Visitation: Justice delayed is justice denied

[indisbelief]

Will County-Illinois
I have joint custody, every other weekend. My ex keeps not showing up or flatly denying visitation. After mediation failed, I filed my first visitation violation almost 18 months ago. Since then, the visitation violations have gotten progressively worst---depending on what mood she is in.

We have had 6 "status" hearings OVER THE LAST 18 months..which she came up with excuses for 5 of them...finally last week, she showed up and the judge said, this looks like a two day trial. The first time I have time is in May.

Am I just dumb here? Wasting my money on all of these violations? My legal bills are up to $10,000 with the two day trial estimated to be another $6,000. In the meantime, I am going broke, emotionally and financially, it will be over two years of my daughter being put in the middle, crying when I try and pick her up or just disappearing. She is being hurt...when her mom says "daddy is trying to put me in jail" etc.

What is the point of this? Sometimes I think she would be better off if I stop fighting this and stop trying to see her.  HOW COME, IF I AM ONE SECOND LATE ON CHILD SUPPORT---THE WORLD COMES CRASHING DOWN AND THE GOVERMENT WILL TRY AND GARNISH MY PAYCHECK ETC....BUT IF I AM BEING DENIED MY PARENTING TIME---I HAVE JOINT CUSTODY---I HAVE TO WAIT 2 YEARS? MY DAUGHTER WILL BE GROWN!!!   ---IN DISBELIEF!:(

[socrateaser]

You have to decide what battles you wish to fight, and when it's cost effective. I can't make that call -- it's your money. If you want the laws changed, you'll need to start writing your state legislators and telling them (as I frequently mention), that if they do not fix this inequity in the law, that you will vote against them in every election, and against everyone in their political party, and against everyone who is elected in their place, based upon their response to this custody v. support problem, and that you will continue to vote against them regardless of the rest of their legislative performance.

Unless you complain just like that, and get others to complain with you, NOTHING will ever change.

As a practical matter, you must still decide when you can't fight anymore. I don't know how young your daughter is and I don't know how many more years you have before she's an adult, but if it's a long time, and you have a high likelihood of winning, then you may want to fight all the way to the end and if you prevail, your ex may just start backing down.

I can tell you for ABSOLUTE sure, that if you do not fight, your ex will just keep doing whatever she wants to do.

You may, of course, simply decide to just shut up and pay your bills and tell your child that you're sorry but if she wants to spend time with you, that she will have to ask her mom.

Then, you just save all your money, and when you do get a chance to see your kid, you will have more money to spend on her. Which of course will teach her that men are to be used to obtain money and for no other purpose. Then when your child grows up, she will have learned to repeat the exact same thing that is now being done to you, on her husband at some future date unknown.

I'm really not trying to sermonize with you. It sucks, I know. Been there, done that. Wish I had an easy solution. All you can do is make sure that your ex is on notice that you will record every communication between you, and that every single time she fails to follow the court orders that you will file for contempt, and that you will never stop until she starts adhering to the orders.

Eventually, you will have enough evidence to force the judge to throw mom in jail for a few days, and if mom keeps getting creamed, eventually she will snap, and you may end up with custody.

Sadly, when this happens, your child's mom will be unable to pay support, because her entire mental state will have been destroyed, but, that's how the scenarios usually play out.

In the meanwhile, you will pay out for huge attorney fees.

Write your state legislator. If you don't, then you have no right to complain.

[indisbelief]

I actually did call Blagoyavich, our governor here in Illinois, and he had a person assigned to such matters. I spoke at length with that person and they asked me to show my documentation and they would get back to me. This is serious stuff, she disregarded a court order on one of the visitation violations that gave me make up time and her excuse was her lawyer never gave her a copy of the court order. Anyway, I sent the packet of info to the governor, that was 7 months ago. Never heard a word! So I guess that is just how it is. Shut up, pay your child support. One day, hopefully the judge will actually find time to see what she is doing, and by then the damage is done.....I hope I never hear the phrase "fatherless america" anymore...this is why!