What to do..... what to do.

[kaylene99]

Hi soc,
Hope all is great on your end.  It's been a while but here I go again with some questions I hope you can help me with.

You may remember our situation: Hubby's ex-wife married a European guy.  They tried to relocate kids outside of the country.  We fought and judge ruled ex-wife can't take kids out of the country.  Went back to court a couple of times since then because ex-wife wants to "vacation" with the kids outside of the country.  Hubby practically offered for her to travel with one kid while the other stays with us.  She took her chance to court where hubby told judge of the same offer.  Judge agreed and ex-wife was able to travel with each kid on 2 separate occasions.  Currently, we have one kid's passport while she has the other's.

Fast forward to now.  Ex-wife informed hubby that kids' passports are up for renewal this year and she would like to know his plans for that (haha-- like we are planning to leave the country any time soon).   She quickly added that she would like to take BOTH kids to a few family vacations and we are, of course, assuming she meant OUTSIDE OF THE COUNTRY.

The thing is, this woman moved the kids numerous times away from us.  They currently live about 6 hours away and, regardless of how many times husband asked and practically begged for her to consider meeting halfway to facilitate more contact with the kids, she always refuse or ignore the situation.   Going back to court to modify order will only costs so much $$$ and we were hoping to work this out outside of court but, so far, we are out of luck......Hubby continues to shoulder 100% of transportation and we are making the best of what we can afford and do in that regard.

Hubby and I haven't fully discussed this latest update.  I think he is inclined to show good faith by allowing both kids to travel with ex-wife outside of the country but I think that's still a very dangerous ground.  For the sake of the kids, we do want a peaceful relationship with the ex-wife but I don't think that means giving in to her every demand.  I am instantly thinking of having them post a bond but I doubt that they have the $$$.  In lieu of that, is there anything else we can do to protect our relationship with the kids?  Can we even go as far as having her sign an agreement that she will return both of the kids at a specified date or child support is automatically terminated and custody is automatically reversed.  The biggest concern here is enforceability in the country she's going to.  I seriously doubt that these agreements will mean anything if they are not going to be recognized and enforced by the other country.

So, soc, what can you advise us to do at this point?  Ex-wife said she wants to open up the lines of communication regarding her request.  Funny how she's so willing to talk when she wants something and always manages to ignore/avoid the "meeting halfway" discussion but we will certainly bring that to the table again.

Thanks and looking forward to your wise advice as always.

[socrateaser]

Seems to me that the other parent's motives/conduct/position are the same, so I wouldn't change a thing.

If your DH is willing to let the other parent travel with both kids, based on nothing but blind trust and without retaining any leverage in the situation, then this indicates to me that your DH still has strong feelings for the other parent.

The only people who trust blindly are people who are in love -- that's why it's called "lovesick."

Happy Valentine's Day,

:)