Daycare Choice

[dadinva2006]

Dear Soc,

BM took daughter from my home in Jan. where she was living 75% of the time and moved with her 40 miles away. She refused to let me see her and I was finally able to get a temp visitation order for every other weekend. We were never married and there were never any court orders.
I think may be an issue of jeoulousy because I am newly married and have a new son.
I have filed for primary physical and joint legal custody.
When BM moved she put my daughter in a Russian preschool. (this is where her family is from) and stated "me and my mother decided this is best for her". I was not consulted at all. The school is taught entirly in Russian.

My questions are:
1. If I lose my case and am made to pay child support, will I have to pay for part of this?
The reason I question if I would or not is because it is not necessary, I was given no say and it is something her mother and grandmother put her in so she could learn their language.

2. The tuition for this school is extremly high. If I am made to pay child support could I request that she be put in a daycare with a more reasonable tuition rate?

[socrateaser]

>My questions are:
>1. If I lose my case and am made to pay child support, will I
>have to pay for part of this?

No.

>2. The tuition for this school is extremly high. If I am made
>to pay child support could I request that she be put in a
>daycare with a more reasonable tuition rate?

Irrelevant, because you won't be made to pay for the tuition.

[dadinva2006]

sorry to bother you again, but can you be a little more specific.

1. Why would the judge not make me pay?

2. What evidence should I bring because BM is going to argue that since this is daycare while she's at work I should have to pay?

[socrateaser]

>sorry to bother you again, but can you be a little more
>specific.
>
>1. Why would the judge not make me pay?

Support is intended to cover the cost of education unless a public school cannot accomodate the child's special needs. Forcing a child to learn Russian, while living in the U.S. is counterproductive. However, if the school is attempting to teach the child English, and no public school is capable of doing this, then you could be forced to pay for the private education.

If the other parent is attempting to assert that the child can't get an education in public school because the child can't communicate in English, then the solution is not to teach the child solely in Russian, but to get remedial help so as to improve the child's English skills. This would be a limited activity, which could cost extra until the child became sufficient fluent in English. Your goal would be to impress upon the court the fact that the present situation is one where the child will never learn English and will forever be placed at a disadvantage as a result.

>2. What evidence should I bring because BM is going to argue
>that since this is daycare while she's at work I should have
>to pay?

Prove that it's a school. Get literature from the school showing what it does and get literature from a daycare center showing what it does and then contrast the two as to offerings and cost.

You CAN be forced to pay additional support for job related daycare, so if the school is serving both purposes, then you could be reasonably charged with the portion of the cost that you would have had to pay for daycare.

Also, if you can show that the other parent isn't actually working or seeking work or job training, then you wouldn't need to pay for daycare, because daycare must be related to employment or the custodial parent should be caring for the child directly and not using daycare.

Or, if you can show that the parent isn't actually paying for the daycare, because they don't have receipts or the daycare center's tax id, or they didn't declare the daycare payments  on their tax return, that would also negate your duty to pay.

Many foreigners don't bother filing tax returns because they don't understand the duty and are afraid that they will get in more trouble by filing than by not filing, so you may have some leverage here if the other parent states that she is working, but she can't produce a tax return with the daycare provider's id on it.

Of course, if this is the first year that she would be filing a return, then you'll have to wait until next year to get a copy of the tax return before you can make this particular argument. But, I'm letting you know what the argument is in advance, so you won't forget when the time comes.

[dadinva2006]

My daughter has never learned Russian until her mom took her from me in January and enrolled her in this preschool. I have taught my daughter English and Spanish while she was living with me. Her grandmother decided she HAD to learn Russian and convinced my daughter's mom to enroll her in this school. I am concerned because on their website it says that classes are taught ONLY in Russian.
My daughter will be entering kindergarten in a little over a year and if she now is being taught only in Russian and not being exposed to the English language (because now until trial she only gets to see me 4 days a month) then she may not be prepared for school.

1. So if I prove that its a Russian PRESCHOOL taught solely in Russian and not just a regular daycare I may not have to pay? Even if this is used while BM is at work?

2. If I can prove that her grandmother is making most payments and not mother can this help my case as well?

[socrateaser]

>My daughter has never learned Russian until her mom took her
>from me in January and enrolled her in this preschool. I have
>taught my daughter English and Spanish while she was living
>with me. Her grandmother decided she HAD to learn Russian and
>convinced my daughter's mom to enroll her in this school. I am
>concerned because on their website it says that classes are
>taught ONLY in Russian.
>My daughter will be entering kindergarten in a little over a
>year and if she now is being taught only in Russian and not
>being exposed to the English language (because now until trial
>she only gets to see me 4 days a month) then she may not be
>prepared for school.
>
>1. So if I prove that its a Russian PRESCHOOL taught solely in
>Russian and not just a regular daycare I may not have to pay?
>Even if this is used while BM is at work?

You are trying to combine two different issues and you will be unsuccessful if you do.

1. There is the argument that it is not the child's best interest to be placed in a daycare where no language other than Russian is taught, if the child is to successfully assimillated into a public school and U.S. culture. This is a very reasonable argument, unless the mother is planning to return to Russia and that is part of her pleading to the court.

2. There is the argument that this is not a daycare at all, but rather is a school, that it is more expensive than an ordinary daycare, and that you should not be forced to bear the additional cost that would not exist, but for the use of a school as a daycare facility.

You will be ordered to pay something towards daycare if it enables the mother to work or seek work or obtain job training. But, if you can show that the cost of the present daycare is unreasonably great, because it is not actually a daycare, then you may be able to reduce your expense.

>2. If I can prove that her grandmother is making most payments
>and not mother can this help my case as well?

Yes. If someone else is paying for the daycare, then either that amount is income to the custodial parent, which must be included in the calculation of support, or, alternatively, it reduces the parent's cost of daycare. It's not reasonable that you should be forced to pay for something that isn't actually costing the other parent anything.

The objective of support is to provide the child with the standard of living coincident with the parents' station in life, not to provide the other parent with a financial windfall.

[dadinva2006]

Ok, thank you. So you are saying that I should pick one of those two arguments and go with it.
If it looks like the judge is not agreeing with the one I go with (probably #1), then should I also bring up #2?

[socrateaser]

>Ok, thank you. So you are saying that I should pick one of
>those two arguments and go with it.
>If it looks like the judge is not agreeing with the one I go
>with (probably #1), then should I also bring up #2?

No, I'm saying that both arguments are equally valid but separate, so argue both if you can prove them.

[dadinva2006]

Would it also help to point out that my daughter already has grammer issues and her not being able to practice the english language and learn it better will out her at a disagvantage in public school?

[socrateaser]

>Would it also help to point out that my daughter already has
>grammer issues and her not being able to practice the english
>language and learn it better will out her at a disagvantage in
>public school?

You're asking too many questions. write out your argument and try to see if you have evidence to support it. then ask yourself if you read it and you knew nothing about the person who was offering it to you for a decision, whether you would agree. if you agree, then you have a case. otherwise, you don't.