inter-state divorce

[jimfred]

Hello Socrateaser,

My ex-wife and two sons (aged 15 and 12) live in Massachusetts, I live in Colorado.  I moved here 4 years ago to take a position with HP after getting laid off in Boston.  I have remarried, and had 2 more children since my divorce 7 years ago.  My two younger sons are 2 1/2 and 9 months.

At the time of our divorce, I agreed not to sue for 1/2 my ex's business.  I walked away from a substantial amount, perhaps several hundred thousand dollars.  In return, I was given a smaller-than-average child support payment of $400.  Our agreement stipulated that I cover the kid's medical insurance, as long as it was cheaper that I do so rather than my ex.

Shortly after I moved to Colorado I agreed, verbally, to increase my payments by $100/month as my ex wanted to put the boys on her own insurance plan, for the sake of her convenience.  (She may not realize it, but I have always kept the kids insured on my family plan despite paying her the extra $100/month.)

My ex has, since I moved to Colorado, made it difficult to see the boys.  She refuses to let them fly to Colorado with me,  thus necesitating that I rent resorts and transportation twice a year during my (2) 1-week vacations to see them.  This is getting to be financially very difficult for me, yet I have traveled to see them every vacation I have had, in the past 4 years.

She has been sending them to private schools and prep schools all along.  I certainly  had no problem with this, as she was footing the bill for this decision.  (She is doing very well for herself - I would guess she is grossing over $200K/year.)

I recently received a letter from her attorney demanding $70,000 from me.  This being the cost of health insurance for the last 4 years, coupled with 50% of the boy's private schooling since the divorce.

I believe in a fair world this would be, and will be, shot down rather quickly.  I am of the opinion that this is a good opportunity to get the custodial arrangement changed to something more  since it appears that I am going to be in the probate court soon in any case.

What advice would you give me in this situation?  The fact is that I do not have nearly the financial resources, nor the professional contacts in Boston, that she has.  She has retained a prominent firm in Boston.  I have a friend in Boston who practices family law in Boston who is assisting me, at reduced rates.  


Thank you for your time.

[socrateaser]

>Hello Socrateaser,
>
>My ex-wife and two sons (aged 15 and 12) live in
>Massachusetts, I live in Colorado.  I moved here 4 years ago
>to take a position with HP after getting laid off in Boston.
>I have remarried, and had 2 more children since my divorce 7
>years ago.  My two younger sons are 2 1/2 and 9 months.
>
>At the time of our divorce, I agreed not to sue for 1/2 my
>ex's business.  I walked away from a substantial amount,
>perhaps several hundred thousand dollars.  In return, I was
>given a smaller-than-average child support payment of $400.
>Our agreement stipulated that I cover the kid's medical
>insurance, as long as it was cheaper that I do so rather than
>my ex.
>
>Shortly after I moved to Colorado I agreed, verbally, to
>increase my payments by $100/month as my ex wanted to put the
>boys on her own insurance plan, for the sake of her
>convenience.  (She may not realize it, but I have always kept
>the kids insured on my family plan despite paying her the
>extra $100/month.)
>
>My ex has, since I moved to Colorado, made it difficult to see
>the boys.  She refuses to let them fly to Colorado with me,
>thus necesitating that I rent resorts and transportation twice
>a year during my (2) 1-week vacations to see them.  This is
>getting to be financially very difficult for me, yet I have
>traveled to see them every vacation I have had, in the past 4
>years.
>
>She has been sending them to private schools and prep schools
>all along.  I certainly  had no problem with this, as she was
>footing the bill for this decision.  (She is doing very well
>for herself - I would guess she is grossing over $200K/year.)
>
>I recently received a letter from her attorney demanding
>$70,000 from me.  This being the cost of health insurance for
>the last 4 years, coupled with 50% of the boy's private
>schooling since the divorce.
>
>I believe in a fair world this would be, and will be, shot
>down rather quickly.  I am of the opinion that this is a good
>opportunity to get the custodial arrangement changed to
>something more  since it appears that I am going to be in the
>probate court soon in any case.
>
>What advice would you give me in this situation?  

Unless you stipulated in the divorce judgment to pay for private schooling, then you cannot be ordered to pay for it -- public school is all that any child is entitled to, unless the child has some special need that cannot reasonably be accomodated in public school (e.g., autism, etc.).

Re insurance and support, your existing support order says precisely what you are obligated to provide financially -- no more and no less.

Why does the attorney say you should pay $70K? What's the rest of the story?

[jimfred]

The 70K is broken down roughly 50/50 between private schooling (the oldest is attending Boston Latin, the younger a catholic elementary school) and health insurance.

The support order states that any educational expense we both agree to, that we would divide the cost in a manner that we both agree to.  In fact, I was never even consulted on these things, let alone agreed to them.  (However, the boys were attending private catholic  school before we divorced.  She might argue that this set some precedent ??)

As for insurance, the support order states that I should insure the boys as long as it is less costly for me to do so than her.  When I moved to Colorado my ex was frustrated with the annoyance of getting claims filled via my HP health plan, and offered to put them on her company plan (it's her company), and asked me to pony up an extra $100/month.

I agreed to that and have paid the extra $100 ever since.  However I kept the boys on my health plan just in case there was ever any dispute on this point - I'm glad I did now.

I also agreed (verbally) to pay 50% of any uncovered health expenses, and have paid about $3,000 in the last 2-3 years for things like braces, etc.

I understand she had some sort of financial crisis recently - she had to take out a $170K loan about 6 months ago according to her sister.   Also, she was furious when I took a job in Colorado - she felt I was abandoning the boys.  Between her festering resentment on this point coupled with a liquidity crisis, I think she got an idea to squeeze me.

In my gut I believe that she will lose on both these points, unless she is counting on some inside connection in the courtroom, which she and/or her law firm might have.

I am wondering if it is appropriate (and wise) to turn the hearing into a custody battle or not, since our original custodial arrangements  have obviously not worked out, since I moved.

I appreciate your feedback - thank you.

[socrateaser]

>The 70K is broken down roughly 50/50 between private
>schooling (the oldest is attending Boston Latin, the younger a
>catholic elementary school) and health insurance.
>
>The support order states that any educational expense we both
>agree to, that we would divide the cost in a manner that we
>both agree to.  In fact, I was never even consulted on these
>things, let alone agreed to them.  (However, the boys were
>attending private catholic  school before we divorced.  She
>might argue that this set some precedent ??)

I don't know MA case law, so it's certainly possible that there is some precedent in this area -- MA being an extremely socialist leaning jurisdiction, and highly education oriented, it wouldn't surprise me that you may have unknowingly obligated yourself to pay for private school.

Way out West, unless it's in writing and agreed-to in the judgment, and ordered by the court, public school is all you get.

>
>As for insurance, the support order states that I should
>insure the boys as long as it is less costly for me to do so
>than her.  When I moved to Colorado my ex was frustrated with
>the annoyance of getting claims filled via my HP health plan,
>and offered to put them on her company plan (it's her
>company), and asked me to pony up an extra $100/month.
>
>I agreed to that and have paid the extra $100 ever since.
>However I kept the boys on my health plan just in case there
>was ever any dispute on this point - I'm glad I did now.
>
>I also agreed (verbally) to pay 50% of any uncovered health
>expenses, and have paid about $3,000 in the last 2-3 years for
>things like braces, etc.

I see no problem here. Once again, it's all about what you were ordered to do by the court, and if you aren't ordered to pay more than your 50% share, then you have no obligation to do so. And, frankly, for future reference, if you pay more than you're ordered to pay, then you are a fool, because no one will ever thank you for it -- instead, as you are now about to find out, they will try to use it against you.

Pay exactly what you're ordered to pay -- no more, and no less.

>
>I understand she had some sort of financial crisis recently -
>she had to take out a $170K loan about 6 months ago according
>to her sister.   Also, she was furious when I took a job in
>Colorado - she felt I was abandoning the boys.  Between her
>festering resentment on this point coupled with a liquidity
>crisis, I think she got an idea to squeeze me.

That's nice. There may be a spousal support issue. I don't know if MA law permits a divorced person to return to court and ask for support after final judgment. In some States, even in the West, this is a possibility.

>
>In my gut I believe that she will lose on both these points,
>unless she is counting on some inside connection in the
>courtroom, which she and/or her law firm might have.

Rule #2 in family law. NEVER depend on your gut. Family court judges bend over backwards to twist the law to make you do things that would be laughed out of any other courtroom.

>I am wondering if it is appropriate (and wise) to turn the
>hearing into a custody battle or not, since our original
>custodial arrangements  have obviously not worked out, since I
>moved.

Waste of time. You moved away, so you'll lose, unless you can prove that your ex is a terrorist plotting to overthrow the U.S. All you can do is ask that the court modify your parenting time in order to consider the practical reality of your current relationship. Even then, you'll probably lose the argument.