restraining order

[Detter D]

history...divorced 1/04

have children eow and Tuesdays

My ex has just served me with a restraining order saying
I want to 'kill' her...(absolutely rediculous).

This is a 'payback" for me taking her to court to get
reimbursement for her half of things that will be left
at the home when the home is sold...(replaced pool filter
and had to put in a new dishwasher)which stays in the home... had to take her
to court for her to sign the purchase agreement.

Well, trying to brief, so in the meantime of getting the purchase
offer signed, tring to get reimbursement, the people who made
the offer had the home inspected, and now because of repairs
to it are offering less, and my ex says she will not sign again...
and now she put a restraining order on me because she said I
made threatening accusations to her on the phone...ABSOLUTELY
NOT TRUE.

I pay the mortgage and she is very vindictive (wants me to
suffer financially with the mortgage, so we will be on the
same field...both in apartments...AND SHE WAS THE ONE LEFT
AND LEFT THE KIDS WITH ME...somethng is wrong here....

If this doesn't end soon...I'm going to lose the house

I live in the marital home...

Questions:
1. How can I fight this restraining order?

2.  How can I drop off the children without going 100ft from
her house?

[socrateaser]

Try to limit the hyperbole. Say to yourself, "It's just business." No matter how bad it is, it will never be any worse, and it will end, eventually. If you allow it to eat at you, then you lose and the other party wins. If you just go on with your life, regardless of how oppressive it feels (and it is oppressive, I know), then you win, and the oher party loses, because you are depriving them of the one thing that they want, i.e., to show you that they can control and hurt you.

So, stiffen up your spine and keep smiling.

>Questions:
>1. How can I fight this restraining order?

Ultimately, the other party can simply allege that you did a bad thing, and the court will give them the restraining order. At the hearing, they will allege the same thing, and that gives them 1 point. Now, you need to either prove them to be a liar -- which, without a witness or tape recording, is impossible, or, you must make the judge believe that you are telling the truth, and on that basis, refuse to make the order permanent, because the other party failed to carry the burden of proving their case by a preponderance of the evidence, which means, any amount, no matter how small, more than 50%.

If there isn't a single word in the allegations that is true, then I would respond to the motion that, in as much as there is no evidence other than the words of each party as to the substance of the allegations, that you are willing to take a polygraph examination from an objective examiner appointed by the court, as evidence of your truthfulness, and that, if you pass, that the other party agrees to take a similar examination, on the statements made in her sworn affidavit.

Now, if as you say, the other party is lying and you are not, then she will either, refuse the examination, which will cause the judge to question her truthfulness (even though he's not supposed to), or, she will object to you even offering the examination, because polygraph evidence is not admissible except by consent of all parties.

This objection is improper and you should so state to the court, because you have only offerred to take an examination -- you have not offerred the test as evidence. It is your offer to take the exam that is the evidence of your truthfulness, and not the exam itself. Get it?

And, if she agrees, then do it, because NO ONE can beat the machine.

Of course, if you're lying to me, then...oh well.

>
>2.  How can I drop off the children without going 100ft from
>her house?

You get a third party to help, or have the sheriff assist, or you don't exercise custody, until you can get the court to authorize a neutral pickup/drop off location, like a police station.

[Kitty C.]

Which is SO sad.  Buf if I could make one other suggestion.  If she doesn't object to the polygraph, also have it ordered that if you FAIL, you pay for it.  But if you PASS, SHE pays for it.  I've heard that happening before!

[Detter D]

Thanks Soc and Kitty....we go to court AGAIN for me to prove that
this is not true...I am taking your advise and ask for polygraph

I'm so concerned about this because my children are in sprorts at school and this would mean I am unable to be at their games????

Right now, I will have to figure out some way of dropping the kids
off to her after my vacation (ha) with them.  I really don't want the
children even associated with the 'police'...I think that would harm
them in itself....Police...Dad must be bad...why do we have to do;
this...????

[Kitty C.]

Even tho BM might do otherwise.  I'm sure they understand or at least hae an idea how contentious it is between you and the ex, right?  Then just tell them that they are there for EVERYONE'S protection.  It also affrims to the kids that cops are the 'good guys'.  I think you need to weigh the importance of having objective, 3rd party witnesses over the possibility of the ex making further false allegations.  

Exposing your kids to cops won't harm them.......but what the BM says to them might.  Think of it in that perspective.  You have some control, or are at least on even ground, if exchanges are done at the local LEA.  But you do NOT have any control over what the BM might say.  So if that's what she wants to do, so be it.  There will eventually be a price to be paid for it, sooner or later.  Like the kids shutting her out of their lives when they get older, because she lied to them so much..........