Problems already

[dipper]

Soc,

Lost in court last Thursday.  Told my son I would pick him up Friday at 6.  Friday BM had called a couple of times before I got home from work.  When I spoke with her she was mad because I was coming at 6...instead of 4.  I explained that my spouse and I are sharing a vehicle at the time.  She started fussing and said that if I came after 4, son would not be there and it would be the next weekend before I could see him.  Then she hung up.  After several attempts to contact her, she finally answered the phone and said I could pick him up at a neighbor's home.  (He is 14 and left home alone constantly, but she wouldnt do so that evening for two hours)

WE have joint legal custody.  The court order says that my weekends for transportation I pick son up at 4.  The court order also gives me three weekends per month.

I received a letter from BM today.  IN this letter she informs me that for the month of February, she has plans for son one weekend, and the weekend after that she has signed him up for burn camp.  Now, this was not discussed with me.  She simply has signed him up and then taken a weekend for herself, leaving me with two weekends.

She also said that we are not to use son as a messenger and that I violated the court order by telling him what time I was to pick him up.  She stated that we are to talk to each other and that the judge had instructed us to get along.  

All in all, she made herself sound very good in the letter.  She has made plans that son will enjoy.  (So if I fight this, I am a bad person, yet she is taking my time)    She speaks of getting along and charges me with "once again" using son as messenger.

Soc, I did not tell son to tell BM anything about the times...i was simply telling my child that I would be late.  I was going to call her...really.  

I do not wish my son to miss activities that he will enjoy, but she is using 'he will have a great time' to cut out my visitation.  

Soc, I had filed a show cause that was not heard or mentioned at the hearing last week.    She is already violating the order again.  

I plan on writing her a letter saying that we share joint legal and matters concerning son are to be discussed in advance, not after she has committed him and built his hopes up.  Also, she repeatedly asks son when I am to pick him up....then blames me if I tell him.  She speaks of getting along, but if I talk to her she fusses and storms out/hangs up.........but, it all looks good on her letter.

Any suggestions of how to handle this in a letter?


Also, if she plans on keeping things just as she has dictated, should I file for show cause before or after she violates?


Will the court hold it against me that we just went though the show cause was not addressed?

[socrateaser]

>I plan on writing her a letter saying that we share joint
>legal and matters concerning son are to be discussed in
>advance, not after she has committed him and built his hopes
>up.  Also, she repeatedly asks son when I am to pick him
>up....then blames me if I tell him.  She speaks of getting
>along, but if I talk to her she fusses and storms out/hangs
>up.........but, it all looks good on her letter.
>
>Any suggestions of how to handle this in a letter?

You just say, that you think the burn camp is a terrific idea, but that in view of the fact that she made the decision unilaterally, and that the time cuts into your court ordered visitation, that you would appreciate it in the future that she obtain your consent before she voids your visitation rights, and that if she continues to act against the terms of the court order, that you will be forced to ask the court for assistance to resolve the dispute again.

Or something like that.

>Also, if she plans on keeping things just as she has dictated,
>should I file for show cause before or after she violates?

I wouldn't make a fuss over the burn camp if you genuinely believe it's a good thing for the kid. You're supposed to be selfless, and that's what the evaluator will want to see. If there's other violations of the court order, then deal with them as they arise.

>Will the court hold it against me that we just went though the
>show cause was not addressed?

I'm sure the court is seriously tired of seeing you, so you need to pick your battles carefully. The judge is only human, and regardless of your legal rights, if you piss him off, you won't have much room to work in.