Should we report to evaluator??

[Cookiemomma4]

All parties are in PA.  Temp order was put in place by the custody master.  Home evaluation court ordered through the County Children and Youth offices.  Both parties have met with the evaluator and are awaiting her written recommendations before proceeding to trial or private mediation.  

You may recall that there is an issue of medical neglect in our case in which custodial parent did not act to care for child's dental issues until Children and Youth was involved in the case nor was the child taken to the doctor for over 8 months by custodial parent (again, until children and youth was brought into the equation).  There is also an issue of child not being provided with fitting clothing ect in the custodial parents home (custodial parent has blamed this on lack of cash dispite child support being paid on time).

Children and Youth has apparently ended their investigation, but that is another story, and CP has since stopped taking the child to the doc again.  We have had her there 2x in the past month (05/20 and 06/03) during our limited weekend time.  Both times she had an upper resp infection again.  Custodial parent has not taken her for follow-up visits.

Custodial parent's job was terminated last week.  We do not know all of the details although the place of employment was closed (something about an FDIC violation and custodial parent was the manager).  Custodial parent is doing everything possible to hide this from us.

Child had a dental appt yesterday that was made by the custodial parent.  This was an appt to have some teeth filled which is a pressing issue because ear nose and throat doc will not treat the child until the majority of dental work is taken care of as to not open the child up to more infections (he believes tonsils need to be removed ASAP due to severe scarring and reaccuring infections ect).  Custodial parent didn't advise the non-custodial parent about the appt but we have been in close contact with the dental office.  Appt was missed- no call, no show.

My question?
Would it be appropriate or expected for us to call the evaluator and tell her about the current situation and the things that have happened since she has met with both households?

[socrateaser]

>My question?
>Would it be appropriate or expected for us to call the
>evaluator and tell her about the current situation and the
>things that have happened since she has met with both
>households?

Depends on your relationship with the evaluator and whether or not you can act like this is not about your getting custody, but rather only about your concern for the child's welfare.

If you start ragging on the CP, the evaluator will think you're trying some last ditch effort to manipulate her, and that will work against you.

[Cookiemomma4]

I guess I don't understand how to state it then because it is about us getting custody for the child's welfare if that makes sense.  In my mind, if it is not about custody then there is no need to report it as the evaluator can't act of it, she simply evaluates the situation.  Am I wrong?

[socrateaser]

>I guess I don't understand how to state it then because it is
>about us getting custody for the child's welfare if that makes
>sense.  In my mind, if it is not about custody then there is
>no need to report it as the evaluator can't act of it, she
>simply evaluates the situation.  Am I wrong?

There is no "wrong," or right. There is only winning and losing. You must figure out the approach that will gain the evaluator's ear without appearing to be trying to "get" custody. As soon as you try to make it "all about you," that's when you will be viewed as a troublemaker.

It has to be about the child, or you're just gonna shoot yourself in the foot. Example:

"Hi, this is X, parent of C. How are you? Good. I'm calling because I want to express my concern over the fact that the child has missed a number of healthcare appointments during the past ____ weeks. Also, the child has _____.

I have tried to cooperate to get C's needs taken care of, but nothing seems to work, so I'm wondering if you can offer some advice or suggest a course of action that would help. I don't want to be viewed as hostile or vindictive, I just want to get C the care he/she needs."

There are other parents on this board who have similar situations and who have managed to find a way to prevail without becoming a bad actor. Maybe some of them will read this and contact you with some real world examples of how they have gained a receptive ear from an evaluator or GAL.