Short Notice Move

[JB]

Background: I fought and won joint custody of daughter 7 years ago in Northern Utah. Left military to parent daughter. However, financial situation has become dire, and I've been offered a well-paying job in Northern Louisianna. Financial situation dictates that I really have to accept this offer. My daughter is now 14 years old.

Job is temporary (12 months) but good pay, and location is a few hours from family in Little Rock, AR and Memphis TN. Will try to move back to UT afterwards, but only is I can secure a job (yes there is bias against non-Mormons here, but no-one admits it). Otherwise near family or well - just anywhere if I have to.

I've actually sat down with daughter and told her that I thought it was best that she stay put for continuity of education, friends, and living situation with her mother.

Daughter insists she wants to move with me. She gives the following reasons:

1. She hates Utah
2. She loves her mother but hates living with her.
3. She hates her step-father.

What I find strange and surprising is that, like all teenagers, her peer group is everything to her. (when I was her age, if someone made me choose between friends and parent, I would have chosen friends) My daughter is exceptionally social and loves her friends. She has two especially close friends whom she considers her unofficial sisters, one of whom is a constant presence in my house when I have custody of my daughter. She's pretty much an honorary second daughter. In spite of the fact it will pain her terribly to leave her friends, she still insists she wants to move.

Her mother, of course, is having a fit - making threats to go to court, etc. She wants me to support her to convince daughter to stay. My daughters strength of conviction and determination if fierce, and frustrating mother.

Her mother has made an appointment for the both of us to see a psychological counselor tomorrow morning. I find this odd since the problem is with my daughter's attitude toward her mother. So why is the counselor not seeing my daughter? I guess I'll find out for sure tomorrow. right now I'm guessing I'm going to get advice on how to deal with my daughter to force her to stay put.

ASIDE: The Ex knows this counselor from her own therapy. About 2 years ago the EX disappeared into the southern Utah desert for about 4 or 5 days and was picked up by a sheriff's helicopter wandering around dehydrated and in bad shape. I found out from that incident she had previously attempted suicide. Her progress in therapy, plus recent marriage (stable home life) were reasons cited by family court to deny my request for full custody.

[socrateaser]

Do you have a question?

[JB]

 
1.  I believe the childs desire to relocate with me trumps all the other logistical reasons for her staying.  What is your view from a legal standpoint?

2.  My short term question would be to ask your advise on my seeing my Ex's counselor tomorrow.  CustodyIQ from the Father's Issues board seems to think this is a terrible idea.

3.  Assuming filing for full custody is advisable, should I file before setting up residence in Lousianna or after?

4.  I would appreciate any other advise you might have regarding how to proceed legally.  

[socrateaser]

>
>1.  I believe the childs desire to relocate with me trumps all
>the other logistical reasons for her staying.  What is your
>view from a legal standpoint?

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. If the kid wants to move, then you get her to sign an affidavit swearing to it, and ask the court to order it, or appoint a GAL or evaluator to try to determine if the child is being coerced in any manner, before ordering it (which is probably what I'd do, to assure the court that you weren't trying to force the issue, and your only interest is the child's welfare).

>2.  My short term question would be to ask your advise on my
>seeing my Ex's counselor tomorrow.  CustodyIQ from the
>Father's Issues board seems to think this is a terrible idea.

I don't really know if it's a good or bad idea. Is this session with just the two parents, or parents and child?

>3.  Assuming filing for full custody is advisable, should I
>file before setting up residence in Lousianna or after?

If you're going no matter what the outcome of the custody issues, then it doesn't matter when you file, but I'd do it sooner than later. If you're still wavering on whether you're gonna go, then I wouldn't file until I knew for certain.

>4.  I would appreciate any other advise you might have
>regarding how to proceed legally.  

See #1.

[JB]

Background: I fought and won joint custody of daughter 7 years ago in Northern Utah. Left military to parent daughter. However, financial situation has become dire, and I've been offered a well-paying job in Northern Louisianna. Financial situation dictates that I really have to accept this offer. My daughter is now 14 years old.

Job is temporary (12 months) but good pay, and location is a few hours from family in Little Rock, AR and Memphis TN. Will try to move back to UT afterwards, but only is I can secure a job (yes there is bias against non-Mormons here, but no-one admits it). Otherwise near family or well - just anywhere if I have to.

I've actually sat down with daughter and told her that I thought it was best that she stay put for continuity of education, friends, and living situation with her mother.

Daughter insists she wants to move with me. She gives the following reasons:

1. She hates Utah
2. She loves her mother but hates living with her.
3. She hates her step-father.

What I find strange and surprising is that, like all teenagers, her peer group is everything to her. (when I was her age, if someone made me choose between friends and parent, I would have chosen friends) My daughter is exceptionally social and loves her friends. She has two especially close friends whom she considers her unofficial sisters, one of whom is a constant presence in my house when I have custody of my daughter. She's pretty much an honorary second daughter. In spite of the fact it will pain her terribly to leave her friends, she still insists she wants to move.

Her mother, of course, is having a fit - making threats to go to court, etc. She wants me to support her to convince daughter to stay. My daughters strength of conviction and determination if fierce, and frustrating mother.

Her mother has made an appointment for the both of us to see a psychological counselor tomorrow morning. I find this odd since the problem is with my daughter's attitude toward her mother. So why is the counselor not seeing my daughter? I guess I'll find out for sure tomorrow. right now I'm guessing I'm going to get advice on how to deal with my daughter to force her to stay put.

ASIDE: The Ex knows this counselor from her own therapy. About 2 years ago the EX disappeared into the southern Utah desert for about 4 or 5 days and was picked up by a sheriff's helicopter wandering around dehydrated and in bad shape. I found out from that incident she had previously attempted suicide. Her progress in therapy, plus recent marriage (stable home life) were reasons cited by family court to deny my request for full custody.

[socrateaser]

Do you have a question?

[JB]

 
1.  I believe the childs desire to relocate with me trumps all the other logistical reasons for her staying.  What is your view from a legal standpoint?

2.  My short term question would be to ask your advise on my seeing my Ex's counselor tomorrow.  CustodyIQ from the Father's Issues board seems to think this is a terrible idea.

3.  Assuming filing for full custody is advisable, should I file before setting up residence in Lousianna or after?

4.  I would appreciate any other advise you might have regarding how to proceed legally.  

[socrateaser]

>
>1.  I believe the childs desire to relocate with me trumps all
>the other logistical reasons for her staying.  What is your
>view from a legal standpoint?

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. If the kid wants to move, then you get her to sign an affidavit swearing to it, and ask the court to order it, or appoint a GAL or evaluator to try to determine if the child is being coerced in any manner, before ordering it (which is probably what I'd do, to assure the court that you weren't trying to force the issue, and your only interest is the child's welfare).

>2.  My short term question would be to ask your advise on my
>seeing my Ex's counselor tomorrow.  CustodyIQ from the
>Father's Issues board seems to think this is a terrible idea.

I don't really know if it's a good or bad idea. Is this session with just the two parents, or parents and child?

>3.  Assuming filing for full custody is advisable, should I
>file before setting up residence in Lousianna or after?

If you're going no matter what the outcome of the custody issues, then it doesn't matter when you file, but I'd do it sooner than later. If you're still wavering on whether you're gonna go, then I wouldn't file until I knew for certain.

>4.  I would appreciate any other advise you might have
>regarding how to proceed legally.  

See #1.