Unweb Father Needs Help

[Bolivar]

I know how you feel papaalex2003  - confused, angry, ....... the list goes on.

You are asking Great questions.  Keep asking.

The first area to try to understand is "what do the courts consider important".  This is an ongoing learning experience.

[font size="+2] this site has GREAT info!!  Read all you can to discover what the courts consider important!! [/font]

Plus others on this site can help with ideas for your case.  DecentDad and others have started a good foundation.  Keep visiting this site and reading posts, it helps tremendously in the learning process.

*> Sounds like you do NOT have a court ordered visitation schedule.  I know you don't want to hear this but, the Judge will probably not give you over nights right away.  Create a Step-up parenting plain (ideas found on this site) to offer the courts.  Better to create your own parenting plain than using the court ordered plain.  

*> Take a parenting class it will show the courts you have taken the initiative and are a pro active dad. I sometimes get chastised for this next statement but "I really enjoy my parenting class" I am planning to take more!! They are fun!

*> Find positive ways to deal with the stress and frustration a custody fight will create.



Another site I have found helpful is "Divorce Institute"
 It is currently a work in progress and created by lawmoe.
http://www.divorceinstitute.com/

[DecentDad]

How did it come to be that you have custody of your son?

Regarding the daughter, you need to file a paternity action in the courthouse of the county where your daughter lives.  That's all there is to it.  You have no rights until that time.

Many courthouses have help offices for filling out family law forms.  Check into that.

You need to get all your ducks in a row before filing the paternity action.  You'll probably want to seek emergency temporary relief (use the birth certificate as the burden of proof that you're the father for the temporary orders), given that you haven't seen your daughter in a month.

The reason why you need to get all your ducks in a row, and why you need to educate yourself a bit before filing, is that as soon as you file for paternity, the mother may react in a very bad way.  She may move away, she may make a false accusation against you, etc.

It's critical for you to start reading books about what you're about to do.  A good one (among the more expensive ones) is "Win your child custody war" by Hardwick.  It's available on Amazon for $80.  It's around 600 pages thick, and it's the only book you'll need for a while.

The more time that goes by without seeing your daughter, the worse your case will become.  All the mother will say in court is, "Well, of course I wanted the father involved, but he never wanted to see her.  It's been 9 months now since they've seen each other, and daughter is in a really good routine, and their contact should be minimal."

If it's been a month without seeing your daughter, you should probably file within the next few weeks.  But do it after you educate yourself a bit on the process and strategies.

DD

[DecentDad]

If you can show the court that your 9 year old son is thriving, that would also help you convince the court as to your parenting abilities and appropriateness to be involved with your daughter.

Here are examples:

He's an above average student, based upon his past few report cards (i.e., you'll include as exhibits to your declaration).

You and he are involved in parent/child activites (e.g., you're an assistant coach to his soccer team, or you and he do Boy Scouts together, or you and he participate in a church youth group).

Teachers love him and love interacting with you (i.e., they'll write declarations that you can submit).

His pediatrician thinks you're very aware of his health needs (i.e., the doctor will write a declaration that you can submit).

DD

[papaalex2003]

WOULD I STILL NEED TO TAKE PARENTING CLASSES IF I HAVE BEEN A SINGLE PRIMARY CARE PARENT FOR THE LAST 4 YEARS. MY SON LIVES WITH ME ALONG WITH MY STEP CHILDREN.

[papaalex2003]

MY SON HAS HAD HONOR ROLL SINCE KINDERGARDEN. HES ISN 4TH NOW. IM ACTIVE WITH HIS SOCCER PRACTICE AND MY STEP DAUGHTERS CHEERLEADING PRACTICE. (WIFE IS COACH). i KEEP TRACK OF ALL MY SONS HEALTH ISSUES CONSIDERING MY MOTHER IS NEVER AROUND.

[DecentDad]

Hi,

I agree with Bolivar's advice, with exception to the parenting classes.  I don't think you need to worry about that, given your son and stepdaughter.

DD

[papaalex2003]

THANKS ITS NICE TO KNOW THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH. ALL I WANT TO DO IS BE A PART OF HER LIFE. BUT I GUESS THATS EASIER SAID AND DONE.

[DecentDad]

Ok, in terms of what matters to the court, you're looking better and better.  Once paternity is established (which you'll be able to do one way or another), the court is going to order that you'll be involved in your daughter's life at some level.

You have a stable home and are in a marriage.  Your son is doing awesome.  You're involved in your stepdaughter's life.  Giving you parenting time with your daughter is a no-brainer.

Unanswered questions remain:

1.  Any bad skeletons in your closet like drug use, criminal record (other than traffic violations)?  Any such bad skeletons in your wife's background?

2.  Do you have custody of your son by court order?  If so, when/how did that happen?

3.  Where will your daughter sleep in your home?

4.  In your best objective opinion, is your daughter bonded to you as a daddy?  Does she call you daddy?

5.  Do you have any video showing you and daughter together, with her calling you daddy?

6. How do your son, wife, and stepdaughter feel about having this youngster spending more time in your home?

DD

[Bolivar]

DecentDad said what I was going to post.  (unless.... DD is a mind reader and read my mind, then posted my thoughts. lol :-) )

papaalex2003, document ALL the Activities/Events/Errands you do for your children now.  Your intention/objective is to show the court you're Super Dad.  And from what you have said in your last posts you are!! :-)

Sit down and write out all the things you are doing!

You have a good case.



Just remember, if you think life is unfair; wait until you go through Family Court.  From what I can tell the devil runs the system.

[papaalex2003]

EVERYONE HAS SKELETONS, BUT MY BABY'S MOM HAS THE SAME ONES IF NOT WORSE, SO I DONT THINK THAT WILL BE AN ISSUE.

YES IT IS COURT ORDERED SINCE 2000.

SHE WOULD SHARE A ROOM WITH MY STEP DAUGHTER WHO IS 11. MY DAUGHTER IS 3.

YES SHE IS BONDED SHE CALLS HAS ALWAYS CALLED ME DADDY, AND THE LAST TWO TIMES I WENT TO GET HER SHE CRIED TO LEAVE WITH ME AND HER BROTHER BUT SHE WASNT ALLOWED. THE ONLY THING IS THAT SINCE ITS BEEN A MONTH THAT I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO SEE HER, SHE WILL PROBABLY BE SKIDDISH AROUND ME.

JUST ALOT OF PICTURES OF HER