Update

[stepmomandmom]

I've brought my situation before you before.  My husband and I were assigned a parenting coordinator to handle our case.  After the last session between my husband and his ex, everything was supposedly finished and she was supposed to write her report.  As it turned out, BM was not too happy about this situation and has given us hell ever since.  She has imposed ridiculous rules on our visitation (like no visit occurring later than 5pm and no going anywhere without her approval.)  So we decided since the parenting coordinator finished, we should go to court and request joint custody.  

We contacted our lawyer and he asked us to have th parenting coordinator contact him first so that he could confirm there is nothing else she can do.  We let her know and the next week, when we called our lawyer, he advised us that the parenting coordinator told him not to file anything because she thinks she can get us to work together.  

She also said that she thinks the problem is between BM and me and that she wants to have us have a session together.  My questions are as follows:

1.  Can the parenting coordinator tell our lawyer not to file anything?  

2.  How am I related to this situation.  I've heard people use the terminology time and time again that a stepparent is a legal stranger.  What does BM and I having a discussion have to do with the father's rights to see his daughter?

3.  Finally, the parenting coordinator mentioned that most likely, BM and I should have as little contact as possible.  I am fearful that this will result in my husband having less time with his daughter and I don't believe that is fair.  I didn't think that I really had a right to interfere in this situation (and so far, I haven't.)  But if my husband having a relationship with his daughter is going to hinge on what I do, do we have any recourse if the parenting coordinator decides to limit our time because BM doesn't like me?

[socrateaser]

>1.  Can the parenting coordinator tell our lawyer not to file
>anything?  

Sure, and you can tell your lawyer that you are no longer interested in mediating this matter and that you want the court to resolve the issue as soon as possible. And, if your attorney refuses to act, then you tell your attorney, "I realize that you are the expert as to matters of law, however, I believe that I am more expert as to the behavior of the other parent, and I want you to bypass the parenting coordinator. I realize that there may be risks involved in taking this approach, however if you refuse this course of action, then I want my retainer back immediately so that I can find alternative representation."

>
>2.  How am I related to this situation.  I've heard people use
>the terminology time and time again that a stepparent is a
>legal stranger.  What does BM and I having a discussion have
>to do with the father's rights to see his daughter?

Depends on the specific facts and circumstances of the discussion. I can't answer without the actual events that took place -- or those that you expect will take place.

>3.  Finally, the parenting coordinator mentioned that most
>likely, BM and I should have as little contact as possible.  I
>am fearful that this will result in my husband having less
>time with his daughter and I don't believe that is fair.  I
>didn't think that I really had a right to interfere in this
>situation (and so far, I haven't.)  But if my husband having a
>relationship with his daughter is going to hinge on what I do,
>do we have any recourse if the parenting coordinator decides
>to limit our time because BM doesn't like me?

The parenting coordinator wants to MAKE MONEY.  So does the attorney. Stalling in the legal business is a great way to increase the cost of litigation. So, if you KNOW that the other parent is stalling/frustrating access/etc., then mediation is a waste of resources.

[stepmomandmom]

Thank you for at least validating what we have been saying.  That is, that BM is doing everything to stall.  And that's what this is really about.  She wants us to go through a charade of having this restricted visitation schedule for another 20 weeks (even though we've been doing this since October) before we get standard visitation.  Is 11 months a reasonable timeframe to have such a restricted schedule?  My husband was only out of his daughter's life for one year (and only because BM wouldn't allow him to be.)?  To me, it is way too restrictive.