A 13 year old wants to identify his preference of managing custodian

[MiRoCK]

Soc,

Summary
My DH has 3 children (13, 10 & 8) who live in Tx with their BM.  The eldest has been having problems at school and at home.  Since he was 10 years old, he's been asking to go live with his dad.  At one point, BM even agreed to drawing up an extended visitation agreement.  SS then changed his mind because BM and boyfriend put so much pressure on him not to go, that he felt obligated to stay (his words, not ours).  

Mom later told him he couldn't make that choice until he was 12 years old.  When SS turned 12 and asked mom to go, mom told him that the Tx law had changed and he now had to be 13 years old (not true).  In August, BM said that 13 year old could go live with dad (out of state), as long as her attorney said it was ok.  On that basis, 13 year old signed affidavit identifying his dad as preferred managing custodian.  Since then, the following has happened:

1.  Mom told my SS that her lawyer said it wasn't a good idea, so now he can't go.
2.  SS's grade are falling (he's gone from a honor student to barely passing).  SS is regularly subject to physical and verbal attacks from other students at school (so much so that the school police officer labelled one attack as physical assault)
3.  Mom marries boyfriend, tremendous problems erupt between new husband and SS.  Mom and new hubbie tell SS that 'the house would be better off without you in it"
4.  SS tells school counsellor that he is so fed up with his situation that he is prepared to commit suicide.  The counsellors asks if he knows how he will do it, but SS admits that he hasn't figured it out yet (The type of response is supposed to indicate if there is an immediate threat, or more of a cry for help).  
6.  School reports incident to Child Protective Services.  Casework tells dad that mom has told her that SS will be moving to go live with his dad at the end of December.  Mom told CPS that SS was seeing a counsellor, but this is not true either.
7.  The BM sends dad a letter outlining her terms and conditions of transferring managing custodian responsibilities.  In it, she demands a single lump sum payment of the outstanding CS that DH owes (we were in the midst of negotiating a repayment schedule between our lawyers when  she made this demand)
8.  In this letter, she admits that SS would probably be happier living with his dad.
9.  SS calls us regularly to tell us that his mom says he can't go until his dad is current on his CS (using child to pressure dad to pay in one lump sum).

On top of all this, despite court order, BM has neglected to seek and enrol the 10 year old in services to address his diagnosed autism related disorder.  Dad went to Tx court in May 2004, and got very tight wording approved about Mom's responsibilities to provide medical support and psychological services for kids.  Also, tighter wording on visitation and phone contact was put in place.  Mom also told judge at that time that she was not working, just so that she could work with the middle child on his school and medical issues (he's failing reading and science) and to stay at home with her new baby.  At that time, judge temporarily transferred additional financial responsibilities to dad.  Judge said "OK. Fine.  You have until your youngest child turns 1 year old to stay home.  After that, I expect you to go out and get a job and start supporting your other children").  Youngest has now turn 1 year old, and mom is making no sign of getting out there and support kids.

We have documentation from school that no extra help is going on.  BM has refused to act on medical referrals that the doctors have given (we talked to them ourselves).  We are going to court in January to press contempt of court charges for the many violations she has made (including denying visitation).  AT the same time, we are going to put SS's petition in front of judge.

Even though we think we have a compelling case here, one never knows how a judge will rule, particularly when it comes to the subject of transferring managing custodianship from mother to father, particularly when there are 2 other kids are involved.  So, our questions, which are more requests for opinions as opposed to facts, are as follows:

1.  Given some of the facts outlined above, do you think we have ven a reasonable chance of transferring managing custodian?


2.  How important will BM's statement to CPS worker, and the letter she sent to us demanding money and admitting that SS would be happier with dad, will be to the case?

3.  Of the facts mentioned above, are there any that you think we should down-play or up-play more than others?

4.  How do you think a judge will regard her demand for money in return for custody?

Again, I realize that I'm not really asking for facts here, more like opinions.  But, I'm really looking for some kind of feedback of whether or not we have a hope in H*ll!  If any of my questions are too repetitive, I know that you will let me know!!!!   Thanks for your time

[socrateaser]

>1.  Given some of the facts outlined above, do you think we
>have ven a reasonable chance of transferring managing
>custodian?

I don't read tea leaves, sorry.


>2.  How important will BM's statement to CPS worker, and the
>letter she sent to us demanding money and admitting that SS
>would be happier with dad, will be to the case?

The child's treat of suicide should be enough in itself to start a new custody hearing, especially as the child wants to move.

The mother's offer to sell her custody rights in exchange for valuable consideration, is probably a crime (baby selling), although getting the DA to prosecute the act of an ignorant woman is probably impossible.

Nevertheless, the offer shows an affirmative act against the child's best interests and all of the above should be grounds for seeking a new custody hearing.

>
>3.  Of the facts mentioned above, are there any that you think
>we should down-play or up-play more than others?

I'd play them all up. Not sure why a child's threat of suicide didn't have you in court the next day. Had you done so, you would be taken a lot more seriously.

>
>4.  How do you think a judge will regard her demand for money
>in return for custody?

Already answered above.

[MiRoCK]

Thanks for your thoughts and input.  I understood I was asking for forecasting, but at this point, any sense of our position is welcomed.

And just for the record (and because I know other people may post their welcomed comments), on the day that SS threatened suicide at school, Bm and Dad had a talk on the phone (we actually live outside of the U.S.)  BM initially wanted to send SS to a 'treatment centre", as opposed to letting Dad have a go at helping.  But eventually, Dad convinced mom, that night, to give him a chance at helping SS through his troubles.  Both parties agreed that they could work this out without involving attorneys or court.  That very night, my DH sent a proposal of how visitation and access could be worked, what medical support he would seek (and how costs would be handled), etc.  BM did not respond to his offer and to the messages he left on her machine asking to discuss.  It wasn't until SS was assaulted at school that discussions resumed, and BM sent the letter offering to trade custody for money.  DH's counteroffer on repayment schedule wasn't even opened by BM (on emaill) and still hasn't, until this day.

Since then, we've been bugging our attorney to get papers filed.......

I hope that we haven't lost momentum on our case because of the delays in trying to work things out with BM without involving courts, etc.........

thanks again for your views.