Update on RO

[Detter D]

Thanks for advise...on RO

What actually happened was she told a BIG lie at the hearing,
and my lawyer said it was a big lie, but in the end she (the judge)
kept the RO on me for 3 more months, and then revisit.

She claimed I was in her house at 1:00 in the morning and she
saw me there...the judge asked...weren't your doors locked, she
said yes, but I didn't push it tight...

With that "new" lie she was able to keep this thing going for another
3 months,,,and my only hope is that this does not prevent me from
getting a new job that has very good prospectives...

1.  Do employers usually check to see if there is a RO on you?

2.  Is this considered a criminal offense?

[socrateaser]

>1.  Do employers usually check to see if there is a RO on
>you?

No. The only issue to an employer is whether you are convicted of a crime. However, if you have a typical Violence Against Women Act restraining order, that order permits the protected person to call the police at any time and have you arrested on nothing more than their statement that you have violated the order.

You can ask your attorney try to negotiate with the other attorney for a "no-contact" order, and to dismiss the RO, because the "no-contact" is civil, and the remedy is a contempt hearing, not an arrest.

>
>2.  Is this considered a criminal offense?

Nope. But it is the current finding of the court that the other parent's allegations are more likely true than not, and that the finding is that the protected person will suffer irreparable harm if the RO is not maintained.

Personally, I believe that these orders are a horendous evil, but most attorneys and judges treat them as routine noadays. Nevertheless, you need to make sure that you are never anywhere near her. If you see her in the grocery store or movie theater, etc., leave.

Is this a big imposition? Yes, but the fact is you lost your hearing and the judge accepted her allegations -- so regardless of what your attorney told you, and I'm telling you here and now, that whatever you were told, it was simply to patronize you, and make you feel better about the fact that your attorney and you lost that round.

Now, you need to minimize the effects, so stay away from her.

Finally, I gave you some advice as to offering to take a polygraph. What exactly happened with that tactic?

[Detter D]

I put that offer in writing to my lawyer..that I was willing to take a
polygraph, and my lawyer didn't seem to make this offer to the
judge....

I am truely so disillusioned because I am TRUELY not guilty of anything
and my lawyer thought she was Covering her a** just on the outside
of it that I Was guilty of anything.  

My lawyer told me that she could have put it up to a year, but she thinks
she also has doubts about it, so she put a reappear in 3 mo.

I am going to suggest to my lawyer about the 'no contact' order instead of a RO.  This would be reasonable to me because I do not want any
contact with her either...the only thing is delivering children to and from
her house...The judge told me I could go get the children, but could
not get out of the car....

Also to show you how dangerous I am...my ex asked for me to
take the children because she was going to be gone all day,on her
weekend, ....NOT 48 Hrs AFTER SHE SAID I WAS GOING TO KILL HER
I sent the e-mail to my lawyer...

[socrateaser]

Remember that you are the boss, not your attorney. If you believe that a strategy, such as a polygraph, is favorable, then you can issue a writtne instruction for your attorney to offer it to the court, and your attorney must either execute that instruction or withdraw from the case.

I understand that you want to trust your lawyer, and you should, but if you think you're getting bad representation, then you need to seriously consider different counsel.

Sometimes you need to demand a response from your attorney as to why an idea is unacceptable. Don't just sit there and wonder why he/she is not offering it.

[Detter D]

You have given me great advise so many times, and I truely
appreciate it.

Thanks again, and will keep in touch
Probably in September...another court date
Want her to pay for 1/2 of things that will be left
in the house that I had to replace or fix over 200
and will be left in the house after the sale of the house.

Pllus 1/2 of the taxes on the 401 we had to split
AND had to default on two loans taken against it,
and need her to pay half of the penalties and taxes.

SO...are ya ready????

Along with a charge for two tickets on my frequent-flyer
miles discount..she took a trip with her lover to Bermuda.
She has NO money though for school clothes for the kids...
She got half of my 401 which was quite a bit.

No questions tonight, but you know I'll be back with a bunch.
Thanks again

[Detter D]

You have given me great advise so many times, and I truely
appreciate it.

Thanks again, and will keep in touch
Probably in September...another court date
Want her to pay for 1/2 of things that will be left
in the house that I had to replace or fix over 200
and will be left in the house after the sale of the house.

Pllus 1/2 of the taxes on the 401 we had to split
AND had to default on two loans taken against it,
and need her to pay half of the penalties and taxes.

SO...are ya ready????

Along with a charge for two tickets on my frequent-flyer
miles discount..she took a trip with her lover to Bermuda.
She has NO money though for school clothes for the kids...
She got half of my 401 which was quite a bit.

No questions tonight, but you know I'll be back with a bunch.
Thanks again

[Detter D]

1.  Could you tell me if I am able to ask for a "no contact order" when
the RO was filed in the Probate or Family Court?

State...MA

[socrateaser]

>1.  Could you tell me if I am able to ask for a "no contact
>order" when
>the RO was filed in the Probate or Family Court?

You could have asked, but you would probably have been denied. Once a party s granted a quasi-criminal restraining order, the only realistic way to get a no-contact order is to negotiate it with the other party.

[Detter D]

could you tell me WHO I negotiate with if she does not have a
lawyer and she and I are not able to 'talk' to each other...much
less be close enough to talk..not allowed in ro.

[socrateaser]

>could you tell me WHO I negotiate with if she does not have a
>
>lawyer and she and I are not able to 'talk' to each
>other...much
>less be close enough to talk..not allowed in ro.

Well, you can write to her. Or you can hire an attorney to negotiate.

Or you could get that polygraph I suggested, and then file a motion to set aside the restraining order, on grounds that the test shows you were telling the truth. If she has no attorney, then she won't know how to object to the admission of the evidence, and the court will probably allow the test results and then set aside the RO.

food 4 thought.