Grounds for Modification?

[Imom]

Here is the situation. (9-10 drive one way) Dh and BM have this as the co.


STATE OF INDIANA                                            IN THE KNOX SUPERIOR COURT 1
COUNTY OF KNOX                                                                 CASE NO.

XXXXXXX XXXXX XXXX

V.
XXXX XXXXX XXXXX, XX


AGREEMENT CONCERNING CUSTODY AND VISITTATION
Comes no the parties hereto and herein submit to the Court the following agreement concerning the Custody and Visitation of their minor child.

1. Background: List all parties and child's name, dob's . S.S. number's and what state they will reside.

2. Legal custody: The parties herein agree that they will share joint legal custody of the minor child.

3. Physical Custody: The parties agree that they shall each share the physical custody of their child in the following manner:

Father: The father shall have physical custody of the minor child from 1 week prior to the school year
until 1 week following the school year.

Mother: The mother shall have physical custody of the minor child during times when the child is out of school for any period of time longer than a 3 day weekend.

4. Transportation: The parties acknowledge that this arrangement may lead to considerable expense for transporting the child between residences. After careful consideration and discussion, the parties agree that transportation shall be the responsibility of the non-custodial parent.

5. Support: The parties agree that any support obligation in this matter would be nearly equal.
Therefore, the parties have agreed that no direct support shall be paid from 1 parent to the other.

6. Visitation: The parties agree that the distance involved will make visitation difficult. The parties agree to any reasonable visitation upon advanced notice.

The Christmas vacation on even years will be spent with the father and the Christmas vacation on odd years will be spent with the mother.

7. Tax Exemption: The father shall be allowed to claim the child, xxxxx xxxxx xxxxx, as a dependant for tax purposes for the even years. The father agrees to execute any documents necessary for the mother to claim said child during the odd years.

The mother shall be allowed to claim the child, xxxxx xxxxx xxxxx, as a dependent for tax purposes for the odd years. The mother agrees to execute any documents necessary for the father to claim said child during the even years.

Both parties signed, ordered and dated by the court December 23, 1998.




I will try and keep this short. From 1999-April 2003 BM pick up at 3:30 P.M. the day school is released, Dh at 8:00 A.M. the day before school resumed (during the school months) From summer Bm picked up at 8:00 A.M. on the day one week after school, us at 8:00A.M.

The Summer of 2002 Bm requested we wait until 5:00 PM. Dh said no, so she lethim have him at 7:30 A.M. but later decided that for summer time he would agree to that so we has an attorney send her a modification with regards to all pick ups, and other exchange informations.

But she filed for reversal of custody only stating that it would be in ss's best interest to live with her.  Our attorney told us all these issues could not be brought up, until after this was over and we had problems again we could take it to court then.

The reversal was denyed, but the Court added one call a week.

Bm and I talked and she agreed to a modification with all issues hammered out if in return we meet halfway for exchanges. Dh agreed to all but....we had to meet the day after school was released at 12:00 pm and at 12:00 pm EST, and he would not meet for T-giving. (because we would have to meet on T-giving day)

I had everthing ready to go then the school aproved a new calender that added Wednesday off from school. So I told BM we would agree to meet now and we would wait until after T-giving to sign so this would have given everyone a good feel on meeting half way.

We have since X-mas of last year, but dh will not meet her now beacuse of (below)

BM decided not to meet, she is driving all the way here. I told her we would meet her at 3:30 P.M.  like we used to, Bm wants to pick ss up from school. DH told her no so of course there is war.

(side note I have told dh a judge may say bm could pick up ss from school but we don't want to be at her hand when its time for dh to pick up)(our attorney is over seas right now so dh would have to do this alone, and would like to jump on this as soon as he can)


Questions
1. Can Dh file somethimg with the courts to settle all issues, pick ups, exchange of info, etc.
2. Is it to late to ask Thanksgiving to be split E/O year. (If this is taken back to court)
3. If the answer to 3. is no, how could/should he ask that it would be in ss's best interest to have t-givig E/O year with him.
4. In your experiance or what Pick up Times would you think is fare.

[socrateaser]

>>Questions
>1. Can Dh file somethimg with the courts to settle all issues,
>pick ups, exchange of info, etc.

Motion to modify parenting schedule, on grounds of change of circumstances.

>2. Is it to late to ask Thanksgiving to be split E/O year. (If
>this is taken back to court)

No, change of circumstances is new school schedule re Turkey day.


>3. If the answer to 3. is no, how could/should he ask that it
>would be in ss's best interest to have t-givig E/O year with
>him.

Just say it's fair that the new day off be split between parents.

>4. In your experiance or what Pick up Times would you think is
>fare.

"Fare" is the "fair" cost of a ride at the "Fair," where you may also test the "fair's" "fare!" (I'll have another brew, please).

Anyway, what's fair doesn't matter, it's what's in the child's best interests that counts, when parents are at odds with each other. If you request things with that in the front of your mind, your chances of winning rise considerably.

[Imom]

Frist of all Thanks for your reply so fast.....And please don't be offended

But You have confused me, trust me that not hard for any one to do.

The part of Thanksgiving. If you read the CO, because it states BM is to have physical custody anytime the child is out longer then three days its her time.  (or should I say thats our understanding)

And due to the fact my dh had no clue what he was doing at that time.
This will more then likely not be allowed in court since it was brought up in court when bm tried to reverse custody (and will more then likely bare no weight but just so you have all the facts.)
to show bm did not exercise all visitations....Bm did not exercise T-giving in 1999, 2000, 2001, 0r 2002.

your answers;

>2. Is it to late to ask Thanksgiving to be split E/O year. (If
>this is taken back to court)

No, change of circumstances is new school schedule re Turkey day.


>3. If the answer to 3. is no, how could/should he ask that it
>would be in ss's best interest to have t-givig E/O year with
>him.

Just say it's fair that the new day off be split between parents


Dh would like to have the whole T-giving break in the odd years, and Bm in even.  They would not be able to split days because of the drive.

SO want I meant to ask was

1 Is it to late for him to request E/O year for that whole break, since he didn't ask when they went to court the first time.

[socrateaser]

>1 Is it to late for him to request E/O year for that whole
>break, since he didn't ask when they went to court the first
>time.

Sorry, I didn't read your court order carfully, and I gave you incorrect advice as a result.

As you implied, the extra school day Wed. before Thanksgiving is not a change in circumstances, because you already have consented to any 3 day vacation to be Mother's time.

My first suggestion is that you just let it go, and have your own Thanksgiving dinner on a different weekend, either before or after the actual holiday, because you already have the bulk of custody time, and you may cause the court to believe that you are not interested in facilitating the other parent's relationship with the child.

But, if decide that you still want to fight for more time, then I suggest that you move to modify  physical custody for the Thanksgiving Holiday, on grounds that:

a. The school has added an extra day to the Thanksgiving vacation period.
b. Mother's has actually exercised  custody during Thanksgiving Holiday in one of the past five years.
c. The lack of consistency and predictability concering exercise of custody during this important holiday causes emotional distress for the child, because the parents are at unsettled over the fair distribution of custodial time with regards to Thanksgiving.

That all of the above represents a substantial change of circumstances affecting the child's best interests, and therefore the court should resolve the issue and order the parents to exercise custody over Thanksgiving Holiday in alternating years.

I don't know how your request will be received by the court -- I'm not entirely comfortable with your trying to force more time in your favor, when you already have a significant majority, but I do understand that Thanksgiving is an important holiday.

You may annoy the judge, and end up with a denial of your motion, and possibly an order to pay the mother's costs of suit and reasonable attorney fees.

Thanksgiving is, after all, about giving thanks for what you have, not for demanding more of what you don't have. Try to think about what's best for the child, and what the child will think about all of this when he's an adult and it's time for him to invite his PARENTS to HIS house for turkey day.

You may just end up being the parent not invited.

Oh, and a Happy Thanksgiving to you.

[Imom]

What about this. DH asks for Thanksgiving in Odd Years, thus Bm getting to pick up SS The Sunday following School in odd years. Kinda like make up time.

1. would this be good enough to show the court that he does not want to hinder BM's and SS parenting Time.

[socrateaser]

You never had Thanksgiving before, even though the other parent wasn't exercising, and now that it's a five day vacation, you want to take 4 days of it back every other year. So, you're not really giving up anything.

Now, let's try it a little differently. Answer me this...what is best for the child?

[Imom]

Dh thinks its best for the child to be able to spend holiday time eqaul with both parents.

However he can not change the actions of his own doing and his attorneys.

But he also feels that he should not reduse BM's and SS's time as you pointed out. But would rather offer a different parenting order that would allow ss to share holidays between parents, but also not reduse his time with BM.

BM has it very good, our state guidelines only allow 7 weeks at summer, 7 days at xmas and spring break both weekends if possible.

Bm has 9 weeks 3 days during the summer, 16 days E/o year for x-mas, and 10 days for spring break since we give her both weekends.

Yes Dh has the better part of custody, BM has the better part of ss's free non school time.

[Imom]

your last reply, I wanted to make sure you understand when I said makeup time I meant make up time for BM.

DH has one week before the school year until one week after the school year.


The one week before the school year is when we school shop for ss, and get check ups etc.

So the week after the school year is when DH could offer to make up for BM's Time thats what I was trying to get at.


I was trying to say

1. if he asked the courts to modify the co that allows shared T-giving e/o Year but to not reduse BM's and SS's time instead of BM picking up one week after the school year in the odd years she would pick up two days after the school year. Would that be acceptable to show he does not want to reduse her parenting time.

[socrateaser]

>1. if he asked the courts to modify the co that allows shared
>T-giving e/o Year but to not reduse BM's and SS's time instead
>of BM picking up one week after the school year in the odd
>years she would pick up two days after the school year. Would
>that be acceptable to show he does not want to reduse her
>parenting time.

Yes, I think that would be a good offer, and I don't know why the mother wouldn't snap it up.