Humor - OT - Repblican Natl. Convention Schedule

[Brent]

REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE CONVENTION SCHEDULE  New York,NY
 
6:00 PM Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell

6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance

6:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd Amendment)

6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing

6:46 PM Seminar #1:  Getting Your Kid a Military Deferment

7:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bong

7:35 PM Freedom Fries served

7:40 PM EPA Address #1:  Mercury:  It's What's for Dinner

8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next

8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh

8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture:  The Homos Are After Your Children

8:30 PM Round table discussion on reproductive rights (men only)

8:50 PM Seminar #2:  Corporations:  The Government of the Future

9:00 PM Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"

9:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong

9:10 PM EPA Address #2:  Trees:  The Real Cause of Forest Fires

9:30 PM break for secret meetings

10:00 PM Second Prayer led by Cal Thomas

10:15 PM Carl Rove Lecture:  Doublespeak Made Simple

10:30 PM Rumsfeld Lecture/Demonstration:  How to Squint and Talk Macho Even When You Feel Squishy Inside

10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark "deer in headlights" stare

10:40 PM John Ashcroft Demonstration:  New Mandatory Kevlar ChastityBelt

10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black Republicans

10:46 PM Third Presidential Beer Bong

10:50 PM Seminar #3:  Education:  A Drain on Our Nation's Economy

11:10 PM Hilary Clinton Pinata

11:20 PM John Ashcroft Lecture:  Evolutionists:  A Dangerous New Cult

11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again

11:35 PM Blame Clinton

11:40 PM Laura serves milk and cookies

11:50 PM Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself

12:00 PM Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord