Vacations

[NeverGiveUp]

Soc,

This is really childish but I simply don't know what else to do.  A brief history.  Divorced 3 years ago with agreement for visitation of overnights once a week, afternoons once a week, and every other weekend Friday till Monday am.  The day the judge signed the decree my ex took out a restraining order claiming I was threat to the children.  GAL sided with mom and offered 3.5 hrs a week and every other weekend Friday till Sunday, if I agrees to attend therapy.  I was standing in a bit of a hole so I accepted.  Attended therapy for one year with therapist / social worker.  In that years time I would only communicate with ex via email (written).  Took emails to therapy with me.  I was denied special days like my birthday and all but 1week of vacation for the year.  7/04 I asked for increased visitation and a vacation schedule. It was denied.  I filed for custody.  GAL never met with me, never spoke to me, slammed me pretty hard in front of the judge.  Social worker swore out an affidavit stating that she found me to be a good father that deserved equal time with his children.  She went further to say that the mother was finding any excuse to keep the children from me and was not acting in the children's best interest.  The judge declared that the statement was self-serving (did I mention they sent me there?) and threw out the case.  I get no vacation, no special days just the 3.5 hrs and ever other.  

The children were recently invited to visit friends during the spring break.  They were also invited to go away with friends of ours this summer. This is a blurb from an email the ex sent me:

"I thought I'd provide you with advance notice regarding the 2 weeks that I plan to take the children away"

The dates coincidently were exactly the dates the children were invited to places with me. Exactly one day later I got this one.

. . . "Furthermore, you should not be discussing taking the children on a trip that is not part of the court ordered visitation schedule unless we've discussed it first.  The children should not feel as if they need to choose between trips" Our court order does not show alternating school breaks nor 2 weeks in the summer. . . ."

Now, the ex has already pumped the children up about taking them out of the state and then again out of the country for vacations.  I was never consulted and it conflicts with my time.  I can't for the life of me see why I should do anything but try to stop it.

1)Can my ex get a passport without my okay? Can I stop her from taking them out of the country and if so how?
2)Is my ex allowed to pump up the kids about going away during my scheduled time without my consent (including purchasing the tickets).
3)Should I send notification stating that summer vacations are not part of the court order but I'd be more than happy to negotiate a new order?  I realize that I could squeeze a vacation out of this.  But only because she wants something this year.  Next year I'm back to squat.    

[NeverGiveUp]

I was thinking of mailing this.  What do you think?

ex,

Regarding scheduling of vacations for this year and discussing plans with the children before consulting with me.  

I have spoken to child and child has indicated that child is going to Europe.  Child also mentioned going away during spring break this year.  I should have been consulted with and agreed to these vacations before the children were told that they were going.  I find this to be in blatant disregard for my visitation and the order put forth by the courts.  Particularly, our current order has no stipulation for summer vacations.  While I am willing to engage in discussions and or mediation to modify the current order, unless you are willing to do so I must insist that you abide by the current order.  I will be planning my time with the girls accordingly and expect that they will be available to me during my scheduled times.

Further, I am not comfortable with you taking the children out of the country.  Child has indicated that you are intending to secure passports for them.  I must insist that you alter your plans to coincide with our court order and keep the children within the United States.

Thank you for your understanding in this matter,
Your eternaly loving ex :-) Not!!!

[socrateaser]

>1)Can my ex get a passport without my okay? Can I stop her
>from taking them out of the country and if so how?

If she has sole custody, then she can get a passport for the child, otherwise she can't -- at least not lawfully.

>2)Is my ex allowed to pump up the kids about going away during
>my scheduled time without my consent (including purchasing the
>tickets).

You are asking whether she can do what she has already done. You already know the answer. Can she be sanctioned for frustrating your visitation rights? Maybe. I'd need to see a chronology of all the facts, and what hard objective evidence that you have to verify your version of that chronology.

>3)Should I send notification stating that summer vacations are
>not part of the court order but I'd be more than happy to
>negotiate a new order?

The court order does not give you any right to summer vacation, so absent a new court order, you can't be making plans to take the children on a trip anywhere.

However, if you believe you have leverage (not extortion) to stipulate to a better visitation schedule, then of course you should do it.

[socrateaser]

The first paragraph is good. The second implies that you have authority to stop her from obtaining a passport. If you have such authority, then the paragraph is ok, but if not, then you may as well delete it, because it just makes you appear controlling, and you will annoy your ex who will then make it even more difficult for you to see the child.

[NeverGiveUp]

1)We have joint legal custody.  If she gets the passport without my okay what can I do about it?  If I can stop her I may be able to use this as leverage (not extorsion) for better visitation.  If we can't beet them, and we can't, then maybe we can wear them down :-)

2) The only facts are an email from ex stating that she already made plans and purchased tickets and this IM from child today (IM minus all the rest of the hoopla and small talk :-).
Child(2:27:23 PM): heyy
me (2:27:29 PM): Hey bud
Child(2:27:34 PM): whatss upp
me (2:27:34 PM): Working, what about you
 Child(2:29:13 PM): nothyn goin to work thn goin to get my pass port
 me (2:30:27 PM): What's the passport for?
Child(2:30:36 PM): italy
me (2:30:39 PM): Oh?
Child(2:30:43 PM): yupppp
me (2:30:51 PM): When?
Child(2:31:02 PM): mm idk yet i think july
me (2:31:15 PM): Did your mom talk to you about it?
Child(2:31:26 PM): about what...
me (2:31:32 PM): Goign to Italy?
Child(2:31:52 PM): yeaa
Child(2:32:00 PM): we were goin to go in the summer
me (2:32:02 PM): I see
Child(2:32:06 PM): y..
me (2:32:27 PM): Wondering. When did you find out about it?
 Child(2:33:17 PM): we were talkin about it at nonnas
 Child(2:33:27 PM): y do you care
Child(2:33:36 PM): idk
me (2:33:40 PM): I have to tlk to your mom about it
Child(2:33:44 PM): ohh
Child(2:33:57 PM): okayy
Child(2:33:59 PM): then talk to her
me (2:34:05 PM): Okay
 
3) Extortion? Wasn't that what happened when I showed up in court? (rhetorical). What I was trying to say was that summer vacations are not part of the court order on either side.  What I'm afraid of is that she'll state willingness to allow me to take them this year.  Which leaves following years up for her mood, not a good bet on my end.  I'd rather use err a come to amicable terms.

PS
I've written my letters and thereby have earned my right to complain about the injustice. With respect to being a divorced father it's one of the few rights I have left.

[socrateaser]

>1)We have joint legal custody.  If she gets the passport
>without my okay what can I do about it?  If I can stop her I
>may be able to use this as leverage (not extorsion) for better
>visitation.  If we can't beet them, and we can't, then maybe
>we can wear them down :-)

If she gets the passport without your written consent, then she will have certified under penalty of purjury under the laws of the U.S.A that there is no other parent with a legal interest in the child. That would constitute a federal criminal fraud, so you could just call the local U.S. Attorney and file a complaint. Presumably she'd be charged with a felony.

But, she could get the passport, by purjuring herself, and defending against that possibility in advance is a practical impossibility.

>3) Extortion? Wasn't that what happened when I showed up in
>court? (rhetorical). What I was trying to say was that summer
>vacations are not part of the court order on either side.
>What I'm afraid of is that she'll state willingness to allow
>me to take them this year.  Which leaves following years up
>for her mood, not a good bet on my end.  I'd rather use err a
>come to amicable terms.

Well, if you get consent for one year, then you can use that as a substantial change in circumstances affecting the child's best interests to obtain a court order for a permanent change.

Hopefully, mother will soften as the years go on. I wouldn't bet on it...but it could happen.

[NeverGiveUp]

I found this blurb online.  It sounds as though I can stop a passport issue.  What I'm concerned about is a judge allowing it.  

1) Can a judge override my position of joint legal custody and allow a passport to be issued?
2) My ex has family in Europe.  I assume if she decides never to return that she is outside the reach of a local judge here.  Can a judge be held accountable if he allows this to hapen?


Entry of a child's name into the Children's Passport Issuance Alert Program does not necessarily mean that future passport services will be denied to that child. In order to deny a passport, the parent, legal guardian, or an officer of the court must provide our Office with a complete copy of a temporary or permanent court order that contains the judge's signature, the effective date, and provides for at least one of the following:

 · sole legal custody to the requesting parent; or  
 · joint legal custody to both parents (requires permission of both parents before passport issuance); or  
 · a restriction on the child's travel (requires superseding court order allowing travel; or permission of both parents before passport issuance). For more information about the Child Alert Passport

[DecentDad]

Hi,

I'm not clear how vacations are determined in your court orders.

Is it really as vague as you get "1 week's vacation per year" and your ex gets "2 week's vacation per year" without saying how/when the weeks will be picked?

If you're able to change your week, then how about suggesting to your ex that you'll agree to the passport (as long as she's following orders on what vacation she gets) if she agrees to your week... but get your week well before she gets the passports!

I know the "principle of the thing" feeling, but it's not as though you've had much luck with this judge to think he's going to have much sympathy for your position.

DD

[socrateaser]

>1) Can a judge override my position of joint legal custody and
>allow a passport to be issued?

Yes.

>2) My ex has family in Europe.  I assume if she decides never
>to return that she is outside the reach of a local judge here.
> Can a judge be held accountable if he allows this to hapen?

You would have to show that the judge exceeded his lawful authority. But, it is within the judge's discretion to allow the child to leave the country. If you convince the judge that there is a likelihood that the child will be held outside the country, then the judge will restrain the other parent from leaving.

I don't know the child' age, but if 14 and under, no passport will be issued without a court order or both parent's written consent.

[NeverGiveUp]

I wish it were that good.  There are no stipulations for any vacation time in my order.  I'm more than willing to discuss adding them, however my ex won't entertain such a notion.  She likes it this way because she can hold vacatins over my head everytime she's mad about something.  Which is like . . . . always!!