3.5 years later...It is over

[Yngsmommy]

Soc, et al.

Just wanted to update you....and say THANK YOU SO MUCH for all of your sage advice.


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Brief History (for a reminder)

April 2001 DSO and BM separate.
BM has kids (then 6 months and 3 years old) for 6 weeks, has a mental breakdown and drops them off with DSO.
BM goes to paralegal signs over all 100% custody.  BM then cancels her signed documentation.
My then boyfriend now fiancé filed for emergency custody in August of 2001, bringing copies of BM last 5 or so suicide letters to him.
Mediation in Oct 2001 giving BM 3 weekends a month and asking for evaluation.
Evaluation April – June of 2002.
Evaluation in  our favor, stating DSO should go back to work, skids should go to daycare (he was a SAHD), BM needs therapy, especially since she is now pregnant from un protected sex, eval found out a lot of lies on BM's part and BM is using the children are her own personal therapists.  Eval also says she is worried because DSO and I have not taken our relationship further and the children are extremely attached to me.
September 2002, evaluation report is adopted...skids attend a new preschool, and DSO gets a job.
Then....
Delays....delays...delays... (BM moved also 6 times in 18 months, none of the residences are even in our county)
Trial dates set and delays... BM makes repeated accusations with CPS of abuse by me.
BTW December 2003 we become engaged.
May 2004 we go to court, BM's new attorney states he WILL GET BM CUSTODY.....and requests we go back to mediation, and back to an evaluation.
Judge decides yes on mediation, and if an eval is requested BM has 14 days from the mediation to pay for it...and schedule for it.
May 18th...DF attends mediation.

BM walks in and demands 100% custody... DSO says no... mediator states, "what about every other weekend and primary parent during vacations such as summer, spring and half of Christmas...with DSO getting 2 weeks during summer".

Mind you this is almost EXACTLY the settlement we sent in June 2003, November 2003, and February 2004.
Mediator gives a "look to BM"... BM apparently then confesses...she lied about going to therapy (she never did), she was lying about her residence, she was lying about her home number...etc...she says she needs to apologize to me, and that she just wants to see the kids more.
DSO is in shock.
BM agreed to DSO having his summer vacations with Skids... and every other weekend (down from her getting 3 weekends a month)...
So what ended up is.
BM gets primary during SD's vacation (3 weeks of Spring, and 6 weeks of Summer), we split Christmas, we get 2 weeks of Summer, and every other weekend year round....and we have primary for whatever time the children are in school

They sign agreement.

My fiancé and I are still in utter shock.  In our attempts to make her realize we aren't "out to get her" like she believes, we offered to pay her way to Disneyland for SS's 4th birthday...She accepted and spent the day with our families celebrating SS's birthday...which although she did try some small stuff, and she was forced to see that both children are extremely attached to my fiancé and myself...she dealt amazingly well with it. Not happily, but she didn't tell the children flat out to hate me (only that they shouldn't call us BOTH mommy, only her...)
(OK TWILIGHT ZONE...)
I don't know what got put in her cheerios, but I like it.

It is over.
3.5 years, over 20 grand in lawyers fee's evaluation reports, mediation fees, therapy...(which will continue I am sure) etc...and it is over.
Hopefully we can agree from now on.