Phone contact

[lovebug]

I know it is Christmas Eve and I don't expect a reply but if you have a moment I would be very grateful.

BM and BD have joint physical and legal custody with BM having primary physical for school purposes. Order is in GA and both parents live in GA in neighboring counties. BM has been fighting BD about physical visitation and phone visitation. Physical visitation seems to have been taken care of through both lawyers. Phone visitation has not really been addressed as my lawyer was waiting for trial in February to get that settled.

BM has continually denied Child and Father phone contact. Mother will not allow the child (according to what child says) to call father while child is in the physical custody of mother. Father calles child every other day or every thrid day and the telephone is usually busy or a message is left and never returned.

Father has tried to call several times every day for the last 12 days since last visitation. Phone has been busy from 9 am until 9 pm.
Yesterday, Father sent email to mother about phone visitation for the holiday.

Here is the email :

I'd like to have telephone visitation with tomorrow, 12-24-04. I've tried calling a few times this week, but every time I call the telephone is busy. I thought maybe something might be wrong with your phone, but I could not be sure.

Would it be possible for you to have her call me? Can you email me back and let me know what time? I don't have any customers tomorrow so any time would be fine. Please let me know.

Thank you,



Mom's reply

you may reach at 10:30 am.

Father calls at 10:30 am and was immediatly put on speaker phone with child. Father request to child that the speakerphone be turned off. Mother speaks up and states that the speakerphone is fine and child is only permitted to speak to father on the speakerphone. Father ends call telling child he was sorry but he had to go.

The speakerphone issue has been a major objection during each conversation for over a year. Mother uses speakerphone to interrupt conversation between child and father. Often time starting arguements and yelling at father in front of child ending in child be upset and crying. During each call father has requested that speakerphone be turned off.
Father refuses to put child through that even if that means not being able to talk to child.

Court order states that child shall have free and open access to both parents and that both parents shall have free and open access to child. It also states that neither parents shall prevent or deny telephone contact at reasonable times and under reasonable circumstances.

I know that this is a little ambigious wording as there is not a set telephone schedule. I allow mother telephone contact while child is at my house any time the mother calls and we are home. If we are not home I allow the child to call her back when we return. Child is allowed to call mother anytime she wants.

All phone calls between child and father and between mother and father have been recorded for about 18 months. recordings have not been taken of child and mother. GA is a one party state, although mother is aware of recordings.

1.  To a Judge, what is considered reasonable telephone contact between parent and child?

2. Is every day phone contact reasonable?

3. Is mother's forcing child to speak to father on speakerphone legal?

4. If not illegal, how does a judge normally view that?

5. Is there any legal way I can have a telephone conversation without ex wife interrupting and getting involved in conversations and causing problems?

6. Since I have been allowing every day communication between mother and child am I obligated to continue to do so? I know there is a possibility I could have already established the president.

7. If I don't need to allow child and mother to communicate each day what is considered reasonable on my part?


Thank you for your time and happy holidays!

~D~

[socrateaser]

>>1.  To a Judge, what is considered reasonable telephone
>contact between parent and child?

Reasonable means just what it says: can an objective person find, through logical mental processes, why telephone contact should or should not take place at a given place and time? Most judges will allow contact as long as it's in the child's best interests. If you call a 5 year old at 11 pm, that's not reasonable. If you call every couple of days at 6:30pm, that probably is fine, unless there's something scheduled.

Unless there is some credible reason to suspect that the Father is a danger to the child, or is intentionally calling to disrupt the other parent's exercise of custody, then most judges would consider a phone call reasonable.

>
>2. Is every day phone contact reasonable?

It depends on how disruptive it is to the other parent's exercise of custody. I can't answer without exact circumstances and even then, the judge will answer differently.

>
>3. Is mother's forcing child to speak to father on
>speakerphone legal?

Yes, unless the court orders otherwise.

>
>4. If not illegal, how does a judge normally view that?

Unless the father is a credible danger to the child, then I would think that the judge would view this behavior has being a deliberate harrassment of the father's reasonable access to the child, and visa-versa.

>
>5. Is there any legal way I can have a telephone conversation
>without ex wife interrupting and getting involved in
>conversations and causing problems?


Have the court order privacy in communications between parent and child.

>
>6. Since I have been allowing every day communication between
>mother and child am I obligated to continue to do so? I know
>there is a possibility I could have already established the
>president.

I think you mean "precedent." ;-)

If you cut off communication from your end, you will be just as wrong as your opponent and you will have lost your leverage in court. Justice is not done by repeating the injustice of others (i.e., unless you command a large military force and you can kill anyone who stands in your way -- but, you wouldn't need me if that were the case, huh).

>
>7. If I don't need to allow child and mother to communicate
>each day what is considered reasonable on my part?

There will come a day in the not too distant future, when your child will be able to make his/her own decision as to with whom to spend a holiday. If you want that person to be you, then you will rise above your instinctive urges, and show the mother and your child who is the better parent.

>Thank you for your time and happy holidays!

...and to u 2.

PS. Sometimes (in fact, most times) our emotions cloud our ability to take advantage of a seemingly hopeless situation. Next time the mother puts the child on the speakerphone, try this:

(before going on, you need to get yourself a telephone recording device, and have it running -- Radio Shack has them, if not available elsewhere)

You: Why are you putting our child on speakerphone?

Her: (answer doesn't matter).

You: So you don't think that the child deserves a little privacy?

Her: (answer doesn't matter).

You: OK, well, as long as I have to conduct this conversation in a public forum, you don't mind if I record the conversation, then do you?

Her: Yes, I do mind.; No, I don't mind; no response; mother's answer doesn't matter -- what matters is that the call continues on the speakerphone -- nothing else.

You: Continue the conversation. Talk to the child. However the chat proceeds you want to do nothing other than to talk to the kid as if the mother wasn't listening at all. Obviously, you don't want to say anything bad about the mother.

If the mother allows the converstation, then she has impliedly consented to its recording and, thereby, to its subsequent admission as evidence in court procedings.

If you don't succeed the first time, and mother hangs up instantly -- just keep on trying. You only need to get just one of these conversations, where the mother is treating you like crap in front of the kid on tape.

If you do, then the mother will be evicerated by the judge in court -- a really nasty conversation, where you are viewed as having done nothing to create a hostile atmosphere, could win you custody -- all by itself.

[lovebug]

Thank you. You must have missed that I said that phone calls between mother and myself and child and myself have been recorded for 18 months. Almost 40 cassette tapes worth. Mother was made aware in writing as well as her attorney through my attorney.

Mother has repeatedly been recorded yelling at me in front of the child  and then telling the child to shut up and stop crying because "she didn't want to hear that racket" while on the phone. It is truly astonishing to hear some of the things she has said. I have also recorded over 200 busy signals. It's my opinion that mother is leaving computer connected to internet all day so I cannot call. Mother will not answer cell phone when I call at all.

On the issue of me refusing the child contact. I don't want to do that. But up to now I have gone out of my way to make sure child calls mother and that the child is available when mother calls. I will continue to do so and allow any and all contact that either desire.

It's frustrating but I believe that it will come to light which parent has promoted the relationship with the other parent.

Thanks again!

~D~