Long Post, Camden Cty strategy query w/history

[dadwho]

Hello,

This is my first post, and as many newbies, I'm looking for
help.  This is cross-posted on this board -- another poster suggested Socrateaser.  

Here are some basic facts:

1.  Divorced 11/04 in Middlesex County Mass.
2.  Ex was granted all custody and removal rights despite
seasoned clinician as GAL recommending categorically against
it and -- unusual for him -- citing intense alienation (no he
didn't say syndrome, I don't even want to go there guys) and
enmeshment (my ex).
3.  3 days after judgment rec'd they moved to MD; Judge's
*written* rationale -- ex will engage in alienation anyway, so
she may as well move (I kid you not).
4.  Non-resident visitation granted in Mass by Judge Dorothy
Gibson was some vacation (one week summer first year) and
some holiday/school vacation, one weekend every 5 weeks or
so, 2 calls per week.  Thanks, have a nice day.  Over max
possible support.  Hey, of course.
5.  Sought visitation increase 10/04, ex dodged service in MD for 6
weeks bringing her to 6 months 1 day residency in MD, new
judge, Keamy, saw no problem with that at all -- granted MD
jurisdiction (case law?  Who needs it)
6.  Got sick of not seeing my 10-year-old girl, moved to MD
1/05; refiled to adopt foreign judgment in MD, intending to then modify for more visitation
7.  Ex moved 2/05 to Jersey, wouldn't say to where until
done; pulled adoption of foreign jugment in MD, moved for
hearing in Mass until new location determined.
8.  I moved to Philly 3/05, about a month after my ex moved
to So. Jersey; pulled motion in Mass and entered negotiations
with ex and new hubbie.
9.  Been seeing daughter one weekend per month, one evening
three hours per week (more or less) and 2 calls per week
10.  Instigated counseling sessions for daughter during
divorce in Mass, attended those ones appropriate while in Mass.
11.  Daughter continued counseling driven loosely by ex in MD
and then in Jersey, still only about 1/month avg.
12.  I have asked ex for proposal for add'l visitation,
hoping to work things out as fait accompli to avoid
litigation (and another roll of the family court dice in
Camden County this time).

Now, ex and new hubbie say I can't see daughter more than one
weekend/month (cite Mass judgment but old Mass judgment clearly no longer having jurisdiction, in fact two jurisdictions old), and that
"because our relationship has deteriorated lately"
(corresponding to their most recent proposal, gee), I shall
only see my daughter during the week for counseling sessions and one weekend per month +/-.

BTW, I loved my attorney in Mass, but we're not there, I
can't afford any more lawyers, and besides I got my butt
kicked to the Berkshires.  So, I'm definitely pro se.  I have
lots of admin skills and am polite and persistent.

Before you even ask, support payments dropped while I was
unemployed as of 1/05 having screwed myself by moving twice
in six months to see my girl.  But this fact was reflected in
two separate jurisdictional filings as I chased my daughter
from Mass to MD and now to Jersey.  It was set by Gibson as
$240/week on $780 net.  I'm now paying $200/week on $760 net
and figure that's in the ballpark.

No felonies, misdemeanors, or arrests for anything ever.  One
moving violation in 25 years (I just hung up with my
daughter).  One restraining order filed in separate
jurisdiction by separate attorney in Mass (her divorce
attorney couldn't stand by her on it  -- the affidavit was
utterly absurd and clearly all spite -- it was dropped).  No,
never threatened, never hit, never hint/think of violence in
any way.  "Sure you didn't," right?  Ah, due
process...whatever.

So,

I'm thinking:
1.  Petition Camden Cty to enroll foreign (Mass judgment) submitting
facts of "itinerary" of case including MD and
subsequent mass filings for reference (want to be able to
pull in GAL report as reference, which is devasting)  (ASIDE:
Middlesex "lost" the impounded GAL report --
registrar just couldn't find it for a temporary orders
hearing and it hasn't been seen since -- cool, huh?
Coincidence that it's credible and completely contradicts the
judgment and it went missing?  Maybe...)
2.  Motion for temp orders to see my girl on a typical
non-custodial basis, cookie cutter dad thing (every other
weekend, one eve week, phone calls, usual vacation) to
include setting support
3.  Motion to modify legal custody to joint (will likely go
to trial, I'll push for mediation -- heard it's decent in
NJ); regular counseling for daughter; me too with her is
fine; allow grandparent visitation independent of mine
(denied currently)

If I could do that, she and I stand a chance.

Questions:
1. How's basic strategy sound?
2. What's Camden Cty like generally for non-custodial dads?
I'm considering shared legal custody and increased
visitation and g'parent visitation.  
3. Which judges hate fathers in Camden Cty?
4.  What do you think my chances with joint legal are?  I think its important.
5. Are any So. Jersey Father's Rights groups not regarded as
off the edge?  I'm not an abuser in disguise, I don't hate my ex
-- my daughter is part of her I couldn't -- and don't want to
get painted as a "dad on a mission."  I am because I
love my girl, but it's my mission, no offence.

Any advice/comments considered.  Thanks.
~dadwho

[socrateaser]

>Questions:
>1. How's basic strategy sound?

Interesting.

>2. What's Camden Cty like generally for non-custodial dads?

NJ is the most custodial parent friendly State in the nation, in my opinion.

>3. Which judges hate fathers in Camden Cty?

I don't practice in NJ, so I have no idea.

>4.  What do you think my chances with joint legal are?  I
>think its important.

I don't read tea leaves.

>5. Are any So. Jersey Father's Rights groups not regarded as
>off the edge?  I'm not an abuser in disguise, I don't hate my
>ex
>-- my daughter is part of her I couldn't -- and don't want to
>get painted as a "dad on a mission."  I am because I
>love my girl, but it's my mission, no offence.

I don't care about your reasons for asserting your rights. One of your rights is the right to assert your rights, so if you want to fight, then fight.

>Any advice/comments considered.  Thanks.

You don't need to register the MA order in order to modify custody. You can just petition the court to modify on grounds that NJ is the home state of the child for more than 6 months. I wouldn't register because it may give your ex warning and opportunity to run again (although, getting her and the kid out of NJ would greatly benefit you, so if you think that this could happen as the result of registering, then by all means register).

It would be nice if you could get the original evaluator to testify to what he learned from that first eval, however he may be prohibited from doing so. If not, then I'd try to get him to appear voluntarily in Jersey by paying his expenses, or I'd schedule a foreign deposition with him in MA and get him on the record as to your ex's alienating behaviors.

Or, you could take a chance and move for a new eval in NJ with a new evaluator.

I actually understand the situation with the alienating custodial parent. I would have appealled the first judgment as an abuse of discretion, but regardless, sometimes the cheapest solution is to just see your child as often as you can in whatever way that will not threaten your ex, and try to build up enough trust so that when the kid is around 13, she suddenly wants to live with Dad. This happens more often than you think, but it's a still a crap shoot.

Good luck.

[TPK]

 "NJ is the most custodial parent friendly State in the nation,
in my opinion"


Having been a lifelong NJ resident (though moving to Pa. in a month) I have to ask how you come about determining that NJ is heavily CP friendly and NCP unkind??


As you know, all my legal issues are taking place in NY so I never got an education (maybe thankfully so) in the NJ Family Court system. I did have a few hearings in NJ when wife never showed, and the judge sat on his hands and gave me no remedy.


I remember when you replyed to my very first post here on Sparc and told me to take action in NY and run like hell from NJ. I never questioned you back then, but I'm curious as to your disdain with NJ.


Thanks


TPK

[socrateaser]

>Having been a lifelong NJ resident (though moving to Pa. in a
>month) I have to ask how you come about determining that NJ is
>heavily CP friendly and NCP unkind??

Over the years, I have read case law from appellate courts of many (maybe all) U.S. jurisdictions. Appellate rulings the general view of the legal system in regards to family law in the jurisdiction. NJ appellate law pushes the barrier of personal rights in family law court to extremes that are simply unknown in other jurisdictions.

NJ is the only state where are court can and has ordered a noncustodial parent to continue to pay CHILD SUPPORT all the way through the child's GRADUATE SCHOOL stuties!

This order was made after the child had already graduated college and in response to the noncustodial parent's request to terminate support.

Nuf said?

[dadwho]

Thanks Socrateaser.

Quite correct -- It *is* naive of me to think I can or should avoid the gamble of an evaluator in NJ.  But my cupboard is bare and leveraged heavily.  Thus no lawyers.  But, a good evaluator would be worth the dough.  Just a matter of finding the dough.

My thinking was that adopting the foreign judgment means I'd at least theoretically have access to the GAL report from Mass as well.  This could seriously strengthen the case generally -- it is truly devasting.  Otherwise, I agree, and think it would be easy to block any input from that initial evaluator leaving me 100% in the hands of an unknown NJ evaluator.

But, also on the side of adopting the foreign judgment, the thinking in the judgment itself is so phenomenally poor it may give a fresh set of eyes a moment's hesitation before my TBD Camden judge just sides with the custodial parent and encourages my erasure.

Either way the ex knows it's coming quickly.  And, they're here for the duration, or at least she talks him into finding a job elsewhere.

As to appealing, you took the words right out of my mouth.  While I did seek additional time in court when back in Mass visiting her long-distance, the ex avoided that as well by dodging service.  And, yes, it is a crap shoot to be patient, see her as much as I can, and wait it out.

Again, is there a worthwhile dad's rights organization in NJ that you know about?

Thanks very much for your comments, they are helpful.
~DH
# # #

>>Questions:
>>1. How's basic strategy sound?
>
>Interesting.
>
>>2. What's Camden Cty like generally for non-custodial dads?
>
>NJ is the most custodial parent friendly State in the nation,
>in my opinion.
>
>>3. Which judges hate fathers in Camden Cty?
>
>I don't practice in NJ, so I have no idea.
>
>>4.  What do you think my chances with joint legal are?  I
>>think its important.
>
>I don't read tea leaves.
>
>>5. Are any So. Jersey Father's Rights groups not regarded as
>>off the edge?  I'm not an abuser in disguise, I don't hate
>my
>>ex
>>-- my daughter is part of her I couldn't -- and don't want
>to
>>get painted as a "dad on a mission."  I am because I
>>love my girl, but it's my mission, no offence.
>
>I don't care about your reasons for asserting your rights. One
>of your rights is the right to assert your rights, so if you
>want to fight, then fight.
>
>>Any advice/comments considered.  Thanks.
>
>You don't need to register the MA order in order to modify
>custody. You can just petition the court to modify on grounds
>that NJ is the home state of the child for more than 6 months.
>I wouldn't register because it may give your ex warning and
>opportunity to run again (although, getting her and the kid
>out of NJ would greatly benefit you, so if you think that this
>could happen as the result of registering, then by all means
>register).
>
>It would be nice if you could get the original evaluator to
>testify to what he learned from that first eval, however he
>may be prohibited from doing so. If not, then I'd try to get
>him to appear voluntarily in Jersey by paying his expenses, or
>I'd schedule a foreign deposition with him in MA and get him
>on the record as to your ex's alienating behaviors.
>
>Or, you could take a chance and move for a new eval in NJ with
>a new evaluator.
>
>I actually understand the situation with the alienating
>custodial parent. I would have appealled the first judgment as
>an abuse of discretion, but regardless, sometimes the cheapest
>solution is to just see your child as often as you can in
>whatever way that will not threaten your ex, and try to build
>up enough trust so that when the kid is around 13, she
>suddenly wants to live with Dad. This happens more often than
>you think, but it's a still a crap shoot.
>
>Good luck.

[socrateaser]

>Thanks Socrateaser.

>My thinking was that adopting the foreign judgment means I'd
>at least theoretically have access to the GAL report from Mass
>as well.  This could seriously strengthen the case generally
>-- it is truly devasting.  Otherwise, I agree, and think it
>would be easy to block any input from that initial evaluator
>leaving me 100% in the hands of an unknown NJ evaluator.

>But, also on the side of adopting the foreign judgment, the
>thinking in the judgment itself is so phenomenally poor it may
>give a fresh set of eyes a moment's hesitation before my TBD
>Camden judge just sides with the custodial parent and
>encourages my erasure.
>

Your thinking is wrong. Whether or not the order is registered in NJ, you have the same rights to the impounded eval and the prior witnesses. As for a fresh set of eyes, you can count on the judge pretty much ignoring your orders except as to any enforcement that you may seek. If you seek modification, the judge will read the old orders to determine exactly what was ordered, and he will ignore any reasoning, because that reasoning is no longer valid. The order is set in stone regardless of its reasoning, so reading the findings is a waste of time, and the judge will not waste his time.

>Again, is there a worthwhile dad's rights organization in NJ
>that you know about?

No clue.

[dadwho]

Thanks again Socrateaser.  Technical questions now.  I'm going to chuck the enrollment of the foreign judgment.  What you're saying rings true and all too familiar (we had 4 different judges throughout our case for various matters back in Mass so I've seen a bit of what you describe).

I'd like to do the following and am a little hazy on how to get going.  They will have a lawyer or two or three, I am pro se. I'm headed to Camden County tomorrow and probably Weds. for a field trip and then to file.  Here are the goals so far:

1)  I want to see my daughter more, not just one weekend a month and one day during the week for an ex-imposed counseling session with her (which I am behind, btw).

2)  I want a court-appointed clinician to evaluate the situation, specifically concerning the alienating/alienated behaviors that keep dogging us.

3)  I want joint legal custody, jic something happens to my ex (she's made it clear that she doesn't want my girl to be with me, even over her dead body -- and her will reflects that, and she's newly remarried)

4)  I want support spelled out by NJ guidelines -- I got hosed in support as well in Mass and don't want any ambiguity and need local recourse if I get laid off or injured (I'm a concrete carpenter) even briefly, or there's a material change in circumstances.

So to do that stuff, I think I need to start with:

1) Temporary orders that request/define:  a) that a clinician be appointed by the court to evaluate the situation, b) visitation (every other weekend, one evening per week, 2 phone calls each week, spell out vacation through end of school next year c) joint legal custody d) support.  These orders pending a hearing regarding custody and final disposition on visitation.

I also figure I'll need to request a hearing date for the temporary orders and do all the service/notification stuff on the Motion for temp orders and Hearing date.

Is that basically it, or is there another process by which I get recognized by the court?

2) At this time, can/should I also request a hearing and make a motion for permanent orders?  I'm thinking not as it will become clearer what's going to happen in the temp orders hearing?  I dunno, as I'm basically looking for the stuff in the Temp Orders to become permanent.

Jump ball:  Anybody (Soc, you mentioned you don't practice in Jersey) know if I also need to do a Temporary Support Order (I'm assuming so and have their online form) and/or do I tackle the 29-page instruction form (Appendices IX-A to F) and try to find the actual form to which I figure they must refer?  :-)  [I'm going to cross-post this to Jersey, btw, because of this query.]  If anyone knows the list of forms I have to do associated with support in Jersey as a "new" case, please let me know.

Thanks very much Soc for your help in refining my thinking and in advance to any Jersey folks (likely dads) with the paperwork.

~Dadwho

[dadwho]

I'm pretty sure it's a non-starter, but figured I'd ask.  Divorce decree w/orders issued in Mass, 4/04

1) Child and instantly remarried custodial parent moved immediately to Maryland, resided there 10 months
2)  I moved there in 1/05, resided there one month
3)  We all moved
4)  Child and custodial parent live in Jersey and have done so since 2/05
5)  I live in So. Philly and have done so since 2/05

I had heard Philly was better for dads in terms of visitation/custody and support, but really don't know.  I assume the ex would just fight to have it moved to Jersey anyway.  Just wanted to throw it out there.

Thanks Socrateaser.
~DW

[socrateaser]

>I'm pretty sure it's a non-starter, but figured I'd ask.
>Divorce decree w/orders issued in Mass, 4/04
>
>1) Child and instantly remarried custodial parent moved
>immediately to Maryland, resided there 10 months
>2)  I moved there in 1/05, resided there one month
>3)  We all moved
>4)  Child and custodial parent live in Jersey and have done so
>since 2/05
>5)  I live in So. Philly and have done so since 2/05

Mod in NJ or MA. If in MA, other parent can request dismissal for inconvenient forum and will probably receive. If in NJ, the MA court will be contacted, but ultimately NJ has the ball.

[socrateaser]

>So to do that stuff, I think I need to start with:
>
>1) Temporary orders that request/define:  a) that a clinician
>be appointed by the court to evaluate the situation, b)
>visitation (every other weekend, one evening per week, 2 phone
>calls each week, spell out vacation through end of school next
>year c) joint legal custody d) support.  These orders pending
>a hearing regarding custody and final disposition on
>visitation.
>
>I also figure I'll need to request a hearing date for the
>temporary orders and do all the service/notification stuff on
>the Motion for temp orders and Hearing date.
>
>Is that basically it, or is there another process by which I
>get recognized by the court?

If you register the existing order, then you can "move" to modify. If not, you must petition the court to modify custody and use the existing order as evidence. Now that I've read most of the facts, I believe you should register and then move to modify, rather than file a new petition.

Once you have your request in front of the judge, then you want to enforce and clarify the existing orders so that you get exactly what you were originally entitled to with no more funny business.

I wouldn't ask for anything more, until I had established at least six months of consistent visitation. Then, I'd go back looking for more, but only if the child's actually interested in spending more time with you. Otherwise, frankly, I think you're tilting at windmills to believe that you're gonna get more time. The fact that the other parent may have alienated the child from you, is not particularly relevant, as long as the child is reasonably well cared for. That is, it sucks that you've been injured, but in that courtroom it's all about the child and the parents just don't exist. The court will not upset the status quo unless you can show that the mom is affirmatively placing the child in harm's way.

As I see no facts that suggest this is the case, you will be wasting your time trying to change the custody orders in any substantial amount.