Meet half way or receiving parent picks up

[crayiii]

I am working with my wife's attorney today on temp/perm parenting plan issues and right now the sticker is transportation.

My wife moved 550 miles away and I am requesting receiving parent picks up and she wants to meet half way.

This might sound trite but if I agree to meet half way, I am pretty much locked into driving.  If it's receiving parent picks up, we can each decide the mode of transportation.

The attorney told me that he is VERY confident that any judge would order meeting half way instead of receiving parent picks up.

What are your thoughts?


AS I WAS TYPING THIS MY SON CALLED!!!!!  He told me he has missed me and he wants me to come get him "RIGHT NOW" so he can stay the night with me!!!!!

[DecentDad]

I've had experience with "meet at public location", though never at a long-distance halfway point like you're considering.  Even though my public location was only a few miles from mother's residence, I still faced frequent problems with X being late to bring child (ranging from 5 minutes to an hour hour), always with some reason or another.

I now have "receiving parent picks up" orders.  My situation has enough parental conflict that I was also able to get orders stating no communication between parties and parties will allow child to walk from one to another (i.e., literally the orders specify that receiving parent stays on public sidewalk, and releasing parent stays inside the home).

It's much better now... haven't had a volatile exchange in more than a year.

Further with such arrangement, the receiving parent always has the incentive to be on time (to get the kid), and the releasing parent never even has to drive-- so no excuse for lateness at an exchange.

In terms of a best interest argument, a one-shot transport each way (not changing cars nor parents halfway) means less disruption for the child during each trip and opens up possibility of faster travel (i.e., flying) for child if a receiving parent so chooses.

DD

[socrateaser]

>What are your thoughts?

I think that your wife is asking for half way because she has a new relationship and she doesn't want you around. There are a few different possible reasons for this, some of them fairly sinister, but the reasons don't matter. What matters is, that under the circumstances, this point is not worth a fight. Concede the point, and try to get something else for yourself in return.

>AS I WAS TYPING THIS MY SON CALLED!!!!!  He told me he has
>missed me and he wants me to come get him "RIGHT NOW" so he
>can stay the night with me!!!!!

Mazeltov. Just be a happy dad when you're with him and he'll want to come live with you soon enough.

[socrateaser]

Everything you say makes sense in your circumstances, but crayiii's wife has a new lover and she likely doesn't want crayiii around because the new bf may discover that the reason why his new gf isn't staying with crayiii, is because she is the real troublemaker -- not crayiii. So, under the circumstances, I think it's better to just stay away from the situtation, entirely.

I doubt that the half way thing will last anyway, because half way between Spokane and Portland is, well, you run mapquest and check it out -- it's basically the middle of nowhere, and it's probably in the Columbia Gorge, which during about 1/3 of the year, is frozen and windy and neither party will want to meet there -- i.e., assuming that they can even get there!

[crayiii]

Okay, so say I agree to the half way pickup which is where 97 and I84 cross (right in the middle of the gorge), should I request that these be temp orders until we see how it works out?

Her attorney is insisting that I agree to perm orders and "get this whole thing over now".  I suggested that I would want to see her with a successful track record following orders before I agreed to anything perm.

He said I can always modify perm orders if they don't work.  I think he just wants off the case.

Are temp orders easier to change since they are part of an ongoing case?  

I really have very little confidence that my wife will follow the orders very well and my thought is if it's temp orders that she isn't following it will be easier for me to change.

[socrateaser]

Stipulate to in The Dalles. The attorney should know that it's not in the child's best interests to have a meeting point without some decent food gas and lodging available for an emergency.

Ask him to add some wording that says to the effect of, "Parties shall meet in The Dalles, or at an alternative location as agreed-to in writing and in advance by the Parties."

I agree with the attorney. You can always modify the orders, however, you want them to be definite and certain enough so that you can hold your spouse in contempt for failing to follow them.

[crayiii]

Okay, Soc but here are my reasons for receiving parent picking up...

Weather in the Gorge can be a nightmare, I have been stuck there for 2-days because of the weather.  It isn't safe.

If there are car/travel issues, both parties are not stuck in the car waiting.  This means that if the receiving parent has transportation (flat, speeding ticket, gas money) issues, the child waits at home instead of the car.

There is no airport in The Dalles (that I know of).

If one of us wants to fly, take the train, take the bus, etc., we are free to do that.

No need to transfer our son and his belongings in the middle of no where.  It will be more confortable for him, especially if he's sleeping.

If I pick him up in Spokane I could time it so I could be involved in Friday school activities.

My wife has shown she is willing to interfere with my custodian rights, I feel it is better to allow each of us to take care of our own transportation to avoid going back to court again.

[DecentDad]

I hear ya.  But for all the reasons crayii is pointing out, he still thinks receiving parent works best.

To resolve the concerns you believe mother has, they can otherwise just agree that the receiving parent will pick up the child at the Starbucks (or some other public business open long hours every day) closest to the releasing parent's residence.

So, they'll get a 1+ mile buffer from seeing each other's residence (and each party can conceal whatever they want), but crayii's valid concerns are also resolved.

And meeting at Starbucks ensures witnesses will always be at an exchange... so no false allegations about exchanges.

DD

[crayiii]

Her attorney sent me his settlement offer.  It was one weekend per month with no extended summer, etc.  He called later and told me to take it or leave it dude.

[InTheMiddle]

What state are you in?

I think each state has it's own interpertations of transportating children.  Look them up on the net.

In AZ, it is based on % of income, just like uninsured medical expenses.

On a personal note, I have done the "meet half way" with DH's X.  She is very manipulative and it makes the 6 hour drive back completely miserable for all.  

I find if the kids have some "down time" in their room watching tv, calling their friends, ect... right after the exchange, it make the de-programming much simplier.  Meeting half way postpones this for 6 hours and adds extra stress to the kids.  

It's like they've heard all kinds of negative propaganda from their mom for the first 6 hours, then they need to be confined in a car with the people they have just been brain washed about.  I compare it to watching a tiger who used to be free, all of a sudden be caged.  

I don't think meeeting half way with a mom like my stepkids have is not psychologically good for them.  You need to make up your own mind and not let her lawyer do anything detremental to your children.  Personally, I have found tht most of the time the lawyers (on both sides)are just bluffing and hope that your ignorance of the law will make you agree to losing some of your rights.