When is suitable and when is it bickering?

[dipper]

My husband recently sent his ex a letter regarding violations and many 'falsehoods' contained in a letter she sent to him.  This time he put a page in there of specific questions with a date for them to be returned.  

They have joint legal custody with her being physical custodian - she now lives 2 hours away.  The son is 13.  She signed the son up for basketball tryouts without ever discussing it with dh - simply telling him that it may cut into his time.  My husband, in his letter, spoke of advantages and disadvantages but in no way said what side he would come down on - as the decision had already been made.  Her response - to accuse him of 'putting down' his son as this was HIS decision and its HIS life.  This is the same person who forced the son to move with her when he didnt want to go.

She took the son for a doctor's appt which she claimed was due to the counselor.  However, upon receiving my husbands letter, the doctor called and knew nothing about counseling or behavior problems.  It was only after this that he called and spoke with her about it.  The son had a physical for basketball - two weeks before my husband was notified that he was trying out.  

My husand - and I - are beyond frustrated by all her lies and control.  He asked for specific dates in December - she adjusted every one.  He says 7 pm. - she demands 6 pm.  She says the son needs to be home earlier in order to get ready for school the next day - although he is out most nights until 9:30 while she works.  And..she says the child cannot be called after 9:30 because he is getting ready for school the next day - although he cannot be reached earlier because he isnt there!

Soc...or anyone else with an opinion.....

Is addressing all of these matters equivalent to bickering?  We dont want the lies to stand as they are.  



Can she refuse my husband the right to pick his son up from school?  He wanted to do so, but she says no - has to be from her house.  Prior to her moving, the child got off the bus at my husband's home on Th and didnt see his mom again until Sunday.





She refuses to give my husband the babysitter's number, but says he cannot call the child after he gets home either.  Should this wait until they go back to court in January to be addressed?





Everything dh asks for, she denies and places her concrete demand.  The court order states 'mutual consent' so is there any recourse?



the court order states that visitation  = other times as consented by both parties.  The son was suspended for fighting.  Could not go to school on Friday.  Husband wanted to pick him up - she would not allow it.  Took the child to work with her and brought him that evening.  Is she allowed to rule with an iron hand?

[socrateaser]

>Is addressing all of these matters equivalent to bickering?
>We dont want the lies to stand as they are.

Bickering is not a claim for legal relief. You have a court order that specifies the terms and conditions of custody. Both parents must adhere to the orders or they can be held in contempt. If you can show with clear and convincing evidence, i.e., disinterested third-party testimony, or tape recordings made with the offending parent's knowledge, that the parent is habitually violating the orders so as to vex and harrass your reasonable exercise of custody/visitation/parenting time, then you can probably gain a contempt order in your favor and sanctions (money, more parenting time) against the other parent.

If you can't do the above, then the court will sigh and send you away, saying, "I'm sorry, but without more convincing evidence, I cannot find contempt -- motion dismissed with prejudice."

>Can she refuse my husband the right to pick his son up from
>school?  He wanted to do so, but she says no - has to be from
>her house.  Prior to her moving, the child got off the bus at
>my husband's home on Th and didnt see his mom again until
>Sunday.

I can't answer without your posting the EXACT TEXT of the custody orders.

>She refuses to give my husband the babysitter's number, but
>says he cannot call the child after he gets home either.
>Should this wait until they go back to court in January to be
>addressed?
>

Same answer.

>Everything dh asks for, she denies and places her concrete
>demand.  The court order states 'mutual consent' so is there
>any recourse?

>the court order states that visitation  = other times as
>consented by both parties.  The son was suspended for
>fighting.  Could not go to school on Friday.  Husband wanted
>to pick him up - she would not allow it.  Took the child to
>work with her and brought him that evening.  Is she allowed to
>rule with an iron hand?

Basically, an order granting visitation to the non-custodial parent as agreed to by both parties, leaves the custodial parent holding all the cards, because all the mother needs to do is never agree and she wins.

You need to have your custody orders clarified so as to remove the ambiguity, on grounds that the present orders create conditions which cause acrimony between the parents, and therefore are not in "the child's best interests."

[dipper]

Soc, as to clear, convincing evidence that she is blocking hubby's communication/time with son - wouldnt her letter stating that she has signed the son up for basketball and he may not see him until a day later qualify?  As well as the most recent letter that altered hubbys requests for visitation - and states - unless he has basketball these days and then hubby can see him afterward.  Also, she has put in writing that the babysitter does not want her # given out - and that hubby cannot call after 9:30 which is the time the son usually gets home from the sitter's house.


So, do her own letters qualify?  

Thank you and I hope you are enjoying your vacation - even though you duck in to help all of us frazzled people!!  

[MixedBag]

What does the order say (exactly) as to when dad and son are allowed to have time together?

Then any deviation is a reason to file contempt and her letters become evidence for those deviations.

Keep a log of the deviations and take it to court.

[dipper]

The order simply says three weekends per month, to be agreed upon by both parents.  Then he requests, she overrides.  And she specifically states when he can have the child - and that if basketball occurs during any of this, his time will be cut.

There is never any discussion about anything.  Even medication - she specifically states in a letter that "I decided..."  She pretends the thought of mutual agreement does not exist.  I know she can override, but wont it still look bad that my hubby is never even aware of the events to begin with?

[MixedBag]

So here's what you do.

Keep documentation say for 6 months.  Let dad request, let her decide.  Go with the flow (because I bet she will shoot herself in the foot in the end).

Over a period of 6 months, see if dad ended up with three weekends per month.  If not, then file.

If she cuts time for basketball, take her to court, as long as dad doesn't end up with 3 weekends per month.

That's what you hang your hat on.....it's the only concrete part of the divorce decree.  Does it say what TIME the weekend starts?  Probably not, and since she has the child, and she's the CP, when the order is vague, she holds all the cards.

(work with the coaches and stuff to get the child's sports schedule since she's with holding the information or not telling you at the last minute).

[socrateaser]

>The order simply says three weekends per month, to be agreed
>upon by both parents.

File motion to clarify the existing custody order, on grounds that its ambiguity creates uncertainty and acrimony in the relationship between the parents, which is not in the child(ren)'s best interests.

The order states that you are entitled to 3 weekends per month, therefore, if the custodial parent bars you from the first two, you get the next three. If you only get the child during 2 weekends, that is contempt.

The ambiguity is that it is uncertain exactly when a weekend begins and ends. However, the technical definition of a weekend is pretty straightforward, i.e., 00:00 hours Saturday thru 23:59:59 hours Sunday, which clearly is not in anyone's best interests.