We messed up, I think.

[zapped]

Hi Soc. We are in CA (Contra Costa County). DH recently got custody of SD (14). It was SD's decision to live with us and BM supported SD's choice.

We met with BM out of court, signed the necessary paperwork to transfer custody, and agreed on financial arrangements (BM did not want to pay child support so we agreed and in turn she would waive DH's backpay to make it fair over the next four years). DH could not submit the paperwork at that time because the case was in the process of being transferred between counties. This process took two months.

DH finally got a case number and went to the courthouse to have the stipulation/order signed by the judge today. The worst happened - we had to get the documents notarized before the judge would sign the documents. At the time of signing, we could not find a notary that was open (it was Saturday). We all thought that we wouldn't really need it anyway and agreed that, if need be, we would have it notarized later on (boy, were we wrong! Lesson learned!)

Unfortunately, during the two months that we were waiting for the case to be transferred, things turned for the worse between DH and BM. DH asked BM when she was going to waive the arrears and we found out that BM no longer wanted to waive the arrears ("he owes her now") and that if we ever decided to seek child support, she would re-open the arrears case (she is THAT afraid of paying child support). Of course this caused a lot of drama between everyone and DH decided that he would have to seek child support to offset those arrears. This situation brought out other petty issues that I won't bother you with, but let's just say that things got so bad that now DH and BM do not speak at all.

Because of all of this, BM is now refusing to notarize the original documents that she signed. She also now wants to reverse the entire situation (even though SD wants to stay with us and it is honestly in her best interest to stay with us). BM also says she is re-opening the arrears case this week (which is really besides the point but I just thought I'd throw that in there!). DH was also told that if BM did not agree to notarize, we need to file a motion (?) for custody and child support. I'm afraid that resolving this situation is going to be a long, drawn-out process involving the court, mediators, and possibly a lawyer.

1. Can BM actually deny signing the documents? All her actions prove otherwise - she closed the current support case and SD has also lived with us for almost two months now.

2. What can we do short of seeking a lawyer? (I've been looking for an attorney, BTW). We are trying to settle this out of court one more time (we are going to ask to meet with BM and other family members this weekend) but with the way things are going, I highly doubt that she is going to be cooperative.

3. Does SD have to go back to BM until this is all settled? SD does not want to go back. She is currently in summer school until mid-August as well.

Please advise. I'm very worried! Thanks again for all your advice.

[socrateaser]

>1. Can BM actually deny signing the documents? All her actions
>prove otherwise - she closed the current support case and SD
>has also lived with us for almost two months now.

She can deny signing, however you can probably prove otherwise. A notary seal is nothing more than validation that a signature is authentic. You can move for entry of stipulated judgment, on grounds that the other party has refused to acknowledge her signature, and then put her on the stand, and ask her under oath if she signed them or not. If she says no, then you could ask the court to permit you time to obtain a handwriting expert to authenticate the signatures, and for temporary orders based on the signatures as they exist.

If she is proven to be a liar, she will be in huge trouble, so I suspect that she will be forced to settle before the hearing.

>
>2. What can we do short of seeking a lawyer? (I've been
>looking for an attorney, BTW). We are trying to settle this
>out of court one more time (we are going to ask to meet with
>BM and other family members this weekend) but with the way
>things are going, I highly doubt that she is going to be
>cooperative.

Just remind her what will happen is she is found guilty of perjury.

>
>3. Does SD have to go back to BM until this is all settled? SD
>does not want to go back. She is currently in summer school
>until mid-August as well.

Emergency motion for temporary custody based on the new status quo, and the refusal of the other parent to acknowledge her signature.

[zapped]

Thanks for the previous reply. We have tried to set up another meeting to straighten things out with the BM but to no avail. We are now looking for a lawyer because we have no other choice (and we want to get things done right once and for all).

Is it reasonable for us to ask BM to pay some of our legal fees since she does not want to cooperate? Is that even legal? Just wondering. Thanks again!

[socrateaser]

Very reasonable.