Cannot get information on counseling....

[dipper]

Soc,

Judge ordered in VA court in January that ss was to receive counseling.  While the order still has not been signed and filed - according to the court, it has to be done by April 25th....., BM did start counseling.

ON February 15th she sent me a letter stating that ss was to begin counseling that day at a named clinic, and she would send me info about the visit as well as how much I owe.  I have not received ANY correspondence about the counselor since that time.

I did write to the clinic and request info about the counselor and to be billed for 50% of the charges.  They sent me a form to sign, which I did and sent back in.  They had advised that the letter would be forwarded to the counselor.

I also sent bm a letter specifically concerning counseling, requesting what was taking place (evaluations, testing, etc) and wanting to know the counselor's title, qualifications.

Soc, to date, I have no idea what is going on.  I dont know the counselor's name, what he/she is doing, how often visits are taking place, payments....nothing.

BM has maneuvered herself into counseling before.  I am very concerned as this counselor is not concerned with hearing from the other parent......Obviously, this counselor can be led to believe certain things....

The equal split of counseling costs was ordered in January - prior copays were ordered at 75% my share.  I am wondering if bm is going to try to fight this and waiting until time is almost ran out to file.

Soc, if BM tries to wait until the last minute to fight the judges order of 50/50 costs, can this be ordered without my agreement to the change?


Also, what action can I take to find out about the counseling? (I have joint legal with no specifications)

[dipper]

Soc,

I had posted about lack of information on counseling.  Then I checked the mail and got the information from the counseling center.

We are in VA.  I have joint legal custody.  IN January, court ordered counseling for son (14).  This was to go through the GAL.  ON February 15, BM sent me a letter saying that she was taking son to counseling (name of place) that day and would forward more information.  She never would give me any more information, even though I requested such in writing.

I had to request this through the center.  Today I received a packet...which has infuriated me.  In every question, BM blamed me for all of sons problems and bad mouthed me.  I was painted as a drug adicted alcoholic with no limits set for my son.  

While I have not had primary custody of son, she said that I lost custody of son due to lack of structure and consequences.  She also said that his problems increased when I remarried.  She does not mention that this is when she moved him two hours away from all that he knew.

Soc, the order from January is due by April 25th.  It is my belief that BM expects the appeal and therefore is getting her ducks in the row.....she is telling the counselor that all of son's problems are because of me.

I also received a manifestation meeting which I was not made aware of and in that she had noted that a stressor for son was that I had filed a lawsuit against another student.  She reported, according to son, that she lost her apartment because of me.

Soc, she is badmouthing me to all 'third party' witnesses.  It is my sincere belief that she is doing this to be able to call the school and counselor in as witnesses.

I have every intent to write to the counselor and set him straight......tell him about her affairs leading to our divorce (and not my drug use); that she never fought my oldest son living with me and that I had other son half of the time until I remarried -and then she moved him away; that she curses me in front of son and has even had a lawyer threaten to call the police on her - in front of son.

She was sure to include the name and number of GAL while telling counselor about what a terrible person I am.

How can I set all these lies to rest Soc?


Can I sue or charge her with slander considering the print is in black and white as to what she said?



How can I go about wording the letter where the counselor/school doesnt think I am vindictive, but in the best interest of my son as I do fully believe her actions are damaging to our son, including running me down with these lies?  

[socrateaser]

>How can I set all these lies to rest Soc?

If your response is requested, I strongly suggest that you do not "go off" on the therapist. You will be far better off to approach the situation from the position of feeling hurt by the allegation and sorry that the child's mother apparently needs to vent such hostility towards you, but that your sole interest is in your son's welfare, and that you will do whatever is required as necessary to advance your son's best interests -- without berating the other parent.

And, I would leave it at that. If you rain all over the other parent's statements and disclose all of her faults, the therapist will view you as equally if not more hostile and vindictive and you will lose whatever advantage you may have in obtaining a favorable opinion of you from the therapist.

>Can I sue or charge her with slander considering the print is
>in black and white as to what she said?

You can sue for slander/defamation if the statements are false, defamatory, published to a third person and injurious. But, in a tort action it's all about the amount of assets the other person has that can be executed against. So, if she doesn't have anything with which to compensate you for your damages, then you'll just be throwing your money away.

Although you can do the small claims court thing again.

>How can I go about wording the letter where the
>counselor/school doesnt think I am vindictive, but in the best
>interest of my son as I do fully believe her actions are
>damaging to our son, including running me down with these
>lies?  

Read what I wrote above, and then you write something and post it and I'll review it.

[dipper]

Thanks Soc, money is not my motive on the slander.  I want to have something that will prove that she is lying about me, and hopefully make her think twice about doing it again.

All that I want is to be treated as an equal parent.  I am not asking for control.  Yet, for wanting to know what is going on and get my six days a month, I have to endure all of this bashing.  I even have to pay $15.50 to find out that she is lying about me - cost of records.


So, is it not advisable to list any of her faults even if I feel they are hurting my son (for example:  discussing her present relationship with her cousin while also discussing her being asked to marry another lover with a 14 year old son)?

[socrateaser]

>Thanks Soc, money is not my motive on the slander.  I want to
>have something that will prove that she is lying about me, and
>hopefully make her think twice about doing it again.
>
>All that I want is to be treated as an equal parent.  I am not
>asking for control.  Yet, for wanting to know what is going on
>and get my six days a month, I have to endure all of this
>bashing.  I even have to pay $15.50 to find out that she is
>lying about me - cost of records.
>
>
>So, is it not advisable to list any of her faults even if I
>feel they are hurting my son (for example:  discussing her
>present relationship with her cousin while also discussing her
>being asked to marry another lover with a 14 year old son)?

I think that any evidence showing her disgust for your suing the neighbor for the injuries to your son would be an excellent showing of evidence that the other parent is more concerned with her reputation with the neighbors than her child's best interests.

[dipper]

Soc,

Considering sending letters of correspondence from both sides to the counselor from just the past three months.

Son needs help. If I am wrong, then I want to know.  But, if the letters show what I think they will, I think it would destroy bm's manipulations.

If the counselor felt I was causing problems for my son, I would not push things...Main concern is to keep son out of jail (from violating others property/person) or getting hurt.

Would this seem appropriate though?

[socrateaser]

>Soc,
>
>Considering sending letters of correspondence from both sides
>to the counselor from just the past three months.
>
>Son needs help. If I am wrong, then I want to know.  But, if
>the letters show what I think they will, I think it would
>destroy bm's manipulations.
>
>If the counselor felt I was causing problems for my son, I
>would not push things...Main concern is to keep son out of
>jail (from violating others property/person) or getting hurt.
>
>Would this seem appropriate though?

Why don't you ask the counselor exactly what he/she thinks would be helpful for your son before you commit to a particular course. That way you will be able to put the (mental) burden on the counselor if he/she thinks you have acted inappropriately. In other words, what might ordinarily be thought extreme or hostile were it unsolicited in advance, might be accepted without a second thought if solicited.

Humans are funny creatures.

[dipper]

Soc, you wrote, "If your response is requested, I strongly suggest that you do not "go off" on the therapist."

My response was not requested.  I requested the information as BM will not tell me anything - not appt dates, who son is seeing (other than county center), what the counselor is doing (evaluations, tests, etc.), just  no information at all.

She had wrote to me that he was going on that day, Feb. 15 and she would forward more information.  Never did.  I even wrote a letter for the sole purpose of obtaining this info.  No response.

What is disclosed in these notes is like one piece of a 100 piece puzzle, and then it belongs in another puzzle because its not true.

My intent is to inform the counselor of these false allegations, straighten the record.  List what behaviors I have known in son throughout the years, and give a time-line of what was going on when the behaviors increased.  For example, instead of just my remarrying being listed as the sole instigator of his increased behaviors - I think its worth the mention that she moved him two hours away two weeks before our wedding..and that BM took him off of medication for ADHD at this exact same time.

I did see on one paper that an amendment can be requested.  

Do you feel that I should not correspond my concerns since they were not requested?

[socrateaser]

>Do you feel that I should not correspond my concerns since
>they were not requested?

Since no response was requested, I suggest that you contact the therapist and suggest that some of the things that were reported to you are not factually correct, and ask whether or not the therapist would find your comments useful.

That way, it's the therapist's idea to find out more background, and you can't be accused of trying to insert yourself into the therapy so as to manipulate the outcome to your favor.