Scared to go Pro Se

[lisamnrix]

Hi Soc,

I'm failing miserably in my 2nd marriage.  I have 2 sons from previous marraige, ages 18 & 16 and my DH has one daughter from previous age 16.

We have 2 children togher ages 5 & 3.

We argue constantly over my sons.  My DH has OCPD and it's making life miserable for all of us.

I want to file for divorce pro se and am wondering if he's going to fight for  custody of the girls, ages 5 & 3 if I can pull it off.  DH says he's going to declare war.  BTW, he's verbally abusive to me and my sons and I have him on tape recorder teaching my 3 year old her first words - MOMMY LOSER!

My question to you is:
1) What does it take to win a custody battle pro se.
2) Is is worth the risk?

Thanks in Advance!
Lisa

[socrateaser]

>Hi Soc,
>
>I'm failing miserably in my 2nd marriage.  I have 2 sons from
>previous marraige, ages 18 & 16 and my DH has one daughter
>from previous age 16.
>
>We have 2 children togher ages 5 & 3.
>
>We argue constantly over my sons.  My DH has OCPD and it's
>making life miserable for all of us.
>
>I want to file for divorce pro se and am wondering if he's
>going to fight for  custody of the girls, ages 5 & 3 if I can
>pull it off.  DH says he's going to declare war.  BTW, he's
>verbally abusive to me and my sons and I have him on tape
>recorder teaching my 3 year old her first words - MOMMY
>LOSER!
>
>My question to you is:
>1) What does it take to win a custody battle pro se.

Rule #1 in family law. Whoever comes to court as the primary caretaker of the children usually wins all the marbles. The only time this doesn't happen is if the primary caretaker does something to affirmatively harm the children's best interests (e.g., deal drugs from home, beat the kids, leave them unsupervised for a day without food, etc.).

>2) Is is worth the risk?

You should consult with a local attorney about your options. The fact that you're asking whether you could go pro se, suggests to me that you can't -- otherwise, you wouldn't be asking -- you'ld be telling me that you're doing it, and asking for help.

[lisamnrix]

Hi Soc,

My DH and I both work full-time and share the responsibilities are primary caretakers.  

I am debating about going pro-se because my DH has threatened to fight me tooth and nail.  He's angry of course.  

My questions:

1) we share primary caretaker role, so who will get custody of children
2) is a custody battle good to do pro-se...  have people been able to accomplish getting custody on their own when both parites are wanting primary custody?  If you tell me it's been done - I'll go for it and you'll then see me asking ALL kinds of questions... :)


Thanks again!
Lisa

[socrateaser]

>My questions:
>
>1) we share primary caretaker role, so who will get custody of
>children

If you actually fight it out, then you will have a 50/50 chance of it going either way, and probably the court will maintain the status quo and leave custody at 50/50, which means you will have wasted a lot of time and money.

>2) is a custody battle good to do pro-se...  have people been
>able to accomplish getting custody on their own when both
>parites are wanting primary custody?  If you tell me it's been
>done - I'll go for it and you'll then see me asking ALL kinds
>of questions... :)


If both parents are pro se, then you shouldn't have a problem. But, if the other parent hires counsel, you're gonna get squished. I strongly encourage you to suggest to your spouse that both of you should retain a lawyer to act as a mediator and just explain the facts of divorce to both of you simultaneously (in other words, this attorney would be representing neither of you -- just clarifying the issues). When he understands how difficult the process is, he will probably be willing to settle, and both of you will save yourselves a big headache.