What Now???

[amanda]

 A little background: SO and I are raising his 4 yo son from a previous relationship. Mother is in and out of his life and has been since he was a few months old. SO has kept records of her visits since son's birth.
 In January they went to court and SO was awarded full physical custody w/ BM having EOW. After court SO felt screwed because his own lawyer wrote up the final court order which SO had not agreed to and awarded BM extras ( EO holiday, 50/50 decision making, allowed to take son out of state) and because the judge wouldn't let him talk at all. SO's lawyer didn't show the judge any of SO records proving BM hadn't been around. SO got a new lawyer and went back to court yesterday.
 Judge wouldn't even talk to him. She only said go to mediation. The problem is we had mediation already and BM didn't show up. And huge waste of $300.
 We have taped conversations of her screaming and calling SO names in front of son. We have records of her not even seeing son for a 52 day stretch from april-june. Out of 9 holidays she had this year she showed up for two. She is never on time and doesn't show up a lot. She missed last weekend the weekend befoere court, didn't call or anything just didn't show up. Son doesn't have a relationship with her and hates having to go to her house. Isn't her popping in and out enough proof? How do we get the judge to look at our evidence?
My questions are what do we do now? SO feels like this judge is being really biased. We are thinking about taking our story to the local papers.
 Do you think a psych eval will help? What does this involve?
 Any advice for going to mediation?
 

[Peanutsdad]

This falls under,,, why on earth are you poking at a badger with a sharp stick??


The ex doesnt come around much,, enjoy it!


Going into court and trying to get her time reduced, is very likely to bite you in the ass. Quite simply, you are likely to appear petty in the judges eyes,, ESPECIALLY since he's already indicated that he doesnt want to hear it.


Psych evals: They wont order it only on her,, but on all three of you. If you are the requesting party, its VERY likely you'll be ordered to pony up for em all three. At the very least, it'll be for two.



Your SO HAS custody,, and his ex doesnt excercise all her visitation. Are you aware of how many here would call that a victory??

[sweetnsad]

I have to agree with Pnut here....your SO has custody and that's a big "hooray" for so many fathers here fighting for their rightful visitation!!  

:)

[amanda]

 I understand that. You asked why we are poking a stick, well...We have a 4 year old that is being put into a very stressful situation with a woman he doesn't know. What I said was she "hadn't" been around. Since court last time she has been coming around again. (she does miss weekends some still) The lady makes twice what we make and pays no child support. Why is that? She moves boyfriends in and out, and leaves son places, that's why we are poking. It's hard to know your child is in danger with a virtual stranger and there is nothing you can do about it and no one to listen to your side.
 I was just wanting a little info into mediation and the psych eval. (which I knew we would have to participate in too) I wasn't trying to poke a stick at you guys too :)
Thanks anyway.

[wendl]

Why isn't she paying cs, do you have a cs order, if not file one with the local cs enforcement agency in your town.

My ex would come in and out of our sons life, I finally got tired of it, filed contempt against him because he wanted to be in his life after little contact for 2yrs, our judge ordered supervised visitation to be supervised by my ex's mother or sister (whom he resides with whom I trust) the only reason I asked for supervised visitation was so that our son would feel comfortable (always say dads family) and so dad and him could get reunited.  Well hell that hasnt worked he still doesnt see his son, I am just gave up and son rarely sees him and I no longer try to push them together.

Its hard, be thankfully your dh has custody.

:)

[amanda]

 She's not paying cs because she told the judge she was in school (which was a lie) and the judge didn't even check up on it. The judge told her since she was in school, she could just buy him clothes and she never did that. She's walking around with a louie vuiton purse and we're scraping together to buy his school clothes. It's so sad the way some people do their kids.
 We want supervised visitation, for sons safety and haven't gotten it.

[wendl]

Well thats just wrong, my dh was in school and still had to pay cs.
I personally would open a case with the support office in your area, she can work.

Just because she is in school does not exempt her from paying child support, I would file a complaint on that judge.

Also if judge said she was to buy clothes, file contempt then and ask for her to show receipts of clothing purchased. what a bunch of crap.

My ex chooses not to work and they imputed his income for what a man of his age would make on the average.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[kynana]

What is it with mothers these days. I am the legal guardian of my great nephew, he will be 2 in a couple months. Last year (2003) his mother came around a total of 864 hours.  If you figure that a child is awake 12 hours a day that is only 72 days out of 365. She started running when he was just 2 weeks old. She has been at one holiday and that was his first birthday, she was here about 2 hours. This year she hasn't even seen him but 30 minutes, she went to jail the end of last year for drugs, got out 5 weeks ago and hasn't even called to check on him.  People like this shouldn't be allowed to have children.

 

[janM]

Go to //www.grandsplace.com.
This is place for grandparents or others who are raising grandchildren or relatives. Your story sounds like many of those there and their "bios".
Real nice people. There is a nightly chat too.

Kudos to you.

[amanda]

 That's just my point about CS! SHE ISN'T EVEN IN SCHOOL! She lied, she works. We have proof. We have her on tape saying she has to go to work. SO's cousin works with her! This stupid judge just won't listen! She doesn't want to make her pay cs! I am so angry at all this....it's blatant discrimination.


 There seems to be a new trend of these women that can abandon their children. I know lots of men who are raising their kids. I just can't understand how anyone could just leave their babies, then there's judges just giving them chance after chance to be a parent and most never will......