Got a continuance today - suggestions?

[DecentDad]

Unfortunately, my prior judge retired.

We start with a brand new judge.

I got the declaration today for the Ex Parte to terminate overnights and appoint child's counsel.

It rehashed all the old stuff, all the speculation about how I ignore medical problems, anxiety, etc.  None of it true, but it paints a picture of a really unfit parent.  It's all the same as what was argued in Aug 2005.

The only new matter is a declaration from child's teacher stating that on April 7, 2006, child told her that she didn't want to go to my home because of monsters in her closet and that I don't believe that there are monsters.  Declaration also noted that when offered security objects to take home, child told teacher that I refuse to let her have anything from school or her mother's home.  Declaration stated "I don't mean any judgment by this, but I was asked to document this conversation."

This was the first I ever heard about that.  BTW, biomom is "room mother", so she's had plenty of time to bias the teacher.

I believe that child was coached to tell teacher this.  Teacher declared that child said she told her mother too.

(Child has previously sought comfort from me when upset that mother makes her say untrue things).

I successfully argued that there's no irreparable harm warranting a decision today.

It was enough for the court to want a hearing.  I got a two week continuance to rebut.  Court tossed mother a bone and gave her a 2-hour dinner visit in the middle of my spring break (but didn't eliminate any overnights).  Everything else will be argued at the hearing.

Opposing attorney is a POS who grabs things out of the air about how child is so physically ill in my care, that I am harrassing, that I care nothing for the child, that I refuse to do anything right for the child.

So, how to proceed?  I can do any/all of the following:

1.  Get declaration from my wife about child's demeanor in my care.

2.  Get declaration from grandparents on same, after they spend spring break with me.

3.  Take a polygraph that I've never withheld any security objects, toys, or comfort items.

4.  Take a polygraph that child has told me that she has to say bad things about me because that's what mother wants.

5.  Take a polygraph that child has told me that mother said she'll fix it so child never sees me again.

6.  Try to get declaration from school teacher stating that child has shared positive experiences in my home, that child does not seem distressed upon RETURNING to school from my home (i.e., though she may be programmed by mom to be anxious about it).

7.  Get declaration from rabbi that I'm a good father with whom child appears at ease.  Rabbi has known my family for 2 years and has seen us a few times a month.

8.  Secretly videotape child happily and peacefully going to sleep every night of spring break next week, as she has done for years in my home.  I guess I can mention I have it at the hearing, but I don't imagine that it's admissible.  What if a psychiatrist or therapist reviews it and writes a declaration about what's on it?

9.  I have two weeks, and the school is inaccessible until April 24 due to spring break.  How do I rebut or impeach this teacher's declaration?!

[socrateaser]

>So, how to proceed?  I can do any/all of the following:
>
>1.  Get declaration from my wife about child's demeanor in my
>care.

Wife's biased. No weight as evidence.

>
>2.  Get declaration from grandparents on same, after they
>spend spring break with me.

Same answer, unless it's mom's parents.

>
>3.  Take a polygraph that I've never withheld any security
>objects, toys, or comfort items.

If you want to spend the money, this would pretty much crap all over mom, but in order to get it into evidence, you'll need opposing counsel's consent, so don't waste your money unless you get a stipulated order first.

You should feel this one out. Send the lawyer a letter offering to submit to a polygraph on the issue, in return for mom taking a polygraph on the issue of her telling the child to say bad things about you, or whatever else you think will be caught by the machine.

Then when the attorney says, No, you can tell the court that you offerred to submit and produce the letter, and then the judge will want to know why mom wasn't interested in knowing the truth -- this could create serious credibility problems for mom.

>
>4.  Take a polygraph that child has told me that she has to
>say bad things about me because that's what mother wants.

Double hearsay. Each individual hearsay must be separately admissible or it's all inadmissible. So, you can potentially submit the polygraph of what you heard the child say, but what the child said is still hearsay, unless the child testifies to having said it.

>
>5.  Take a polygraph that child has told me that mother said
>she'll fix it so child never sees me again.

Same as above -- inadmissible. If you want to go this route, you will need a therapist to interview the child and then testify that in his/her expert opinion the child is being unduly influenced by the mother.

This is probably the best all around move, but don't let it stop you from doing more.

>
>6.  Try to get declaration from school teacher stating that
>child has shared positive experiences in my home, that child
>does not seem distressed upon RETURNING to school from my home
>(i.e., though she may be programmed by mom to be anxious about
>it).

You could hold a deposition with the teacher, and try to get her to admit that she doesn't really know what the !@#$ she's talking about. In either case, that teacher will have to testify at a subsequent hearing, because that report by the teacher is hearsay -- the teacher is not required as a routine part of her job to document children's concerns re their home life, so it's not admissible under the business records exception to the hearsay rule.

Of course, the judge may let it in anyway, which could ruin your whole day, so we need to provide for that contingency.

>7.  Get declaration from rabbi that I'm a good father with
>whom child appears at ease.  Rabbi has known my family for 2
>years and has seen us a few times a month.

Another biased witness.

>8.  Secretly videotape child happily and peacefully going to
>sleep every night of spring break next week, as she has done
>for years in my home.  I guess I can mention I have it at the
>hearing, but I don't imagine that it's admissible.  What if a
>psychiatrist or therapist reviews it and writes a declaration
>about what's on it?

This is absolutely admissible, as long as you can prove that the recording is not modified. You may want to hire a private investigator to set the recorder up for you and check it periodically, so that he/she can report that the video is unaltered, that he/she viewed it and saw no sign whatsoever of the child being in any distress.

Frankly, this probably would deal a devistating blow to mom's argument, so if I were to want to start spending money on anything in particular, this would be it.

>
>9.  I have two weeks, and the school is inaccessible until
>April 24 due to spring break.  How do I rebut or impeach this
>teacher's declaration?!

You don't have to. As I already said, unless she will appear at the hearing, her testimony is inadmissible hearsay, because it is not part of her job to routinely document children's statements regarding their home life. So, unless the mother intends to produce the teacher as a witness, which as you say, may be impossible because she can't be served to appear, then you should be able to keep this evidence out entirely.

To review, in order of best to worst:

1. Definitely, offer of the polygraph in writing and opposing counsel's refusal to consider it, if it goes that way.

2. Therapist interviewing child and testifying to the findings.
3. Video by private eye with subsequent testimony that nothing odd was observed.
4. Polygraph re the issue of your withholding security.
5. Deposition with teacher -- dangerous, because it could backfire on you -- may be better to simply try to keep it out, and you can even ask why opposing counsel didn't produce her as a witness.

And, if you want to get really annoying, you could file a motion in limine, now, and write a brief on why the teacher's report should not be admissible. If you want to research CA case law on the issue -- I don't actually know what you might find, but if it appeared that this is something that appellate courts have routinely tossed out in the past, then that would force the judge to toss it or give a through explanation as to why.

It would also force opposing counsel to spend client funds responding to your brief and appearing in court. I don't know who's financing all of this litigation, but eventually, they're gonna throw in the towel.

6. Rabbi witness.
7. Wife/Grandparent witness.

PS (this is all stream of consciousness, so the entire post is rather jumbled):

The next hearing will still be just argument -- you won't be permitted to present any testimony, unless the judge already ok'd it. But that could be a good thing, because if you get a report from the PI or the therapist or the polygraph examiner that you're ok, then if the judge lets in the teacher's report, he/she's gonna have to let your reports in too, and yours should be a lot more convincing because you can use some heavy hitters vis-a-vis an elementary school teacher (apologies to school teachers, but the job is teaching school, not diagonsing children's mental disorders).

Lastly, this attorney could be brought up on ethics charges, depending on the exact argument. If the attorney was making claims of all the child's problems without actually having any evidence to support it, then that's misleading the court and could lead to a suspension.

I'd need to read the pleadings. Scan the OSC and email it to me if you want.

[DecentDad]

I'm exhausted, will scan over the weekend, I really appreciate the offer.

We went into the hearing with the new judge saying he's extremely concerned and thinks we need to shorten time in dad's home.  The thing that saved my butt was hammering mom's mental instability, that this all resides in her head, that there is no evidence to support her hysteria.  That's when opposing counsel went ape-s**t with all her musings about me.  20 minutes later of back and forth, I walked out with my continuance.

My wife and I discussed that perhaps our best response (in addition to ripping apart mom's declaration with fact) is two-fold.  I want to take back control, rather than stay on defense, and I want to spend as close to zero $ as possible.

Child's medical records won't support mother's declaration that child has chronic constipation, that child has seizures, that child has migraines in my home, that child faints, and that child has physical symptoms arising from anxiety.

I can get copies of the pediatrician records for 2005/2006.  Child has been with same pediatrician for 5 years.  I don't have the $$ to pay for the pediatrician's testimony.

Realistically (in terms of what a court would allow), I believe the medical records are just as legitimate as what mom offers.  So, medical records show a pretty healthy child with no diagnoses for any of the aforementioned problems, making mom delusional or deceitful.

So, Motion #1... New Psych Eval of Mother (by original evaluator)

Also, a parent truly concerned about the child's refusual to express emotions (per mom's declaration, but not what I experience) should support child therapy.  She's evidently just interested in gathering information for her long-standing mission to eliminate my role in child's life.  Child's counsel does not help child understanding and work out her situation.  A THERAPIST will.

Mom refused to agree to bring child to a therapist a year ago when child was very upset (expressed to me) with brand new boyfriend moving into their one-bedroom apartment.

So, Motion #2... Orders for Child Counseling with following conditions:

A) Therapist's testimony is inadmissible.  This is purely for the child.
B) Each part will meet individually ONCE with the therapist before child begins.
C) Parties will alternate taking child to therapist.
D) Child will attend at least 20 sessions.
E) Upon choosing therapist, parents cannot change therapist without mutual consent of parents or court order.
F) After initial meeting, parents are to meet with therapist only when intiated by therapist.


1.  If I respond, in addition to defending, but then saying, "Okay, I'm concerned about why child has said these things to teacher; so let's get this child into see someone WITHOUT trying to position the next litigation"... how can the other parent oppose that?  And wouldn't that be a quite reasonable best interest reaction to this?  We're really going to disrupt this child's life because she's afraid of monsters in the closet (along with 90% of other young kids)?!

2.  Do you like the two Motions above?

[socrateaser]

>So, Motion #1... New Psych Eval of Mother (by original
>evaluator)

To get the mom evaluated, you will need something more than your own testimony. I recall that you said the mother was all over your Rabbi, in the courtroom hallway and at the Temple or something like that. So, maybe some testimony from a purportedly disinterested witness as to her irrational behavior in public could suggest the possibility of delusion, if you can get the evaluator's report unsealed.

I don't think it's real strong, however, but it's a possible angle.

>Mom refused to agree to bring child to a therapist a year ago
>when child was very upset (expressed to me) with brand new
>boyfriend moving into their one-bedroom apartment.

Got any proof of this? I mean if the mother was really concerned about the child's mental state, then why wouldn't she consent to counseling? That's a good argument, but you'll have to have something more than your saying it's true.

>So, Motion #2... Orders for Child Counseling with following
>conditions:
>
>A) Therapist's testimony is inadmissible.  This is purely for
>the child.
>B) Each part will meet individually ONCE with the therapist
>before child begins.
>C) Parties will alternate taking child to therapist.
>D) Child will attend at least 20 sessions.
>E) Upon choosing therapist, parents cannot change therapist
>without mutual consent of parents or court order.
>F) After initial meeting, parents are to meet with therapist
>only when intiated by therapist.
>
>
>1.  If I respond, in addition to defending, but then saying,
>"Okay, I'm concerned about why child has said these things to
>teacher; so let's get this child into see someone WITHOUT
>trying to position the next litigation"... how can the other
>parent oppose that?  And wouldn't that be a quite reasonable
>best interest reaction to this?  We're really going to disrupt
>this child's life because she's afraid of monsters in the
>closet (along with 90% of other young kids)?!
>
>2.  Do you like the two Motions above?

They're credible. #2 feels better than #1, but if you can make #1 stick, then that's reasonable. Is the mother still with the same new boyfriend? If not, can you locate him and get him to testify as to mother's behavior during the relationship? Just a thought.

Anyone else who thinks the mom is nuttier than a fruitcake and who's not a close friend or family member, who would be willing to testify? Daycare provider, or someone who sees mom on a routine basis?

I understand your desire to go on the offense. It's obvious that this Judge is leaning against you, because of all the typical bias in favor mothers crapola. But, you've got to live with that, so I still think an eval with a real therapist is the best move, and that if you can get something prior to the next hearing, that might just give you more substantive evidence to have the mom evaluated, as well.

Otherwise, I think you're gonna argue a lot and then you're gonna lose time up front, even if you win your motion and the child gets counseling and the report comes back favorable to you -- in the meantime the status quo will have changed and the judge will then decide to leave things alone.

I'm being overly paranoid for you right now. I think you need an expert to testify in your behalf or you're sunk.

However, you're damn good at arguing your positions, so you may be able to convince the judge that you're right. But, by now you should know that my thinking process is always to stay out of the courtroom unless you have a slam dunk, and the only way to get there is with something really credible that will dispose of this teacher's declaration.

Frankly, it's an abortion of due process that these issues get decided on hearsay evidence, but they do, so I'm warning you, the judge could let that report in as a business record, and if so, and you have nothing from some other expert to rebut it, then you'll lose -- even though you might be able to overturn it on appeal, the damage will be done.

Think about it.

[DecentDad]

>>Mom refused to agree to bring child to a therapist a year
>ago
>>when child was very upset (expressed to me) with brand new
>>boyfriend moving into their one-bedroom apartment.
>
>Got any proof of this? I mean if the mother was really
>concerned about the child's mental state, then why wouldn't
>she consent to counseling? That's a good argument, but you'll
>have to have something more than your saying it's true.

I have an email from her at the time denying that the boyfriend was there and that child doesn't need counseling.  8 months later she declared (response) that yes the boyfriend had moved in while he was homeless for a few weeks, but child really liked him in the home.  It occurred January 2005, ancient history, no longer relevant except to show mother's refusal to get a qualified therapist.

My argument is that she refused to get counseling because she was denying (at the time) that boyfriend lived there, and a therapist meeting with child would confirm it and confirm child was extremely upset.

I have no idea where this boyfriend is now.  He came and went within 2 months.


>Anyone else who thinks the mom is nuttier than a fruitcake and
>who's not a close friend or family member, who would be
>willing to testify? Daycare provider, or someone who sees mom
>on a routine basis?

Your memory is a tad off on on the contact she made with the temple.  She called with probing questions, but has not yet shown up.

Preschool director discussed it with me routinely, but refused time and time again to get involved with litigation.  Director just reported things to me, staying focused on trying to help the child.

My primary argument for psych eval is, "Mother is making up many medical diagnoses and medical problems that have never been confirmed by any doctor.  The evaluator dismissed most of them.  The prior judge on this case has dismissed all of them as unfounded.  The mother's constantly repeated allegations of non-existent medical issues, now presented with words of desperation previously not seen, has me seriously concerned that the prior diagnosis of her mental health has deteriorated even further and mother may take drastic action based on delusions that would not be in child's best interest."


>Otherwise, I think you're gonna argue a lot and then you're
>gonna lose time up front, even if you win your motion and the
>child gets counseling and the report comes back favorable to
>you -- in the meantime the status quo will have changed and
>the judge will then decide to leave things alone.

I sent you the August OSC previously.  You were extremely concerned back then because it made me sound like a monster (as does this one).  I rebutted point-by-point, and judge denied the OSC to change custody and denied OSC to terminate overnights.

I'm trying to emphasize to you that the current OSC is the exact same unsupported rantings as contained in August OSC, and the only new piece is this teacher's note.

I can kill 95% of it again with FACT-based evidence (same as before), showing huge lack of credibility on mom's part.

The teacher's note says, 1) child said she didn't want to go to my home because of monsters in closet, 2) child doesn't think I believe the monsters, 3) child said she can't take any security objects to my home because I won't allow them, and 4) she was asked to document said conversation.

My response (until I get more):

A) I can show emails I wrote to mother saying that she forgot to pack child's bunny and blanket... indicating I want child to have her security objects.  I have never withheld any security objects, so I don't understand it.  Only explanation I have is that child is being coached to say things that mother has been claiming for years.

B) Neither mother nor teacher informed me of what child said.  If true concern was for child, why wouldn't the father be informed to help comfort/assure the child about monsters in the closet?!  Instead, the first I saw of it was in court yesterday.  Mother is using child to litigate, rather than truly help.

C) Teacher wrote me a friendly email three days after her declaration.  She mentioned that she missed me on Friday afternoon (i.e., when I picked up child).  If she was so concerned about child, why wouldn't she be there to make sure child is okay with me?!

D) The school has a counselor.  To my knowledge, child has never been referred to the school counselor.  If teacher was so concerned, why not?

E) I've never had any negative incident with the teacher.  Mother is teacher's room helper.  If I can't get teacher's help on this (see below), I'd argue that they're friends and this is not an unbiased person, let alone the hearsay.


>I'm being overly paranoid for you right now. I think you need
>an expert to testify in your behalf or you're sunk.

Is P.I. testifying to calm, peaceful overnights the cheapest, most convincing and straightest-shot route?  I know I can nail that.  Therapists... pick the wrong one and it gets even worse.

>However, you're damn good at arguing your positions, so you
>may be able to convince the judge that you're right.

I learned a long time ago from my favorite anonymous attorney that anything can happen in court.  All I can do is my best.  :)

I'm going to order a rush on the court transcript and have already requested a meeting with teacher and principal to show how teacher's declaration is being used and completely misrepresented (i.e., attorney said teacher believes many horrible things that were not contained in the dec).  I don't know if principal is aware this was written-- she's seasoned, and the school's handbook even says they won't get involved with divorce issues.  At best, teacher will write me a dec to straighten out this mess that she may have unwittingly created (she's a young teacher) by saying she's never noticed child distressed upon return from my care.

At worst, she's writes a new dec saying that I've now threatened their lives and exposed myself while meeting with them.  This is a Catholic school that supposedly stands on principles, so I'm going to hope this teacher didn't know the chaos this note would create and will suddenly realize that she was used and manipulated.  People don't like that.

I know the risk, but if I can get a dec clarifying teacher's intent and indicate it was an isolated incident, I imagine we're done.

Restating my questions...

1.  Do you think P.I. videotaping bedtime for 3 days in a row is quickest, least risky, best bang-for-buck to show child has no anxiety at bedtime?

2.  It has been my experience that when overwhelmed from both sides, judges may just throw everything out.  Do you buy the strategy that if I can get the court to even raise his eyebrows at mom's mental health issue, and/or order the psych eval, judge is less likely to change status quo in 2 weeks?  And if outcome of mom's eval is "kooky but not dangerous", this whole mess is long behind us anyway.

[DecentDad]

At Sunday school for Yom Kippur 2005, the kids were instructed to write/draw one or two things for which they felt sorry.

When my daughter walked out, she showed us her two drawings, and words that were written (by the teacher) on her behalf.

The first drawing was titled, "I'm sorry for hitting my mom."

The second drawing was title, "I am sorry for saying bad words to my mom."

The drawing is signed by child.

At the time, we talked a bit about repentance, and I encouraged child to talk to mother.  Mother has never seen it, as child didn't want to show it to mother.

I may be able to get a declaration from Sunday school teacher that this is what child dictated.

If teacher testimony is valid, this would seriously suggest that all is not well in the land of biomom; that she's having struggles as a parent.

Again... this is about as serious as bad monsters in a closet, and there's no action that I'd expect to come from it.

So, both teachers' declarations get entered as evidence, or both dismissed for hearsay.

Only downside that I see is that mother will confront child on these.

But I'd sooner have that then a less strong case against what mother is requesting.

Thoughts?

[socrateaser]

>My response (until I get more):
>
>A) I can show emails I wrote to mother saying that she forgot
>to pack child's bunny and blanket... indicating I want child
>to have her security objects.  I have never withheld any
>security objects, so I don't understand it.  Only explanation
>I have is that child is being coached to say things that
>mother has been claiming for years.

Did mother respond to any of these emails and actually mention the security items? If so, then the response proves that the emails were sent and that makes them very good for your case to show something that completely contradicts mother's contentions and which the mother actually knew about in advance.

This could crush her case.

>
>B) Neither mother nor teacher informed me of what child said.
>If true concern was for child, why wouldn't the father be
>informed to help comfort/assure the child about monsters in
>the closet?!  Instead, the first I saw of it was in court
>yesterday.  Mother is using child to litigate, rather than
>truly help.

True, but not particularly probative.

>
>C) Teacher wrote me a friendly email three days after her
>declaration.  She mentioned that she missed me on Friday
>afternoon (i.e., when I picked up child).  If she was so
>concerned about child, why wouldn't she be there to make sure
>child is okay with me?!

Interesting; suggests tha teacher may have been feeling GUILTY for doing something she should have done, and she was testing the waters to see if you were pissed off. Could be if you play the sad parent with her, that she may suddenly see the error of her ways and give you a clean bill of health.

>
>D) The school has a counselor.  To my knowledge, child has
>never been referred to the school counselor.  If teacher was
>so concerned, why not?

Good question. But, only to the teacher, when she's on the stand, and that's not gonna happen at your next hearing, unless you subpoena her to testify, which I wouldn't do until I was damn certain as to what she might say.

Ordinarily, the court wouldn't let the teacher testify at this next hearing. But, if she were to be subpoenaed on the grounds that her declaration is the ONLY difference in mom's declaration from previous, then I don't see how the judge would not want the real testimony instead of the hearsay. Once again, tho, if teach is gonna scuttle your ship, you don't want her to appear -- so you need to talk to her and get a different declaration out of her, either way.

>E) I've never had any negative incident with the teacher.
>Mother is teacher's room helper.  If I can't get teacher's
>help on this (see below), I'd argue that they're friends and
>this is not an unbiased person, let alone the hearsay.

BIG mistake to try to make the teacher out to be the bad egg. That will give her energy to want to testify against you. You want the teacher to feel bad about the entire thing and recognize on her own that she was manipulated by mom -- or, you want the teacher far far away from court.

>Is P.I. testifying to calm, peaceful overnights the cheapest,
>most convincing and straightest-shot route?  I know I can nail
>that.  Therapists... pick the wrong one and it gets even
>worse.

True. Therapist is best, but PI is pretty good (actually friendly teacher with changed testimony is best; polygraph if you could get it in is probably 2nd best; those emails if responded to could be excellent).

>
>I know the risk, but if I can get a dec clarifying teacher's
>intent and indicate it was an isolated incident, I imagine
>we're done.

Maybe...judges are not predictable.

>Restating my questions...
>
>1.  Do you think P.I. videotaping bedtime for 3 days in a row
>is quickest, least risky, best bang-for-buck to show child has
>no anxiety at bedtime?

See above.
>
>2.  It has been my experience that when overwhelmed from both
>sides, judges may just throw everything out.  Do you buy the
>strategy that if I can get the court to even raise his
>eyebrows at mom's mental health issue, and/or order the psych
>eval, judge is less likely to change status quo in 2 weeks?
>And if outcome of mom's eval is "kooky but not dangerous",
>this whole mess is long behind us anyway.

I don't know. The only way to get a clue about what the judge will do is to spend a day in the courtroom observing the judge and his/her rulings. Otherwise, it's a crap shoot. Custody/parenting is all smoke and mirrors. No one can predict the future, and judges are usually guessing unless there's a weapon with the victim's blood and the defendant's fingerprints.

[socrateaser]

>At Sunday school for Yom Kippur 2005, the kids were
>instructed to write/draw one or two things for which they felt
>sorry.
>
>When my daughter walked out, she showed us her two drawings,
>and words that were written (by the teacher) on her behalf.
>
>The first drawing was titled, "I'm sorry for hitting my mom."
>
>The second drawing was title, "I am sorry for saying bad words
>to my mom."
>
>The drawing is signed by child.
>
>At the time, we talked a bit about repentance, and I
>encouraged child to talk to mother.  Mother has never seen it,
>as child didn't want to show it to mother.
>
>I may be able to get a declaration from Sunday school teacher
>that this is what child dictated.
>
>If teacher testimony is valid, this would seriously suggest
>that all is not well in the land of biomom; that she's having
>struggles as a parent.
>
>Again... this is about as serious as bad monsters in a closet,
>and there's no action that I'd expect to come from it.
>
>So, both teachers' declarations get entered as evidence, or
>both dismissed for hearsay.
>
>Only downside that I see is that mother will confront child on
>these.
>
>But I'd sooner have that then a less strong case against what
>mother is requesting.
>
>Thoughts?

My first thought was that it just makes the bond look stronger with mom than with dad. But, on reflection, it could be easily argued that it shows that mom isn't having a field day with daughter and suggests that no changes should be made until the child is evaluated. So, if that's where you're going, I think that would be something that the judge could cling to and thereby avoid any ruling until a therapist gets a chance to weigh in.

Make certain that the declaration states that the teacher wrote the child's words down contemporaneously with and exactly as spoken by the child.

[DecentDad]

Okay, thanks very much on everything.  Here are the emails I have about the security object thing.

Dec 2005 events:

I WROTE...
"...Also, CHILD's bunny and blanket was not packed for her this evening.  Please drop off these items in front of my front door this evening ASAP."  I left her a voicemail for same at 6pm.

SHE WROTE...
"I left you a message on your cel (your home line is busy).  I let you know that I'll bring CHILD's sweatshirt to school tomorrow morning before school begins. It will be in the schoolr's office.

I WROTE BACK (to ensure this wasn't a set-up to blame me for something she's accused many times)...
"It's my understanding that you didn't find it necessary that Anya have her bunny and blanket with her in my home this evening, as you chose not to pack it or bring it to my home."

SHE WROTE BACK
"Your understanding is not correct. CHILD will tell us if she doesn't want her bunny or blanket. I didn't choose not to pack it.  You left me a voice mail message last night after CHILD's bedtime (which I received around 9:00 p.m.) You told me that you felt that CHILD's blanket and bunny was not important last night, but that you needed her sweatshirt for today."


Her last email is nonsense, though it indicates her belief that child is able to fall asleep fine without the objects (and won't wake up at all during the night and need them).  She may not have checked her email or voicemail until 9pm, but I attempted to notify her when I discovered the objects not in the bag at 6pm.  I said no such thing on her voicemail.

I also have a Feb 2006 thread advising her that we accidentally left the objects at a hotel because daughter left them under the covers in her bed (we forgot to check), and that the hotel is shipping them to us.  She wrote back several times about it, wanting to know when the items would arrive (it took 3 days to arrive, and I drove them to her home as soon as they came).

This is all ridiculous.  But, does the above exchange impeach mom's claim that I refuse to give child security objects?!  And partially impeach what child voiced to teacher?

[socrateaser]

>Okay, thanks very much on everything.  Here are the emails I
>have about the security object thing.
>
>Dec 2005 events:
>
>I WROTE...
>"...Also, CHILD's bunny and blanket was not packed for her
>this evening.  Please drop off these items in front of my
>front door this evening ASAP."  I left her a voicemail for
>same at 6pm.
>
>SHE WROTE...
>"I left you a message on your cel (your home line is busy).  I
>let you know that I'll bring CHILD's sweatshirt to school
>tomorrow morning before school begins. It will be in the
>schoolr's office.
>
>I WROTE BACK (to ensure this wasn't a set-up to blame me for
>something she's accused many times)...
>"It's my understanding that you didn't find it necessary that
>Anya have her bunny and blanket with her in my home this
>evening, as you chose not to pack it or bring it to my home."
>
>SHE WROTE BACK
>"Your understanding is not correct. CHILD will tell us if she
>doesn't want her bunny or blanket. I didn't choose not to pack
>it.  You left me a voice mail message last night after CHILD's
>bedtime (which I received around 9:00 p.m.) You told me that
>you felt that CHILD's blanket and bunny was not important last
>night, but that you needed her sweatshirt for today."
>
>
>Her last email is nonsense, though it indicates her belief
>that child is able to fall asleep fine without the objects
>(and won't wake up at all during the night and need them).
>She may not have checked her email or voicemail until 9pm, but
>I attempted to notify her when I discovered the objects not in
>the bag at 6pm.  I said no such thing on her voicemail.
>
>I also have a Feb 2006 thread advising her that we
>accidentally left the objects at a hotel because daughter left
>them under the covers in her bed (we forgot to check), and
>that the hotel is shipping them to us.  She wrote back several
>times about it, wanting to know when the items would arrive
>(it took 3 days to arrive, and I drove them to her home as
>soon as they came).
>
>This is all ridiculous.  But, does the above exchange impeach
>mom's claim that I refuse to give child security objects?!
>And partially impeach what child voiced to teacher?

OK, the exchange could be read as you being concerned or you being unconcerned, or her being obstinate and uncooperative. If I were judge, my reaction would be: "Ahhh (lightblub), this is the hot button and has been for a long time. But, I can't tell who's full of shit from this, so they're both probably misrepresenting the facts. So, now I'm gonna put a stop to it and order the child's security items to go with her on every exchange, and if I hear different, both parents will exchange weekends doing community service."

So, what I would do if I were you would be to take the high road. You want to introduce the evidence, not to demonstrate that the mom is misrepresenting the facts or that you don't have a problem with the kid's security items, but rather to simply show that this has been a hot button issue for a long time, and that you don't honestly know how to get it off the table, so you would appreciate the judge's assistance.

Now, I, as judge think, "Shit, he brought the emails in, and he knows it could sink his ship, but he's concerned for the child's welfare. So, let's see how the mom interprets this stuff."

Then, if mom starts wailing on you, then I think, "Psycho-paranoid woman with separation anxiety problem." And, if she doesn't, then I'm thinking, "OK, so what are we doing here? Case dismissed."

Either way, I think you could make this a winner -- unless the judge is hugely biased against men in general -- which is always possible.