Bad hygene habits

[barbie]

Soc,

I am NCP.  EOW visitation. One night during week.  Children live 1 1/2 hours away.  Children are 10 & 7.

I had the children for 6+ weeks in summer. (per agreement) While they are with me they take showers at least 3 times a week, if not more and brush their teeth at least 1 time a day, if not 2.

While visiting my children last week (thurs.) I noticed my daughter's teeth were extremely yellow. (she is 7)  I asked when she last brushed her teeth.  She told me at my house. I asked when they last had a shower.  They said at my house.  Mind you this is Thursday and they left my house on Sunday.  I talked to them on the phone last night.  Asked her about brushing her teeth.  She STILL hasn't.  I asked about taking showers.  They both took one on Saturday.  Almost a week after they left my house.

My ex has terrible teeth and my son's teeth are crooked and bad too, genetics I assumed.  He does brush regularly, now.

My questions:

1)Isn't this some kind of neglect?

2)How do I address this with ex? (whenever I question anything or show concern regarding anything there I am told it is none of my business) An exact example would be appreciated, as I can't ever seem to get thru to him thanks to his "wife".

3)After I address with ex and he tells me to mind my own business, what can I do?

I do not want my daughter and son being lazy on their personal hygene.  I was told by someone to call CPS, but I don't know that this is "life threatening".  Just wrong!!!

Any advise would be greatly appreciated.
Barbie

[socrateaser]

>1)Isn't this some kind of neglect?

It would be to me.

>
>2)How do I address this with ex? (whenever I question anything
>or show concern regarding anything there I am told it is none
>of my business) An exact example would be appreciated, as I
>can't ever seem to get thru to him thanks to his "wife".

You need to write a letter expressing your dismay over the issue and ask if there isn't some way that this could be improved. You are looking for a response that tells you to mind your own business, but admits that  bathing for the children is not a routine occurance. That could get you enough evidence to ask the court to reconsider custody on grounds that the custodial parent is acting against the child's best interests.

>
>3)After I address with ex and he tells me to mind my own
>business, what can I do?

See above.

>
>Any advise would be greatly appreciated.

Unless I'm mistaken, you are a smoker. Children are more led by your example than they are your words.

[barbie]

>
>Unless I'm mistaken, you are a smoker. Children are more led
>by your example than they are your words.
>

I appreciate your advise.  However, your last comment.   Yes I smoke, but I also shower everyday and brush my teeth everyday.   I also do not smoke around the children.  What does me smoking have to do with them and their hygene?  

[socrateaser]

>>
>>Unless I'm mistaken, you are a smoker. Children are more led
>>by your example than they are your words.
>>
>
>I appreciate your advise.  However, your last comment.   Yes I
>smoke, but I also shower everyday and brush my teeth everyday.
>  I also do not smoke around the children.  What does me
>smoking have to do with them and their hygene?

Smoking is legal, therefore you can do it. My philosophy equates legal with moral, so I make no value judgment about you or your behavior based on whether or not you smoke. However, it is unarguable that smoking is an extremely dangerous activity. It is also unarguable that cigarette smoke and ash permeates a smoker's skin, hair, clothing and living environment.

I find this odor unappealing, in exactly the same manner as I would find the odor of perspiration, urine, feces and/or other strong body odors unappealing. Thus to me, the smell of smoke is unhygenic.

You are arguing that your ex allows your children to exhibit bad hygene. I submit, that by smoking, you are tacitly demonstrating to your children that bad hygene is acceptable behavior. These two positions are logically inconsistent, and your children will recognize it, because children learn by example.

If you file for a custody mod, and your ex submits, that regardless of his bathing rules or the environment of his home, that it is equal or superior to yours, as an alternative, he will have a logically consistent argument, in consideration of which, the court will give substantial weight.

My original statement, that "children are led more by your example than they are by your words," therefore, is appropriate under the circumstances.

[barbie]

Okay, that is more understandable.  And because of the fact that I am going to go for custody my husband and I both are getting a plan in action to stop smoking, not just for custody sake but for health sake also.  I agree, to some degree, with your opinion and will definately take that into consideration.
Although sometimes you "hit a nerve", you also open eyes.  I appreciate that point of view and honesty as it is things someone close to you won't say!  
So thank you.  
And wish us luck on our becoming smoke free!!!!!!!!!!!