Parenting time question

[backwardsbike]

Hi Soc,

All parties in PA.  I am NCP mom. There are two children involved: Son 15 and daughter12.  I have the children only EOW and half of all Summer and hoildays. This is by Court Order. All of my attempts to gain more parenting time have been strenuously blocked by CP.

Both children are involved in scouting.  CP is on the board of the boyscouts.  SM is the girl scout leader.  Many activites are scheduled for my weekends.  Normally I would participate with the children; however, I have a physical disability which now prohibits me from hiking and camping.

I dislike continually loosing parenting time for camp outs etc. when I know that the children often do not attend when CP has custody of them.  I have requested that he allow me make up time if I am going to loose an entire weekend due to a scouting activity but he has refused.

Our judge is very pro scouts.  Time had been taken from me for girl scout camp with out make up in the past.  This was effected during a custody confrence.  There was no hearing on the issue.

This ended when I volunteered to be the camp nurse and the CP suddenly had a prepaid "family" vacation that my daughter had to go on.  To get her out of camp with me the ex brought evidence that the girl scouts have many different opportunites for camp and so I should just take her to one on one of my weeks.

We, of course, stated that then they could just take her on one of their weeks and then I would not have to miss my parentng time.  Unfortunately, the Boy Scouts do not have as much flexibility.

Questions:  

1. If I do not allow my son to go to a scouting activity on my time can the judge make me let him go without make up time?

2. Is it relevant that the CP does not take the son to all boy scouting activites during his parenting time?

3. Is it proper for the CP  to make the decision on whether or not son goes to an activity without consulting me but I must either yeild to what the CP wants or end up in court?

4. If #3 is No then what is my legal remedy?

[socrateaser]

>Questions:  
>
>1. If I do not allow my son to go to a scouting activity on my
>time can the judge make me let him go without make up time?

Most judges adhere to their legal obligations, but some just play God. If you have a demigod for a judge, then he will order whatever he wants and you're SOL. However, ordinarily, you should be able to exercise time as per the court orders and if the other parent refuses to permit it, then that parent is in contempt.

Unfortunately, getting sanction against the other parent to stop the games is usually very tough, and costs a fortune, so in practice, primary caretaker parents are holding most of the good cards, and NCPs take it in the rear.

Write your state legislator and complain about the unfairness in the custody laws. Nothing will ever change unless you do.

>
>2. Is it relevant that the CP does not take the son to all boy
>scouting activites during his parenting time?

Yes, but until you have a long pattern of behavior all related to the same type of violation, you don't have the clear and convincing evidence necessary to sustain a contempt motion. I'd say that at least 5 very similar custody violations is a minimum.

>
>3. Is it proper for the CP  to make the decision on whether or
>not son goes to an activity without consulting me but I must
>either yeild to what the CP wants or end up in court?

It's all about what's in your court orders and whether or not there is any discretion allowed. The more discretion, the more difficult to prove contempt. "Proper" has nothing to do with this. It's about "lawful" or "unlawful," and nothing else.

I would need to read the EXACT text of your custody order to tell you where your rights are. You may be misinterpreting your judge's rulings as being pro scouts, when he is really just following the laws of contempt, and you don't have enough evidence to prove your case.

>4. If #3 is No then what is my legal remedy?

Sigh. It's really a lot more simple than you think. To prove contempt you must prove, clearly and convincingly, that:

1) there is a valid, enforceable court order.
2) the other parent knows of the order.
3) the other parent willfully and with conscious disregard, violated that court order.

If you prove all of the above to a reasonable certainty (which means, so that the judge is comfortable that there is little likelihood of any other explanation for the defendant's actions), then you win. If you don't, then you lose.

So, read your court order. Determine exactly what the other parent has done, and whether or not it violates the order. Then determine whether or not you can prove, with objective evidence, i.e., receipts or disinterested witnesses, or by a written admission from the other parent, etc., that the other parent did exactly what you say he did in violation of the order. And, then determine if you can prove, similarly, that those actions in violation of the order were done intentionally and with conscious disregard for the court's order.

The above is how your attorney must examine your case. So it's also how you must examine it. Above, when I said that it was simple, I meant that it's simple to lay out the rule.

What is not so simple is to prove each element so that you can methodically walk into court and KNOW that you're gonna win. Few people can afford to pay an attorney to make a case like that, and few people walk around with a video recorder to document every moment of their lives so that a judge can say, "YEP! There it is...ConTEMP!" Guilty as charged!

But, thems da rules of da game, and there are no other alternatives, other than to just shut up and pay your support and ride it out until your kids are all grown up.

I seem to be giving everyone the same bad news today. If you want concrete advice, you must give me concrete facts. Without them, all I can do is philosophize, and that's not what I'm here for.