother and grandmother I changed my mind and wanted to take my son back to the states with me.  Grandma and mother said it was OK to do that.  I bonded with my son in the remote village for 6 weeks.  The mother was not around during this time.  I bonded with my son and could not leave him in Thailand due to the impoverised conditions of the village and it appeared that the mother had abandoned him. I took the child to Bangkok where i retained a lawyer to keep the communication lines open and flew back to Seattle with my son.  
A few months later in June the mother moved to Florida with a new boyfriend and contacted me and wrote a letter saying my son could live with me and she wanted to visit him.  I wrote her back and gave her the opportunity to visit him asking only for a weeks notice.  She came in October 2000.  And I have a picture of them together at Woodland Park Zoo together.  She did not have transportation so I took them around together.  
She has not come back to Seattle since that time.  6 Months after her visit she wanted me to put the baby on a plane to Florida.  I refused to do that and reccommended she come to Seattle to see him. She refused to come to Seattle.  The phone calls became fewer and fewer.  They were about 1 phone call per 6 months.  Nothing for Christmas or New years, or birthdays, the past 2 years.  The past 2 years she had remarried and divorced and not maintained a relationship with her son.
My knees began to hurt from plumbing and bodily abuse on fishing boats so I went back to school and asked the state for welfare and food stamps that I got and was eligible for.  While I fininshed up school the state tracked her down and went after her for child support to get some of the money back.  
I finished school at Seattle Central Community College with an AAS in Biotechnology and have been working as a work study student in the Biotech field.  I do not have family members in WA state and gave a notice of intent to relocate to the courts; to Hawaii (where I have family)and served it to her in Florida.
She objected. (????????) She still wants the child to be put on a plane to Florida. She does not want to come here. We had the hearing last week in front of Commissioner Gaddis and there is an order restraining the relocation.  I did not know how to represent myself and was spending too much time trying to put out the smoke (allgations of abusive use of conflict, kidnapping, preventing the mother from having a relationship with the child) instaed of focusing on the relocation issue.
Under other of the ORDER
 1) The mother shall have 3 weeks visitation with the child in Seattle Between July 23 and August 13.
2)The mother shall bear all transportation costs.
3) The mother shall have gradual daytime visitation for the first 7 days.
4) Family court services reccommendation and investigation.
The mother cannot pay for three weeks visitation to Seattle.  
(initially her lawyer (who is representing her for the child support proceedings) tried to slip in the order that the child go to Florida for three weeks, but Commissioner Gaddis scratched that out and put Seattle) Now she cannot come to Seattle for three weeks but only for 4 days.  She wants me to agree to letting her have the child from 9am-9pm and forget about the word GRADUAL.  My idea of Gradual was a few hours each day building up to an overnight after 7 days.  She also wants to bring her boyfriend.  I called her and said that I would like to have her home phone number and address and that of her boyfriend in Florida.  She said these things were none of my business.  I think they are reasonable things any parent should know before allowing their child to go with someone who has not shown any interest in the childs life for 4 years.  I am afraid that she will disappear with the child to Florida or some other location.  She also threatened me saying I should watch my back and that she was going to make me look stuped.
I don't know how to defend myself and let the judge know what is going on.  I went to the facilitators office and got the forms to fill out for a motion for reconsideration by commissioner Gaddis.  I am not sure whether to do that or go straight to Judge Hall.  I cannot let my son go (who is 7) to someone whom I do not know.  I don't know if I am being unreasonable and what I should do. I have only 2 days left before the 10 days is up to file for a reconsideration. I am really poor and do not have money to represent myself.  I would at least like to plea to Commissioner Gaddis that a temporary parenting plan should be in place until trial. (something in writing) (Gradual can be vague). And what if she changes her mind that she wants to stay for three weeks.  If she wants to stay with my son for a week in washington there are no guidelines of what perameters we are to go on.
Does anyone have any advice ?????

[Peanutsdad]

I would sit down and write out a comprehensive plan plan introducing visitation due to no established relationship.

I strongly urge you to seek legal counsel. Trying to learn legal ropes on the fly,, is not advisable,, ESPECIALLY if you are facing an attorney.


Tips For Getting Started
http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm

How To Hire An Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/hiring.htm

Hiring An Effective Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm

Success Factors In Obtaining Custody
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/missed-visit.htm

Suggestions When Falsely Accused
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/falseacc1.htm

Dealing With Threats Of False Allegations
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/blackmail.htm


http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pplan3.htm


One of the first things you'll hear around here is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is *crucial*. Get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) at: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm or the OPTIMAL Custody Tracking service at: http://www.parentingtime.net. The PTT is good, but the OPTIMAL service is definitely better.

[wendl]

I would seek legal advice of an atty. Is your case in King County???

I would write a parenting plan that is very specific since and request supervised visitation for mother and child due to you feel they need to establish a relationship and you feel that the supervised visits would be good so the child does not feel so out of place and that elimitates the flight risk.

:)

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**