Mother interfering with communication

[c_alexander]

I have required our 9 yuear odl daughter to write 2 letters a week (one to me and one to another family member) since her move to Denver from Indiana last year. Since the move I have recieved perhaps a dozen letters. Being over 1000 miles away I am unable to properly discipline our daughter for not writing, and have had to rely on my ex wife to this task, however she has decided not to. Her logic is that if she forces oyur daughter to write that our daughter will hate her for it. Some brilliant logic there huh?
Anyway our daughter jessie told me this week that she HAS in fact been writing for the last several weeks butthat her mother has not been mailing the letter. Oncemore, I even went so far as to send preaddressed envelopes and stamps to jessie so that she would not have to rely on her mom at all to mail the letters, but apparently my ex wife will not allow Jessie to have these envelopes or stamps...completely defeating the purpose i sent them.  The only thing included in the divorce decree is unlimited e-mail access to Jessie, however that too has been spuratic at best, and has pretty much stopped once again because my ex wife will not enforce or encourage ANY kind of contact between Jessie and I.
Truly how difficult is it to prove this to a conservative judge in southern Indiana? If I file contemp charges will it break me like the oterh court battles did or would it be beneficial to show a court what has been going on? I have complete tape recorded and e-mail documentation...including recorded phone calls in which she even admits to doing this. Anyone have any input?

[joni]

I fear that after six months, Colorado may be the new jurisdiction in regards to child disputes so it may not be as simple as to find a southern Indiana judge to handle this for you.  Was there something in your divorce decree to keep the jurisdiction in Indiana for X amount of time?  

Personally, I would pursue it.  You have to lie down to be a doormat.  If you're entitled to this correspondance and your Ex agreed to it, she should be held to it.  Especially at this time, I'm sure your daughter misses you dreadfully and would really relish any sort of contact with you.  

It's a shame that mom sees fit to do this.

[reagantrooper]

Why not drop the 2 letter a week rule and talk to her several times a week by phone?

[MixedBag]

You can only go by what's in your court order.  If it doesn't address written letters and DOES address unlimited e-mail access, IMHO, you aren't gonna get far with regards to the letters.

BUT BM doesn't have e-mail set up for you two to use, so that's the route you go.

[joni]

true, follow the court order.  you'd have proof of sending emails that are read but never replied to.  There's a program you can attach to your email's that verify if the emails that you're sending your daughter are read.

http://www.didtheyreadit.com/

[c_alexander]

Well, we WERE doing the weekly e-mails, but not everyone has e-mail, so Jessie can't write everyone. also Jessi ewas the one that wanted to write regular mails rather than e-mails. If I am supplying the envelopes and stamps I don't see what the difference is. The reason that we write the letters is because I work 2nd shift and can't call my daughter during the week. I DO have 1 court ordered phone call per week...sunday nights at 7pm, however these calls are almost always late, there have been several instances where they were missed all together, and a majority of the time my ex wife schedules major activities around the same time as the phone call so that our 9 year old is distracted. I have offered to change the time of this phone call so that it might be better for her schedule, but she has only taken me up on this offer a few times in the last year.

[DecentDad]

If email works the best, then just do email.

If there are family members without email, she can just write them to you, you can print them out and give to family members.

Document all the interference you're getting on correspondence and phone.

Keep your eye on the big picture-- move your butt to CO ASAP, and don't waste energy/resources on short-term annoyances that will no be an issue when you move there.

DD

[joni]

DecentDad gave good advice about printing out emails for those without computers.  Further, I appreciate that you're a very logical and rational person of common sense dealing with an irrational person (your Ex) who sabotages all your good efforts.  Aren't we all?

My concern for you is that you're deviating from the court order.  If you go back to court over this, you stand the chance to lose credibility as well because you didn't follow it.  Keep it simple and go back to basics and something you can hang your hat on later.

[StPaulieGirl]

Did you consider that letter writing is almost a lost art these days?  My kids wouldn't know how to write a decent letter.  Not that I've tried to teacch them.  Thank you notes?  Hahahahaa!   The schools don't teach that anymore.  It's better to ask her to send you and family at least 2 letters a month, with phone calls, photos, and emails, imo.  If mommy dearest has AOL, there is, I believe, parental controls that can suspend delivery until the parent/subscriber can view the email.  

I personally know of a father who deals with this problem.  He has had to adopt the attitude of patience.  If the kids try and call him and say hi, they are severely punished.  The oldest one uses the computer at school when she can to email him.  She's 16 however, not 9.  She's grounded from her friends homes again...basically under house arrest.  Her mother doesn't dare take the chance of requesting that she be banned from the school computers, so there is that small avenue of communication.

I know this doesn't help you much for your situation, but misery likes company....

[c_alexander]

Well, I am trying very hard to work this out with my ex. It is difficult to know who is telling the truth and who is not. On the one hand Jessie our 9 year old is saying she is writing but Mom is not mailing. On the other hand mom mis saying she is mailing once Jessie writes. Being so far away it is hard to tell.

As for getting side tracked, I am trying ot  keep my eye on the big picture and get out to Colorado. I was only wondering if it would even be worth it to pursue this or not....not going nuts or spending a ton of cash, just letting the courts know what is going on.

As for straying from the court order, it was not of my doing. Actually my ex was the one that decided that hand written letters were better than e-mails. In either case the court order states "unlimited e-mail access" but does not go into much more detail then that. Why in the freaking world these judges don't spell things out in black and white is beyond me. Seems like they WANT to promote arguements and disagreements.