Summer with SD...

[Miller]

DH has 6 consecutive weeks with SD each summer. He is required to let BM know the dates for those 6 weeks by April 1 each year. During those 6 weeks, the visitation schedule reverses so that SD is with BM on the days/times that she is with us the rest of the year. Also, during those 6 weeks, DH gets one week where SD does not go to BM's so that we can take a vacation. During the remainder of the summer, the schedule is the same as it is during the school year except for one week when we don't see SD since it is BM's vacation week.

Since my job is only 11 months and I'm home for a month each summer, DH always takes his 6 weeks with SD so that they overlap with my time off. This makes it so that I am home with SD for at least 4 of the weeks she is with us. Also, the kids and I are able to do more since I'm not working. This usually consists of day trips to waterparks, museums, etc. and we like that SD is able to be with us for these trips.

Needless to say, BM has a BIG problem with the fact that SD gets 4 weeks at home with me each summer. It irritates her to no end! In the last couple years, she has started raising the issue that we always take the same weeks each summer (beginning of July through mid-August) and this makes it so she can't take her vacation during that time. She has told DH that she feels she should be able to choose her vacation week whenever she wants and if it is during his 6 weeks then he can either start his weeks one week earlier or add a week onto the end. DH has asked her if there is a trip she wants to take that can only occur during his 6 weeks and her answer was that she isn't planning a trip but would just like to be home with SD. Note: in the 8 years that I've been with DH, BM has only taken SD one place during her vacation week...this was a one night trip to an amusement park. BM's summer vacation week has always consisted of them just staying home. And, now BM feels that she should be able to interrupt our summer weeks so she can sit at home with SD. SD plays summer ball and it is during the first part of the summer. BM has said that she is unable to just sit at home during her vacation week with SD because SD has ball practice and games. SD has missed practices and games in the past due to family plans, so it's not that these can't be missed if PB would choose to take an actual vacation.

SD is starting high school next year and will now have commitments this summer for her school activities. She will have commitments with band in July and August (a full week of band camp in August that will be during our 6 weeks) and she will also have commitments in July for volleyball. The band commitments are mandatory...if she misses band camp then it will count against her when school starts. Same for volleyball...if she misses the practices/etc. this summer then it will effect her playing time this Fall. DH has tried pointing these out to BM but she can't seem to understand it.

BM has threatened to file papers against DH with the court asking that she get to choose her vacation week whenever she wants even if it is during his 6 weeks. We do not agree with this request and will fight it if we have to.

Are we wrong? Is it wrong to believe that it makes more sense for us to have SD with us when one of us is able to be home with her? Why should we let PB take a week when I am home in the summer and then this would mean that we get a different week with SD when she would be at our house by herself? DH gets 6 consecutive weeks with SD each year...BM gets the other 46. Every other week...DH goes a week without seeing SD so, technically, BM could take a vacation at that time too.

BM insists that me being home during those weeks in the summer should not matter because it's "DH's time" and not my time with SD. She feels that since I am only a stepparent then my schedule and availability should not be a factor on the summer weeks that DH chooses.

Any thoughts on what a court would have to say about this? Does BM have a chance in getting her way on this one?

[socrateaser]

If "PB" means what I think it means, then you're violating the board rules and I won't respond until you edit your post and remove the demeaning references to the other parent.

Thanks in advance for your cooperation.

[Miller]

Sorry...I didn't mean any nastiness by using that abbreviation.  Another board that I post on (also on this website) uses that abbreviation all the time.

[socrateaser]

Your post appears to me to continue to have the "PB" designation. Please check it again.

My experience is that boards that permit the denegration of opponents usually degenerate into flame wars.

Also, and more importantly, if you "think" of the other party as a "PB", then your thinking may spread into your actions. Generally, both sides have a story to tell, and somewhere in between lies the truth. I want to find that truth before the judge does and surprises anyone.

The only time that such a nomenclature as "PB" is appropriate, is when you can actually prove with credible evidence that the other party is (1) Psychotic, and (2) a Bitch.

[Miller]

I think I got them all this time.  Don't know how I missed those.  :)

I understand what you are saying that by using a negative term, then that can influence a person's way of looking at the situation.

Sadly, I probably could prove with credible evidence that the negative term is, in fact, appropriate in this case but that's not the issue at hand nor is it a good use of time for anyone.  :)

[socrateaser]

>Any thoughts on what a court would have to say about this?

It's really all about what the exact terms of the court order re custody/parenting say. However, I cannot conceive of a court order that would intentionally grant you 6 weeks, and then let the other parent take back one week on a whim. So, even without reading your orders, I think you're on pretty firm ground.

However, I think you need to try to communicate that you would like to deal with these issues as amicably as possible, but that if she cannot find any middle ground, then she is within her rights to ask a court to resolve any questions (rather than just saying S!@# Off!).

>Does BM have a chance in getting her way on this one?

Highly doubtful.

[Miller]

DH has told her that if there is a situation where a trip must occur during his summer weeks (i.e., a family gathering in another state, etc.) then he is willing to work with her to accommodate this, but that he's not willing to just give her the right to delegate his summer weeks every year.  BM has responded that she does not have any specific plans but just intends to spend the week at home doing nothing.

Would his offer that he will work with her in the event of an unavoidable trip during those weeks be considered as trying to deal with this amicably?

[Miller]

DH shall have 6 consecutive weeks with SD in the summer.  DH shall give BM written notice of his 6 weeks as soon as possible but not later than April 1.  DH shall have one week of uninterrupted time with SD during his 6 weeks.  He will notify BM in writing of that one-week period no later than 14 days before it occurs.  BM shall have one week of uninterrupted time with SD during the remainder of summer break.  BM will notify DH in writing of her one-week period no later than 14 days before it occurs.

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The court ordered that the weeks must be consecutive.  Is there a reason that the court would do this?  Since BM is trying to split the weeks up (and DH is against it) then we're trying to determine if it's the "norm" to have the weeks ordered consecutively.

[socrateaser]

If "PB" means what I think it means, then you're violating the board rules and I won't respond until you edit your post and remove the demeaning references to the other parent.

Thanks in advance for your cooperation.

[Miller]

Sorry...I didn't mean any nastiness by using that abbreviation.  Another board that I post on (also on this website) uses that abbreviation all the time.