Before I lose it.....

[melissa3]

Dear Socrateaser,

I need some more legal advice before I lose it.

In my first post I explained my ex has taken me to court on allegations of drug abuse, has made motions for more child support and, just recently, contempt of child support.

My ex wants me to pay for outstanding medical bills but has never sent me paperwork. I am concerned poor living conditions are resulting in frequent doctor visits.

I am going through a drug evaluation and am supposed to have supervised visits with my daughter. However, I have an elusive evaluator and, consequently, have had few appointments and no supervised visits with him.  

In a letter to my laywer, the evaluator claims I am to pay for my ex's appointments along with my own. This was never put in writing and I never signed for that at trial.

My lawyer is extremely neglegent, difficult to communicate with, made a complete mess out of my case and is a (enter own explicit here.) I'm in the process of dumping him and hiring a new one.

I just recieved in the mail, from my lawyer, a compiled list of documents (or interrogatories) that I am to give to my ex. Some of the questions that confused me were related to mental health, what medications I am on and who I live with. The financial questions I have already answered with all the numerous statements I've had to fill out.

We don't have a trial date as of yet, just another pre-trial.

Like most "dead-beat" fathers, I can't afford this battle anymore - financialy and emotionally. My ex just won't stop burying me. Unless I can find a reprieve, I'm going to go broke and never see my daughter again.


My questions are as follows:

1. If it was never put in writing, am I responsible for the charges of my ex's appointments with the substance abuse evaluator?

2. I have read all the 'Hiring Attorneys" and "Attorney Interview Questions" articles on this site but can you, being an attorney, give any tips, suggestions or advice on how to and what to look for when interviewing/hiring an effective one?

3. I am assuming the interrogatories are for trial, for the motion for more C.S, but is there anything else my ex could want this information for?

4. (Pertains to #3)  Can I have my ex fill out one of these, too?

5. With my ex, is there a legal way to draw the line to keep her from making any further attacks?

Thank you in advance for your time.

[socrateaser]

>My questions are as follows:
>
>1. If it was never put in writing, am I responsible for the
>charges of my ex's appointments with the substance abuse
>evaluator?

I'd need to read your orders and any agreement you may have entered into.

>
>2. I have read all the 'Hiring Attorneys" and "Attorney
>Interview Questions" articles on this site but can you, being
>an attorney, give any tips, suggestions or advice on how to
>and what to look for when interviewing/hiring an effective
>one?

1. How many times have you practiced before the judge in my case?
2. Do you have a good relationship with the judge?
3. How many cases like mine have you handled?
4. What percentage of them have turned out favorably?
5. How far are you from the courthouse? (CA lawyers charge from the moment they leave their office, until the time they get back, so you save money if the attorney is closer to the courthouse).
6. I need to be involved in my litigation. I'm not interested in micro-managing you, but I want to make certain that you do not expend any resources other than in urgent circumstances, without consulting with me as to the course of action first. If you agree, I want that stipulated as part of your contract with me.

That's about it.

>3. I am assuming the interrogatories are for trial, for the
>motion for more C.S, but is there anything else my ex could
>want this information for?

I don't know. Too speculative.

>4. (Pertains to #3)  Can I have my ex fill out one of these,
>too?

I don't know what it says, but in general, yes.

>
>5. With my ex, is there a legal way to draw the line to keep
>her from making any further attacks?

If you think that your opponent is abusing the legal process by submitting discovery requests that are not reasonably calculated to lead to the discovery of admissible evidence, then you should file a "Motion in Limine" to limit the scope of discovery. But, you'll need some good proof, and that means an attorney who you can work with.

[melissa3]

Dear Socrateaser,

Thanks for your time.

The sribbled agreement, by my lawyer, says: Plaintiff shall forthwith be evaluated and screened for Substance Abuse through information provided by Probation Dept. Results of such services shall be provided to probate and counsel for both parties.

The Court order reads like this: Plaintiff's visits with minor child be suspended until the pre-trial conference unless Plaintiff can arrange supervised visits with Specialized Counsling Services. Said visits shall be paid for by Plaintiff.

From my understanding, I am responsible for the payment of the supervised visits, not for my ex's appointments.

Unfortunetly, and although I would like to, I can't afford all of this financial burden. The case would come to a stand still if I was to be solely responsible for it.

1. Is it possible for me to get my ex to pay for her own appointments?

2. Is it possible for me to get her to help pay for some of my evaluation?

Thank you for your time.

[socrateaser]

>1. Is it possible for me to get my ex to pay for her own
>appointments?

If your ex's failure to make the appointments is based on the believe that you are supposed to pay and you're not, then you need a clarification order from the court. Otherwise, the other party will just sit on this issue so as to avoid giving you any time with the child.

>
>2. Is it possible for me to get her to help pay for some of my
>evaluation?

See above.

[melissa3]

Dear Socrateaser,

>If your ex's failure to make the appointments is based on the believe >that you are supposed to pay and you're not, then you need a >clarification order from the court. Otherwise, the other party will just s>it on this issue so as to avoid giving you any time with the child.

I apologize that I forgot to state that the appointments my ex has with the evaluator only pertain to my substance abuse evaluation. She has nothing to do with supervised visitation, so any negligence on her part wouldn't keep me from my daughter.

I've had 3 appointments and have paid $300 so far. The evaluator sent me a bill yesterday saying I owe him $700. Obviously there is some confusion I need to work out.

The evaluator said the evalutation itself should cost about $800. He didn't break it down so I'll have to find out if that fee includes the ex's appointments, too.

Questions:
1. Can I get a clarfication from the court myself or do I need a lawyer to get that?

(About lawyers)
I read a recommendation on this site that suggested not paying a retainer and just hiring a lawyer at their hourly fee.

1. Is it common, or, how common is it for lawyers to accept this deal?

2. If done this way, what would the benefits be (opposed to just hiring a lawyer like usual)?

Thank you
 

[socrateaser]

>Questions:
>1. Can I get a clarfication from the court myself or do I need
>a lawyer to get that?

If this is about a criminal issue, not a family law issue, then you must pay for the evals, because the other parent is not involved in your case with the State.

>
>(About lawyers)
>I read a recommendation on this site that suggested not paying
>a retainer and just hiring a lawyer at their hourly fee.
>
>1. Is it common, or, how common is it for lawyers to accept
>this deal?

Depends on your local. If the lawyer's hungry, he/she may take it, but most attorneys will not work hourly without an advance against fees, because they don't want to have to try to collect later.

>2. If done this way, what would the benefits be (opposed to
>just hiring a lawyer like usual)?

The advantage is that you have leverage, because the lawyer hasn't collected any funds yet. That's the only advantage, and it's a big one.

[melissa3]

Dear Socrateaser,

This is a family court issue, not criminal in anyway (well, except my ex hid a video camera in her bathroom, taped me taking my medication and used that as evidence.)

She made the alligations about drug abuse and it is my opinion that she should be obligated to help this case. I don't believe I should be solely responsible for the financial burden of disproving her allegations.

If you remember, I just had a contempt hearing and have to pay my ex C.S. from a retirement plan. Obviously, if I had money, I wouldn't be paying from my damn retirement plan.

Basically, she either helps to pay for the evaluation or I can't pay child support (and become another "dead-beat dad.")  


Questions:
1. What I meant in one of previous questions was, when I get a new laywer do I have to have him/her ask for the clarification or can I request it by myself?

2. In the unlikely event that my ex and I come to a written  agreement for payment, would it be considered valid/binding and enforcable by the court?

3. What is the likelyhood the court would order my ex to shoulder some of the evalutation fees?

4. After being in contempt, is there a chance I could ask for C.S. to be temporarily suspended, if I can show that I, presently, can't handle the obligation on top of the evaluation and other subsequent expenses?

5. If at all possible, could you please suggest anything I could do to get a reprieve in my financial responsibilities, so as to get this case moving (and actually have a fighting chance at getting my daughter back)?
 
Thank you
   

[socrateaser]

>Questions:
>1. What I meant in one of previous questions was, when I get a
>new laywer do I have to have him/her ask for the clarification
>or can I request it by myself?

You MAY do it yourself. Just write a motion for clarification of the apportionment of costs re custody evaluation. But, I don't know if you CAN do it yourself, and I don't have time to help you at the moment.

>
>2. In the unlikely event that my ex and I come to a written
>agreement for payment, would it be considered valid/binding
>and enforcable by the court?

Most likely, yes.

>
>3. What is the likelyhood the court would order my ex to
>shoulder some of the evalutation fees?

Depends on need and ability to pay of both parties. I can't assess this other than that you have said you have no ability to pay.

>4. After being in contempt, is there a chance I could ask for
>C.S. to be temporarily suspended, if I can show that I,
>presently, can't handle the obligation on top of the
>evaluation and other subsequent expenses?

Highly doubtful. Modifying your support obligation downward requires you to show that your income has decreased through no fault of your own, or that you have extraordinary expenses that are beyond your control. Unfortunately, your legal fees are within your control, no matter how unfair this may seem, because you can cave in and eliminate those expenses, and then pay your support.

In short, if you think you can win your custody battle, then you need to pull out your credit card, or pawn everything you own, and then fight. If you don't think you can win, then you will be trying to put new wine into an old wine bottle and you will end up with a sour taste in your mouth -- so I advise against this.

You need to be as objective as possible about your case. Stop thinking about fairness, because that will kill you. There is NO FAIR in family law court. There is ONLY the children's best interests. The parents are irrelevant, and the only reason why you are losing is because the other parent has the kids. That is rule #1 -- whoever comes to court with the kids will win 99% of the time.

>5. If at all possible, could you please suggest anything I
>could do to get a reprieve in my financial responsibilities,
>so as to get this case moving (and actually have a fighting
>chance at getting my daughter back)?

You talk about getting your daughter back. It's not clear to me that you have lost her, nor is it clear to me that you ever had her. This isn't because I ddon't believe that you're getting a raw deal, but rather because I don't have a thorough and objective rendition of the facts that led up to and include your current circumstances.

So, sit down and figure out if you were the judge, what facts you would want to see before you would provide yourself with more parenting time. Then ask yourself if you can prove those facts with credible objective evidence, TODAY, without benefit of any outside evaluation, because you can't afford that evaluation.

Then ask yourself if you had the money for the eval, would that really make any difference to the outcome -- would you have the necessary facts to convince a judge that you were the superior daily caretaker for the child? If so, then you may want to try to borrow the money to fight for custody. If not, then you should close your tent and remove yourself from the battlefield, because if you stay you will be killed. Better to save your money for some other battle on some other day -- or, for a vacation.

[melissa3]

Dear Socrateaser,

I must apologize again. After speaking with my evaluator, he claims I am not allowed visitation until after my ex has had an intake evaluation. So in truth, my ex can interfere with me seeing my daughter if she wants to.

>You talk about getting your daughter back. It's not clear to me that >you have lost her, nor is it clear to me that you ever had her. This isn't >because I ddon't believe that you're getting a raw deal, but rather >because I don't have a thorough and objective rendition of the facts >that led up to and include your current circumstances.

I never had custody of her. All this hell I'm going trhough is just to have my regular visitation re-instated. It's real sad.

The evaluation is important because without it, the courts belive I'm a drug addict. I have to go through it prove othwerwise. It was nothing I did to make the courts think I was abusing, my ex was the one to bring it up.

She has no proof I hurt my daughter, put her in danger in anyway or am dangerous while on my medication. All she has to her credit is a positive drug screen and a (illegal) tape.

All in all, I never did anything wrong. My ex made an alligation and I have to bear the burden of proving her wrong.

Question:
1. In your experiance, other than the evaluation, what more can I do to show I'm a decent father?

[socrateaser]

>Question:
>1. In your experiance, other than the evaluation, what more
>can I do to show I'm a decent father?

Photos, videos, etc., with the child. Character testimonial evidence from people who have seen you with your child, but who have no particular reason to "puff up" your claims.

You say that the tape is illegal. If it is, then it should not have been permitted into evidence, so the question is: how did it get into evidence?

Also, and I haven't looked back on your old posts, so you may have mentioned this before, where you doing illegal drugs? Because, if you were, then talking about an illegal tape is rather hypocritical. Not that I have anything in particular against a person who wants to self medicate.

But, the bottom line is that if the drug is illegal and you were caught using, then you have no place to complain about your ex getting it on an illegal tape, because if you weren't doing anything illegal, then the tape would be all to your advantage.

Of course, if you were legal, then your ex would never have produced the tape, and you'd never have known of its existence, but, the result would be the same, i.e.: you wouldn't be in quite the same fix as you are currently.