Lost on 3 of 4 issues today - thoughts?

[DecentDad]

Soc,

Her attorney argued 10% merit and 90% defamation about me.  She's been on the case 6 weeks, refused to communicate with me at all to resolve issues.  She told the judge I'm harassing, bullying, worst person she's had to deal with in 30 years, control-freak, and a bunch of other stuff... just unfounded rhetoric.  I'm sick of it.

She gave the example that my demand for phone access between 5pm and 7pm perfectly exemplifies my controlling nature.

I defended myself, saying all of it was untrue, court can review the evidence as to my on-going attempts to reasonably settle matters with Petitioner and her attorney, advising the court that no evidence they submitted shows it, the custody evaluator didn't agree with that characterization, and it's all irrelevant anyway.

I primarily outlined the constant problems with interpreting summer vacation, Friday exchanges (i.e., pick up at school, else 5pm if no school), and not being able to reach my daughter by phone.

I emphasized that we just need tighter language so both parents are clear on how to follow them.

I told the court that if it found my language unreasonable, to use discretion to clarify orders so that both parties clearly understand what we're supposed to do.... because it's not good for anyone to have this much chaos and conflict.

A) On school selection, judge said that he doesn't pick schools, he picks parents to pick schools.  He picked mother, specifying that if she picks a private school, she's responsible for costs and it must be within 10 miles of my residence.  Crap, but oh well.  It's done.

B)  On his own motion, Judge ordered us to go through Parenting Without Conflict.  Biomom is the source of conflict, even as identified largely by the evaluator.  Two co-parenting therapists couldn't help us.  But more hoops.  Whatever, I'll do it.

C) Summer vacation clarification was granted per my request, with one caveat.  Good.  At least that's done, locked airtight now.

D) On Friday exchanges and phone access.   Judge said that we'll never stop fighting no matter what he orders, and he's not going to hear anything more and will dismiss those.  His speculation is unfounded and arguably incorrect-- as ALL the other parts of the judgment that are TIGHT and CLEAR have resulted in COMPLETE elimination of ANY conflict on those issues (i.e., remove all wiggle-room, and we seem to have peace... arguably best for our daughter).  But, I didn't think to mention all that before the court today.

E) Also, on April 29 when court dismissed contempt over a Friday exchange, the judge stated on record and with no uncertainty that we "need to clean up the language"  on Friday exchanges because it's causing problems.  So I move to do that, and he dismisses it.  WTF?  I didn't think to mention this today, but it dawned on me later.

After his ruling, I still tried to ask how to proceed when we interpret orders differently.  He didn't want to hear anything more.  Said I can appeal, but that's his ruling.

On the request to clarify orders, I'm still so frustrated.  All biomom's attorneys do EVERY TIME is use inflammatory rhetoric and adjectives, with no evidence, and it's enough to convince the judge that both sides are causing problems when I'm just trying to follow orders (else get them so tight as to limit room for conflict).  Of all the allegations in past 4 years, not a single one has been about me attempting to defy orders (which is my primary complaint about biomom).

1.  I clearly outlined the on-going problems (many months now) in my pleadings.  On Friday exchanges and phone access.... what the hell am I supposed to do now?  Live with the on-going problems and accept that the court thinks it's best for this conflict and chaos to continue due to parties interpreting the orders differently?!

2.  Why the heck is the judge saying on April 29 (on record) that orders on Friday exchanges need to be cleaned up, but then a month later, he dismisses my OSC to clarify language on Friday exchanges (and a couple other issues)?  How am I to proceed when judge suggests one thing and 4 weeks later rejects my attempt to get orders based upon his suggestion?!

DD

[socrateaser]

>1.  I clearly outlined the on-going problems (many months now)
>in my pleadings.  On Friday exchanges and phone access....
>what the hell am I supposed to do now?  Live with the on-going
>problems and accept that the court thinks it's best for this
>conflict and chaos to continue due to parties interpreting the
>orders differently?!

You must know by now that CA judges in busy jurisdictions do NOT read pleadings. They just wing it. The pleadings are there for the possibility of an appeal, and the judge usually hopes that he'll be able to haul the two attorneys into chambers and find out what's up, without reading anything. But, since your not an attorney, he can't do that, so he's forced to listen to the show -- and, as you just found out, he was more interested in changing the channel as fast as possible.


The judge is tired of dealing with both of you, so he's gonna try to force you to take a parenting class and then try to work things out. This is his way of recognizing that even if he makes more precise orders, that you will both find a new way to start a fight. He wants to try to end the fighting, or at least make it so peripherally annoying to you by ordering the parenting class, that you will be stop fighting because you don't want to sit through another stupid class.

The judge also didn't choose you re the school school, but he did tell the other parent that if she wants to spend her money on private school, that it's on her dime. That is a net win for you.



Now, the real question is: who paid the most in attorney fees? Believe me, eventually your ex is gonna start smarting from having to shell out thousand dollar bills, and then she'll either snap completely, or start behaving.

Advice: take the parenting class, and keep logging the disputes. Then, if mother doesn't shape up, file a new motion to clarify, and let her spend a little more money.

[DecentDad]

True, I didn't have any attorney fees.  Neither did mother.  She has no money, just perpetually begs for handouts from friends and family.  No sense of personal responsibility, so she doesn't care.

In attempt to proactively stop allegations of neglect and bad parenting, I've already taken a 30 hour parenting class, reputed to be the best in the area.  But, doesn't matter, I gotta take another one.  Whatever.  It's just time.

BTW, my case for my school selection was SO clear based on evidence (i.e., upon your prior advice to lay out why it's the best school) vs mom's declared "feelings".  But judge didn't want to pick a school.  He basically picked the parent with majority timeshare to make the decision.

1.  So... it's your guess that if I do a motion to reconsider, if I point out per court transcript what the judge said a month prior about need to clarify Friday orders, if I point out that tight language SOLVES conflict (per how parts of the judgment that's tight ended previous conflicts)... you think judge is gonna find a way to smack me harder?

2.  This is biomom's sixth attorney, and the worst yet in sleaze.  I can handle aggressive attorneys whose tactics are based at least somewhat in reality... let the better argument win.  Just in terms of personal growth for myself, since you've seen more acrimony than me, and from some of your posts, I think you're some years older than me.... how do you detach from feeling so offended when you're up against an utter slimeball attorney whose primary tactics are outright fabrication, unquestionable defamation (i.e., which only I know is defamation), and creating such confusion and distortion that the merits get lost?  I mean, slander and defamation are actionable everywhere except in a court of law?

I know that last question is mixed with narrative.  My biggest frustration here is that conflict-ridden people seek to avoid accountability and constraint, and so they always win when the status quo is maintained.

DD

[socrateaser]

>1.  So... it's your guess that if I do a motion to reconsider,
>if I point out per court transcript what the judge said a
>month prior about need to clarify Friday orders, if I point
>out that tight language SOLVES conflict (per how parts of the
>judgment that's tight ended previous conflicts)... you think
>judge is gonna find a way to smack me harder?

I think that if you do the motion to reconsider, the judge will just bounce you and say, "Go take the class and don't bother me." Don't piss him off. Take the class, then log some more baloney from the ex, THEN go back and file a new motion and make her spend some more dough. Eventually her daddy and mommy are gonna say, "Enough! Pay for it yasef!"

>2. how do you detach from feeling so offended when you're up against an utter slimeball attorney whose primary tactics are outright
>fabrication, unquestionable defamation (i.e., which only I
>know is defamation), and creating such confusion and
>distortion that the merits get lost?

You just smile and say, "Your honor, opposing counsel's opinions are all very interesting, but I wonder if we could move on to the material issues before the court?"