BF pays for trip, what if BM wont let child go?

[heather2662]

Illinois Residence.

Divorced in Oct. 2003. Three children, 17, 15, 13.

I am the Bio Father. Bio Mother has sole physical custody. Daughter is 13yrs old.

My Duaghter was recently been nominated to participate in the government program,  "People to People Student Ambassador Program."

(President Dwight D. Eisenhower founded People to People during his administration. People to People Student Ambassadors travel overseas for two to three weeks during the summer to learn, share, and represent their communities and schools.)

Bio Mother refuses to pay for program and wants nothing to do with this at all. That is just fine with me, I elected to pay for the trip alone.

The total estimated cost of the trip is just over $6,000.00.

Daughter told me that Bio Mother uses the trip occasionally as leverage in arrguments. general example: " If you don't do want I say, I won't let you go on the trip."

Bio Mother frequently interupts my visitation time and withholds children from visitation time and the make-up visitation time. She has not been coopertive or willing to work with me on almost every matter we encounter.

As the  time gets closer to the Student Ambassador Program departure date, the amount of the refund and portion fee withholding changes. (Closer to the date - the less money you can get back, all the way to $0.)

Questions:

1. If I get her to sign an agreement of some sort that she gives her permission for Daughter to go on trip, can I use that to ensure my investment and that Daughter gets to go?

2. If Bio Mother backs out and refuses to let Daughter go, making me loose any money, can I sue her in court? Please advise on possible outcome with and without signed agreement.

Thank you,
Mark

[socrateaser]

>1. If I get her to sign an agreement of some sort that she
>gives her permission for Daughter to go on trip, can I use
>that to ensure my investment and that Daughter gets to go?

You can use an agreement to obtain reimbursement if the mother refuses to permit you to exercise visitation consistent with the requirements of the trip, but only the court can grant you an independent right to unrestricted custody necessary to ensure that your child can go.

>2. If Bio Mother backs out and refuses to let Daughter go,
>making me loose any money, can I sue her in court? Please
>advise on possible outcome with and without signed agreement.

I seriously doubt that your ex will sign an agreement, and frankly, you shouldn't have paid for the trip until you obtained her written consent. However, now that you have already paid, I suggest that you write her a letter, and send it certified, return receipt, so that you have her signature that she received it, as follows:

Dear EX,

Per our verbal agreement of ??/??/??, I have made travel arrangements for our daughter to participate in the "People to People Ambassador Program" (see attached itinerary).  I am voluntarily accepting the obligation to pay for the entire cost of the program ($6,000.00) without any expectation of a contribution from you.

Recently, on ??/??/??, you related to me that you may rescind your permission and prevent our daughter from attending this program. Obviously, this would have the effect of both depriving our daughther of a wonderful opportunity, as well as depriving me of the benefit of my already contracted for travel arrangements.

While I cannot likely prevent you from withholding the trip from our daughter, I believe that the court can and will hold you financially liable for any out of pocket costs that I cannot recover as reimbursement from the various travel providers.

I have attached a schedule of the amount of refund that I can obtain and the dates after which those refunds are no longer available. Please keep these dates in mind, as, if your future actions actually cause me to lose any money, I will immediately file suit against you to recover my losses.

Sincerely,

[InTheMiddle]

Ohhhhhh!!!!!

I like that letter!!!

1)  Can I use a version of it when BM refuses to send children for visitation when the plane tickets have already been paid for?

[socrateaser]

>Ohhhhhh!!!!!
>
>I like that letter!!!
>
>1)  Can I use a version of it when BM refuses to send children
>for visitation when the plane tickets have already been paid
>for?

Yes, as long as you purchased the tickets in reliance on BM's prior agreement that the children would be available on the travel date. The trick is always proving that the other parent agreed in advance, which is why you MUST either get their written consent prior to purchasing the tickets, or you must send them a certified, return receipt requested, letter stating your intent to purchase the tickets, based on that parent's verbal consent, and give them a date certain to notify you not to purchase, after which date, they will be liable.

Unfortunately, the best way to avoid this problem is to buy fully refundable tickets -- which of course, is always the most expensive option.