Criminal?

[Dadxl5]

Dear Socrateaser,
   How do I provide you with case facts without jeopardizing attorney/client et al?
Thanks.
Mike

[socrateaser]

If you believe that you may be subject to criminal prosecution for an act already done, or you contemplate an act that you reasonably believe may incurr criminal liabilty, then you may email me at [email protected] with your facts, and then post here stating that you have done so.

[Dadxl5]

My kingdom for a child of five!

Thank you for your prompt reply.  I have not committed any act for which I will or may be prosecuted, nor do I contemplate any such act.  My question is about protecting any and all rights my child and I do or may have, before I state any facts of the case.  The question regarding criminal behavior is relevant to my ex's actions.

Failure to comply with a court order, is, I believe a criminal act subject to findings of contempt of court.  

Child abuse (emotional, psychological and social) is also subject to prosecution but I don't know what to do.

I cannot afford an attorney.  My child's health and academic standing (he's 12 now) are failing and she is deteriorating emotionally and psychologically.  

My ex in my opinion, is suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder and is deteriorating.  I know that this disorder is difficult to diagnose in a short period of time (per custody evaluations or Child Protective Services).  

Are you the person I can begin this process with?  Is there a direction you suggest I proceed in?  

Again, thanks for your help.
Mike

[socrateaser]

>My kingdom for a child of five!
>
>Thank you for your prompt reply.  I have not committed any act
>for which I will or may be prosecuted, nor do I contemplate
>any such act.  My question is about protecting any and all
>rights my child and I do or may have, before I state any facts
>of the case.  The question regarding criminal behavior is
>relevant to my ex's actions.
>
>Failure to comply with a court order, is, I believe a criminal
>act subject to findings of contempt of court.  
>
>Child abuse (emotional, psychological and social) is also
>subject to prosecution but I don't know what to do.
>
>I cannot afford an attorney.  My child's health and academic
>standing (he's 12 now) are failing and she is deteriorating
>emotionally and psychologically.  
>
>My ex in my opinion, is suffering from Borderline Personality
>Disorder and is deteriorating.  I know that this disorder is
>difficult to diagnose in a short period of time (per custody
>evaluations or Child Protective Services).  
>
>Are you the person I can begin this process with?  Is there a
>direction you suggest I proceed in?  
>
>Again, thanks for your help.
>Mike

If you want me to help sort out the situation, then climb off the horse. If you diagnose and comment about what you know of the law, rather than tell me the facts of the case and let me analyze and draw my own legal conclusions, then I will never be able to help you, because I will not be able to assess how a judge would reasonably view your circumstances so as to make a ruling.

From what you've stated thus far, you believe that your child is in some emotional distress. If you have no money, then you have few options, because unless the other parent does some overt act against the child's interests, like theft or drugs, or abuse, that you can prove with objective evidence, then you will not get anywhere in court.

If you had any money, I would suggest having the child evaluated by a child psychologist to determine his/her mental state and then submit that evaluation to the court with a motion to modify custody/parenting.

But, if you can't afford to do that, then you will have to watch and wait for something that a court can sink its teeth into. If the child's grades are steadily decreasing, and you were to get a teacher or a counselor at school to suggest that something was wrong at home, then the report cards plus the counselor's expert opinion might give you what you need.

So, think about what you can prove with objective evidence and testimony (other than your personal opinion, to which the court will give zero weight), and then let us know.

[Dadxl5]

Sorry.

Drugs are involved also.  I have kept a detailed log for several years.  She appears to be addicted to some kind of narcotic.  She says it's for pain from a number of things.  This addiction has lasted at least two years.  She even spent 3 weeks in the hospital last summer in an attempt to get off of them.  

On a number of occasions over the last 8 months, I have observed her driving around with both our son and her new daughter in the car and she is clearly under the influence.  I've brought my concern up to her as gently as possible three times, but she becomes enraged and throws it back in my face.  I've also read somewhere that it can't be proven.  

I have also been told I can't prove the emotional abuse either.  But I do log my observations.  I can however, document the decline in his grades and conduct at school.  

Can you tell me if my logs are useable in court?  And how do I protect them?  

Here are some facts, the best I can lay them out:

Jurisdiction is Los Angeles, CA.
We weren't married.  Child, one boy, now 12.
in 2000, the Mother stopped visitation.  An Order to Show Cause was filed with an Ex Parte to re-establish visitation.  Which the judge did, but they (mother and her attorney - who, by the way, was a friend of the family who was my attorney of record before the I.R.S. the day they showed up in Family Court for this Ex Parte hearing) said only if it was monitored, which the judge agreed to.

The next hearing (in 6 weeks) they came back and alleged sexual abuse of our son and physical abuse of the mother.  The judge ordered a fast track and our son said I had thrown a telephone at the wall.   The sexual and physical abuse allegations were unsubstantiated, but the judge continued the monitored visitations till the full custody evaluation could be finished.  

The full eval determined that no abuse was taking place.  She described the case as "high conflict" and recommended gradually increased visitation with an end to monitored visits within 6 months.  

At that time, (during that hearing, they submitted into evidence, a letter purported to be from the Visitation Monitor, critcizing my behaviors with my son.  In my opinion, the letter was composed by her attorney and in my mind, without a doubt, signed by her)  a new order was issued granting Joint Legal Custody, with Primary Residence to be with the mother.  The schedule at that time was Wed. 4pm to 8pm, alternating weekends from Fri 4pm to Sunday 5pm.  So I let the letter go.  By this time, my attorney had quit.  Her attorney was constantly threatening him and creating a ton of make-work.  (Her attorney is a business-law attorney)

The mother was ordered to have our son call me Mon between 6:00 and 6:30 for a 20 min. call.  Also on alternating Fridays (same time) and alternating Saturdays at 9:00 am.  

2 or 3 years ago, the visit schedule was expanded (out of court) to Wednesdays overnight and I drop him off at school.  (we live 30 miles away from each other now)

18 months ago, it was expanded (out of court) again.  I pick him up Mondays from school, take him to his mother's house and do his homework with him in his bedroom.  Then at the beginning of the school year, we expanded the phone calls to include Tuesdays at 4:30, he calls me and we do his homework together.  Thursdays, same time, same thing.

The mother and her new husband both have 3 mental health professionals each that they see regularly.  Over the last 8 months, the mother seems to have deteriorated more and more.  She appears to be under the influence more and more often, she resorts to rage with very little provocation and she completely took over our son's homework/schoolwork in February.  

She said she wanted to be more involved in November.   She stopped the Tuesday and Thursday calls.  But he wasn't getting his homework done on those nights.  That's when his grades started to slip.  Three weeks ago, the mother, her husband and I went to see our son's therapist.  She told the mother that he's suffering from a lack of structure and consistency, from adjustment problems (the relationship with the step-father was badly started) and the arrival of the new baby (now 3).  Since then, the mother disappears where I'm concerned.  She doesn't return my calls, she's very sarcastic and hurtful during her long lectures of our son and avoids me like the plague.

When she took over completely, his grades dropped all the way to 3 F's and several conduct issues started to develop.

Last week during our son's Spring Break, she refused the Friday and Saturday calls.  (They haven't been made for about 10 weeks now) She refused to return my calls (one per day til Monday) either to arrange a schedule for the week or to do make up calls (per the court order) Then she informed me last minute before the Wednesday visit, that she has scheduled an appointment for him Wednesday afternoon as well as Thursday afternoon, so our son needs to come back Thursday at noon.  And that I don't get him Friday because she's scheduled something for the family.  They'll drop him off Saturday morning (they never transport him for visits.)

They never dropped him off or called either.  So I get him, we have one day for the weekend.

Monday, just before I leave to get him from school, I get her email saying she's cancelling the Monday homework thing and that because of my "somewhat violent outbursts", she's going to keep it that way until I "improve your time here."  There haven't been outbursts of any kind, violent or otherwise.

When I asked you about criminal, it's because there seems to be a real need to ask the court for help in enforcing this order.  But what she did to our son and I then, what's she's done since and what I'm concerned she'll do if I finally put my foot down makes me wonder if what she's been doing really is criminal and how do I begin to build something the court can indeed, "sink it's teeth into."

I have been disabled (4 ruptured, protruding disks, depression and PTSD) under Social Security since 2003.  Part of my benefits ($  950.00/month) are paid directly to the mother on his behalf.  I have never missed a call or a visit.  Our son is deeply frightened of his mother's emotional instability.  He says he would like to live here but he's afraid to say anything because of her rage.  

Any help you might give would be deeply appreciated.

Thank you again.

Mike

[socrateaser]

I'm assuming your court orders provide for sole custody in mother and visitation for you, rather than joint custody with parenting time allocated.

If you had been recording the sessions with your kid on a dictation recorder, and whenever you were talking to the mother, at her home, you could have used that as evidence to prove that her allegations are false.

It's not clear that you have any proof that the mother is refusing to follow the plan, other than your own testimony. Your logs, without something more, have no coroboration, so they'll be tough to get the court to give them much weight.

I think, frankly, that what you must do, is talk to the teachers at his school about his failing grades and try to get something in writing that suggests something in the child's home life is causing his failures in school. Then you can file a motion to modify visitation on grounds that the child is doing poorly and ask the court to order the child evaluated by a therapist. And, if the report comes back negative, then you will be able to move for a custody modification, on grounds that there has been a substantial change in circumstances.

As far as the drug addiction stuff goes, I'm not seeing any objective proof -- it's all just your say so, which isn't worth anything. If you can get one of her neighbors or friends or relatives to testify to the drug use, then you might have something useful. At the moment, however, this is a dead end.

[Dadxl5]

Thanks again Socrateaser.

The Order is for Joint Legal Custody.  Primary residence with Mother.  Additionally, Mother holds Unilateral Decision making authority regarding school and health.

I think I understand what you're referring to about something that can be useful as evidence.  I'll try to look around and learn how to develop evidence that can actually be used.  Any suggestions?

If her mental health is worsening, is there a way to track or record that in a way that the courts can attribute some weight to?

[socrateaser]

>Thanks again Socrateaser.
>
>The Order is for Joint Legal Custody.  Primary residence with
>Mother.  Additionally, Mother holds Unilateral Decision making
>authority regarding school and health.

That's a bizarre order. Joint Legal Custody implies joint decision making authority. If you have no authority re school and health, then all that's left is authority for general welfare not related to school or health, i.e., protection from danger or relocation. Anyway, I've never seen an order like this, but obviously some judge thought it was a good idea.

>I think I understand what you're referring to about something
>that can be useful as evidence.  I'll try to look around and
>learn how to develop evidence that can actually be used.  Any
>suggestions?

You can record the other parent on audio or video, but she must know that she's being recorded, which means that you can either serve her a blanket notice stating your intention to record her and the child without further notice (sometimes highly inflammatory and may cause her to refuse custody even more than otherwise), or you can just carry a microcassette recorder with you and if you find yourself in an adversarial situation, then you pull it out, flip it on and tell her that you feel obliged to record your conversation -- and then do just that.

The latter situation may result in your being attacked to get the recorder away from you, but, hey there's a risk in everything, and if it actually did result in that and you were able to hang on to the recorder, well then you'd have your evidence, now wouldn't cha?

Other than recording her conversations with you, I can't think of anything.

When the child is 13-14, his testimony re where he wishes to reside will carry significant weight. 12 is borderline.

>
>If her mental health is worsening, is there a way to track or
>record that in a way that the courts can attribute some weight
>to?

See above.

[Dadxl5]

Look,
   I've taken a beating from this nutjob for a very long time and I've watched a wonderful little boy struggle to grow up under this constant onslaught.  You've presented yourself as a knowledgeable and caring person and without doubt, I do appreciate your time and effort.  But if you're so tired of watching this parade of misery that you can't contain your sarcasm, I suggest you get your a** off this board.

   The judge apparently thought it was a good idea because of the flood of bulls*** he got from her and her moron attorney.  They manufactured evidence, submitted statements from 4 other nutjobs and astoundingly enough, managed to create enough prejudice during the initial stages of the proceedings that crawling out from under it cost me everything I have.

   For the last 7 years, I have watched her isolate this boy as well as her new husband, berate them to the point where they struggle to remember their own names and get away with chronic disregard for the very specific details of this order.

Her allegations devastated me emotionally, financially and socially.  My reputation is ruined in this town and so is my health.  I do not miss any opportunity to support this child in any way and we need help putting salt on this bird's tail.  

Thanks for your help Socco.  And may I add your moniker's got a bit more than just a little hubris attached.

[socrateaser]

>Look,
>   I've taken a beating from this nutjob for a very long time
>and I've watched a wonderful little boy struggle to grow up
>under this constant onslaught.  You've presented yourself as a
>knowledgeable and caring person and without doubt, I do
>appreciate your time and effort.  But if you're so tired of
>watching this parade of misery that you can't contain your
>sarcasm, I suggest you get your a** off this board.
>
>   The judge apparently thought it was a good idea because of
>the flood of bulls*** he got from her and her moron attorney.
>They manufactured evidence, submitted statements from 4 other
>nutjobs and astoundingly enough, managed to create enough
>prejudice during the initial stages of the proceedings that
>crawling out from under it cost me everything I have.
>
>   For the last 7 years, I have watched her isolate this boy
>as well as her new husband, berate them to the point where
>they struggle to remember their own names and get away with
>chronic disregard for the very specific details of this
>order.
>
>Her allegations devastated me emotionally, financially and
>socially.  My reputation is ruined in this town and so is my
>health.  I do not miss any opportunity to support this child
>in any way and we need help putting salt on this bird's tail.
>
>
>Thanks for your help Socco.  And may I add your moniker's got
>a bit more than just a little hubris attached.

Your anger and hostility is duly noted. It will serve you poorly. I have not attempted any sarcasm -- I am just telling you "like it is." You may wish that the system be different than it is, but it's not, and until you start to think like a lawyer, you will get beaten by the system, especially when you are being faced by a professional litigator, which is what you state in your posts.

If you think I take pleasure in making fun of the posters here or giving them bad advice, then I suggest that you ask the other posters directly. More to the point I will now offer anyone who wishes an opportunity to either vent on me without fear of any written reprisal or to give me credit for my assistance.

I don't take complaints lightly, because if the public believes that I am doing a public disservice here, then I will stop doing it.