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Anyone know of a way to look up if BM has her DL without the actual #?

Oh yeah, and for free???

Thanks all.

Just heard that YSS's mom has been on a binge the last few days.   It is her two week visitation.  From what I understand, she does not have YSS, but he is at a relative's (where she lives, just isn't there right now).

We are broke, beyond broke.  Can NOT afford a PI right now.

What the heck do we do?  Is there anything DH CAN do?  YSS is to come back on Thur, then we have him for two uninterrupted weeks but then the schedule starts up again.

We do not want her around him while she is doing drugs.  But how to prove it???

Thanks all.

http://www.courts.state.mn.us/forms/Default.aspx?pageID=9011&activeLink=138



County Courthouse directed me to this website....

What is with this woman? (Actually I DO know what is with her, I just need to vent...)

DH has custody of YSS (5).

PBFH (boy does that fit) has parenting time Wednesday overnights, and eoweekend from Fri Night until Mon Mornings at 9:00. During the summer, she gets 2 weeks "uninterrupted time" as does DH.

THIS IS A VENT, try to follow me here...

BM took her 2 weeks in June, brought SS back a DAY late. DH let it go, because he hates fighting with her.

Monday and Thursday mornings, she has returned SS late every time this summer. Not a little late, from 1 - 2 hours late. DH has said nothing, because he hates fighting with her...

DH went out of town a couple of weekends ago. He gave PBFH the option to take SS, which technically he did not have to do, I could have taken care of SS. But DH was trying to be nice. (do you see a pattern here?)

OK, do the math, so far she is 4 days ahead this summer, and who knows how many hours since she can't get her rear out of bed in the mornings.

DH's two week time starts this weekend. BM has had SS the previous 3 weekends. She calls last night TELLING him that she is going to keep SS from Wed night until Fri night "Because she never gets to see him". Puhhhleeeze.

On a side note, on the weekends she has SS, she takes him overnight Fri, drops him off at her Mom's (hotel room, woman doesn't even have an apartment) Saturday afternoon, and picks up SS on Sunday nights, then keeps him until Monday mornings.

So, if she is so short on time with SS... WHY is she giving him to her Mom EVERY Saturday overnight she has him? Duh, because having SS cuts in on her drinking/drugs time.

Anyway, DH did tell her no. She got all pissy, and he said he had to go. (Because he doesn't like fighting with her).

I told him I was proud of him. He normally gives her her way because if he doesn't, SS suffers (Daddy is so mean to me, he doesn't love you like I do, I'm afraid to be without you, I wish you could live here and visit your Dad because he already has kids there...)

The woman is a b*tch. I can't stand her. I can't stand how she screws with SS's head, and takes advantage of DH's kindness. How in the hell am I going to be able to get through the next 13 years without telling this woman off?!





3 Boys!

OSS - NCP
YSS - CP
DS -CP

SS had kindergarten round up yesterday.  As it was BM day of visitation, she demanded that she take him and that DH meet them there.  DH let her pick up SS a half hour earlier than usual, just to not fight with the woman.

Ok, so she actually shows up with him, one point to her.  But she's stoned and wearing sunglasses (inside) to try to cover up the fact, one point taken away...

She went off on DH, said she's not driving "all the way here" for her visitation.  That he can do the driving (which is impossible with his work schedule).

Our new house is a whopping 40 minutes away from her apartment.  The house we're currently in is 20 minutes away, so truth be told, our move only adds an extra 20 minutes to her drive.

He's perfectly willing to meet her in evenings at a half way point, if she chooses to exercise her overnight mid-week visits, she will have to drive SS to school.  She doesn't start working until the lunch hour, so I don't see where the problem is other than she's on a control trip, and doesn't like getting out of bed in the mornings.

When he told her the date of our move (this summer, still renovating), she said "We'll just see about that".  So, what the heck is THAT supposed to mean?

I told DH she might try to get a restraining order, not allowing SS to leave the town.  Our attorney said not to worry about it before we bought the house (I asked before we put in an offer on the house), since the distance is not great.  30 miles - 35 miles.

I'm not worried that she'll succeed in stopping the move, but I am worried that we'll waste more of our time and money because she isn't getting her way.

What to do about the suspicion that she was high?  DH let her take SS with her, so will it look bad if we document that she looked stoned?

Aaarrrggghhh!  When does the stress end?  I thought life would get easier after DH was awarded custody... HAH!

Ok, here's the situation...

I have physical custody of son and joint legal with ex.

However, he has supervised visitation due to extreme mental issues.

Our son starts kindergarten in the fall and I just received the paperwork to fill out.

It asks for Father's info, Mother's info, Step-Father's and Step-Mother's.

Yes, I will put ex's name and address on the form, but I do NOT feel that he needs to be on the "call" list.

Yes we have joint legal, but his visits are supervised once a month. (And the supervision continues until son is 18.)

Am I wrong about this one?  Can I get in trouble for not putting him on list?

I could be needlessly worrying about it.  Since son and I moved here 3 years ago, ex has NEVER asked where son went to daycare or preschool.  But I want to CMA!


BETH

You ALL will love this one...

DH was awarded sole physical custody of ss on 1/6/04. BM was ordered to start paying child support on 2/1/04 (like that will ever happen!).

MNCS continues to garnish DH's wages. His attorney spoke with them on 1/9/04, and 1/23/04 followed up by a fax. I sent them a fax earlier this week of the court order and the copy of the fax that attorney had sent them.

I spoke with someone today, and she said that they are continuing to garnish DH's wages because they are not sure if they BELIEVE THE COURT PAPERS.

Basically, the papers say that DH gets sole physical custody and that BM is to pay CS, but it does not expressly say that DH is to stop paying CS, so they're not sure. They feel they need to talk to the couny attorney office for verification.

DUH! If he has custody, and BM is to pay CS to him, then WHY would he pay HER???? Just because she's a woman on welfare??? Because she'd rather snort every dollar she gets up her nose than care for her son???


I called our attorney and he actually had to put me on hold because he was laughing so hard! He said he knew there were idiots at the CS office, but this one topped the cake. Fortunetly, he said he'll call the county attorney and have him call the CS office directly to put a fire under their rears.



Unbelievable!


BETH

x(

Ok, as many of you know from my post last week, my DH won sole physical custody of his youngest son.

We have since received papers from the judge and there is a huge red flag that I think I have caught....

Basically, the Judge said that DH gets custody because he is more stable of the two financially. BM hasn't held a job for more than a few months in the past four years, and never anything over 20 hours per week. She has lived off of CS, state aid, and mooching off of friends and family, just to not work.

For the past year and a half, the temp order was in place for each parent to have child alternating weeks (Sun-Sun).

The final order came back with DH having physical custody with BM having Tuesday nights to Thursday nights and every other weekend. I've done the math, each parent still gets him for seven days in a two week span, but now he'll change beds 6 times in fourteen days.

Soooo, let's say she finally gets her act together in the next couple of years, then takes DH back to court. He may legally have physical custody, but they will both have had the same amount of time.

Am I worrying where I shouldn't? I'd hate to have gone through all of this for her to get the extra time needed to take custody away from DH.

Please let me know your thoughts.


Beth

Attorney just called me. He spoke with the court recorder and was told that the judge has made her decision on yss (5).

DH gets physical custody!

This has been a long haul, been at for nearly three years, but it's finally going to happen now!

Now DSS gets to live in a home with parents that care about him and his future!

If anyone is looking for a great attorney in the SE MN area, get a hold of me! Ours is fantastic!


BETH

Your post got erased by mistake.  I let the Sparc Admin know and he requested that I let you know.

:)

Ok, here's the scoop.

DH was awarded custody of DSS in January.  BM was ordered to provide her paystubs immediately so that counsel could come to an agreement on her CS obligation.  If there is no agreement, then it is to be set at minimum wage.

She finally turned them in last week, and it shows 21.5 hours for TWO WEEKS of work in February.  On the MN child support worksheet, it doesn't even register the amount is so low.

So, at trial last summer, she said that she was working about 20-25 hours per week, because she wanted the extra time to spend time with SS (whom she only had every other week...)

My feeling is that now that DH has custody, that should open her schedule up to 40 hours per week like a normal person.  But instead she drops her hours to 10.25 per week?  I worked more hours a week in high school!

Anyway, our attorney doesn't know what to do.  I am attaching the letter we are sending to him.

Please let me know what you think!

THANKS!

PS BM is claiming that she is continuing to work part time because she wants to go back to school.  This will be the third time in four years, and she never lasts more than two months...

___________________________________________________



Dear Attorney:
I have received your letter concerning BM's child support obligation.

As her paystub reads, BM worked 21.50 hours over a two week time period from February 2nd through February 15th.  However, it also shows that those earnings are all she has year to date.  Therefore, it is impossible to know when her start date was, and how many hours she is working week to week.  From this, we can logically conclude that coming to an agreement with her attorney could prove to be difficult.  

In paragraph 10 of D.C. File No. F6-02-xxxx, Judge Johnson stated:  "Respondent will furnish her current earnings information to the petitioner through counsel, and they will endeavor to agree on a child support amount.  Absent an agreement, child support shall be calculated based on minimum wage."  I read this as meaning, if an agreement cannot be made, then child support will be calculated at $5.15/hour, for a normal 40 hour work week.  At this calculation, BM's monthly income would be $892.67 and monthly support for Child would be $196.39.

On the other hand, as I am aware that BM would like to further her education at this time, which would be in Child's best interest, I would be willing to compromise.  At the time of trial, BM testified that she was working 20-25 hours each week.  At this time, I think it would be fair to all parties concerned if income was calculated from those numbers.  At BM's current net income wages of $5.54/hour at 23 hours per week, her monthly net income would be $552.15 with a monthly obligation to Child at $88.34.

Should you have any questions or comments, please let me know

Sincerely,


DH

You ALL will love this one...

DH was awarded sole physical custody of ss on 1/6/04.  BM was ordered to start paying child support on 2/1/04 (like that will ever happen!).

MNCS continues to garnish DH's wages.  His attorney spoke with them on 1/9/04, and 1/23/04 followed up by a fax.  I sent them a fax earlier this week of the court order and the copy of the fax that attorney had sent them.

I spoke with someone today, and she said that they are continuing to garnish DH's wages because they are not sure if they BELIEVE THE COURT PAPERS.

Basically, the papers say that DH gets sole physical custody and that BM is to pay CS, but it does not expressly say that DH is to stop paying CS, so they're not sure.  They feel they need to talk to the couny attorney office for verification.

DUH!  If he has custody, and BM is to pay CS to him, then WHY would he pay HER????  Just because she's a woman on welfare???  Because she'd rather snort every dollar she gets up her nose than care for her son???


I called our attorney and he actually had to put me on hold because he was laughing so hard!  He said he knew there were idiots at the CS office, but this one topped the cake.  Fortunetly, he said he'll call the county attorney and have him call the CS office directly to put a fire under their rears.



Unbelievable!)(


BETH

On Tuesday, my ex called to speak with our five year old son.  I handed the phone to son, and they spoke for about 15 minutes (which is about the norm).  When son got off the phone, he said "Daddy is in the hospital".  I asked him if that is what his Daddy had said, and he said "Yep, he's there because he's sick in the head".  Needless to say, I was worried.  My ex has bi-polar, so I wasn't sure if he was in the hospital because of that, or the flu, or a head infection....  Knew nothing.

The next morning (6:15) he called me collect from the hospital.  I asked him why he was in the hospital, and he said because of the bi-polar, and there had been a mix-up with his medication.  I asked how long he thought he'd be there, and he said a month, maybe two.  I then requested an address so son could send him pictures and such, which he gave me, then got off the phone.

Here's the thing, I find out from our FIVE year old son Tuesday night that ex is in the hospital, ex confirms it on Wednesday.  EVERYONE in ex's family has ALL of my phone numbers, home+work+cell, yet no one calls to tell me anything.

I call my ex-fil, and ask what's going on, and he says "oh, yeah, I was going to call you, ------ is in the hospital, because he STOPPED TAKING HIS MEDICATION.  He was admitted on Friday."

Noone called me, noone said a word.  I'm still in shock.  The last time he stopped taking his medication, he tried to kill me and our son.  All of the family knows this, yet no one called me.  I find out from our son.  I'm livid, I'm scared, and I don't know what to do right now.  I've tried talking to his Doctor.  According to our custody papers I am to be informed of each hospital admittance and release, reason's why, and am to receive blood test reports.  But the Doctor's don't look at that, they look at patient privacy.  She did let me know that at this time they have no idea when he's getting out, and that she would keep me informed of whatever information she was allowed to, but that was about it.

I'm furious with the family for leaving it to a sick man to let me know, he can't take adequate responsibility when he's like this!

Then my ex FIL called me to see if they could have DS for Christmas!  I said if ex was out of hospital, I would consider it, but I wasn't going to make a decision right now.


WHAT IS WITH THESE PEOPLE!!!

Ok, I'm done now.


All right, how do I handle phone calls from my ex to his son while he is in hospital?  Do I let son talk with him, or do I ignore the calls.  I don't know his exact current state of mind and am afraid of what he may say to son.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks.


BETH

How many no-shows does it take to file for contempt?

State is MN

Thanks

Hey Soc!

DH was awarded physical custody of SS earlier this year, due to BM's irresponsibility and partying.

Here is how BM's parenting time reads:

Respondent will have parenting time with CHILD as follows:

a. While in daycare, BM to pick up CHILD from daycare on Wednesdays after 3:30pm and returning to daycare Thursday mornings by 9:00am.

b. After CHILD begins school, Child to be with BM after school on Tuesdays until the beginning of school on Thursdays, provided that he shall be in school on time Wednesday and Thursday.

c. Alternating weekends from Friday after school or daycare and return to daycare by the time it starts on Monday or to school by the time it starts on Monday.





SS starts kindergarten in two weeks.

So, here's our question:

In two years BM got SS to preschool on time 6 times. Therefore, we are pretty sure that she will not be getting him to school on time consistantly once he starts in a few weeks.

1.  Once she does end up dropping him off late, what would DH's next action be?





At this point DH's plan is this...

After the second documented tardy, he will send certified letters to BM, the school, and the court file (with the documented tardies attached), letting BM know that she has forfeited her right to midweek parenting time with SS.

2  Is this right, or should it be handled differently?




Thanks for your help!

A.  Husband and I have been married less than one year.  I have been divorced once, he has been twice.

B.  In process of buying home (in MN).  He makes about 40,000 a year I make about 30,000 a year.

C.  His credit score is six points better than mine.

D.  The down payment (if we need one) is coming from my trust fund.  He will not be contributing.

Mortgage company is saying that they want to keep me off of the mortgage, then have both of us on title.  Basically because he makes more and his credit score is slightly better.

This makes me nervous should we ever split up.  Not that at this time I really worry about that, we're a good match, but... you never really know.

1.  With me being only on title, does this automatically give him the house should we split up in the future?


Thanks,
BETH


3 Boys!

OSS - NCP
YSS - CP
DS -CP

The state is Minnesota.

DH was awarded sole physical custody of SS(5) and joint legal in Jan 2004.

About a month later, we bought a house, which we will be moving to this summer.

SS starts Kindergarten in the fall, the school is 40 miles from the BM apartment.

If we had stayed in our current home, his school would have been 20 minutes from her apartment.

Visitation schedule has her doing pick ups and drop offs at SS school.

She is having a fit that we bought a house "way up here".

There is nothing in the papers about moves, other than each party give the other party and the courts 10 days notice of any move.




1.)  Is there a "magic number" of miles (an estimate will do) a custodial parent is allowed to move?








Thanks

No idea where to put this, it falls under pretty much the whole spectrum on these boards, so here goes.

My parents married over 30 years ago.  

There are four kids, OB – 31, Me – 27, YB – 18, YS – 16.

Mom stopped working her PT job when YB was born,  but did just receive her Bachelors degree.  (so therefore COULD work, but chooses not to.)

Dad has been the sole bread winner for many years.

Mom told Dad in 2000 that she wants a divorce.  He bought a house nearby, but has been renovating it the last few years, still living in common home.  He has been trying to stall her until the kids are out of school.  YB just graduated, YS is entering her sophomore year this fall.

Out of the blue last week, Mom asked Dad when he was moving out (this happens about once a year, but this time she was more forceful).  

So, he's been at his new home working hard to get it livable so that he can get out of the house.

He is quite understandably ticked off.  He is willing to grant her the divorce, but wants to stay together until YS is out of school because he does the majority of parenting.  (Driving, attends all sports activities, talks to teachers, etc. etc.)  Plus feels that HS is hard enough on kids without throwing in their parent's divorce.  (Basically wanting to put YS first instead of themselves...)

I have been trying to calm his fears about custody as YS is 16, and shared parenting will not be a problem.  She does actually want to live with him, but is afraid of the ramifications from Mom.  Love Mom to death, but she is UNBELIEVABLE at guilt trips.  So because of this, I think he should push for 50/50 of some sort, if anyone has any ideas on how to factor this in for a 16 yo (or 17 yo) any help would be appreciated.  YS does NOT want to be put on the spot by a court to "Choose", feels it is unfair to put her in that position.

The next problem is alimony.  What he would like to do is figure out all assets, liquid and otherwise, and completely split it 50/50, and then not have to pay alimony.  However, we are unsure if Mom would go for this, or try to take him for all he's worth.  When asked how she plans on paying for things (Mortgage, Taxes, pets needs, Food, etc.) once she gets him out she replies "I don't know".  (Way to think it through...)

Should she not, what are his chances of getting a cap on alimony?  And if there is a cap, for how long?

BTW – the state is NM.

This may blow over once again, but I want Dad prepared should it not be.  34 years is a long time to accumulate things together, and I don't want to see either of them screwed.  My fear is that he will be the one getting screwed though.

If anyone can give me some advice to give him, I would appreciate it!  Everything that DH and I have been through with our previous marriages did not have this full of spectrum!

Thanks!

Vilsack signs new child restraint law

By CHARLOTTE EBY, Courier Des Moines Bureau


DES MOINES --- Gov. Tom Vilsack signed a reform of Iowa's child restraint law Wednesday, saying the new regulations would help reduce the number of traffic-related injuries and deaths to children.

The law, which goes into effect July 1, marks the first time in 18 years the state has made a significant change to its child restraint regulations.

"Iowa moves to the forefront of ensuring safety and security of youngsters while they are traveling on our byways and highways," Vilsack said at the bill's signing.
Traffic accidents are the leading cause of death for Iowa' children.

Under the new law:

--- Infants under the age of 1 year or children weighing less than 20 pounds will be required to ride in a rear-facing child safety seat.

--- A child safety seat or booster seat is required for children under the age of 6.

--- Children 6 to 10 must ride in a booster seat, safety harness or seat belt.

Law enforcement agencies will conduct a public awareness campaign to educate Iowans on the new law. Drivers with children improperly restrained in their vehicles will receive warnings for the first 18 months. After that, they will face a $25 fine.

"We need to make sure that parents in the state, grandparents and those who transport youngsters fully understand that this is a significant change and one that we're going to be very serious about enforcing once this educational period has expired," Vilsack said.

Current Iowa law requires children to be secured in a child safety seat until the age of 2, and secured in a child seat or seat belt through the age of 5. Children 6 and older can now ride in the back seat unrestrained, without even wearing a seat belt.

Kathy Leggett, coordinator for Iowa SAFE KIDS Coalition, which pushed for the legislation, said the new law was a "huge improvement."

She said seat belts are not the right size for young children and put them at high risk for serious injures. A child safety seat with a harness is recommended for children until they reach 40 pounds, when a booster seat can be used, Leggett said.

Families that need financial assistance to pay for the seats can get help at one of the programs that already exist in 65 of Iowa's 99 counties, she said.

The new regulations also were supported by a number of law enforcement and public health agencies.

A report released by a national child safety group in 2001 gave Iowa and several other states failing grades for their restraint laws, a report Vilsack said was a call to action.

"It's taken us longer than it should have in this state, but today, we rectify that," Vilsack said.

The legislation faced significant hurdles in the Iowa Legislature, where it had stalled in recent years after some lawmakers criticized the child restraint law as being too intrusive.

But Vilsack said the families of children who have suffered brain injuries in traffic accidents would have done nearly anything to avoid them.

"This is about common sense; it's about safety; it's about protecting our children, and I think government has a responsibility," Vilsack said.

Sen. David Johnson, R-Ocheyedan, who has worked as volunteer firefighter, said knowing children were killed and injured because they were not properly restrained convinced him the law needed to be changed.

"If we can reduce that number of losses, that's great," said Johnson, the bill's main sponsor in the Senate.

A 'First Christmas' After 60 Years

Thursday, December 25, 2003



LEADWOOD, Mo. — The father kept the photos of his son tucked in a drawer, fading reminders of the smiling baby he last held in his arms nearly 60 years ago.

Bill Iahn (search) had few memories of his only child besides the pictures: one showed him as a young soldier with a dimple-chinned baby in a high chair, another was a portrait of his son on a rocking horse with the inscription, "To My Daddy, Dec. 25, 1945."

The little boy had been spirited away by his mother when the couple divorced soon after that and she had pledged he'd never see his son again.

Iahn (pronounced YAHN) tried to prove her wrong. Many times.

Over the decades, his family made calls, pored over phone books and scoured the Internet for clues that would lead him to his son. Nothing panned out.

At age 87, Iahn had given up on seeing his son's face again.

Then one day this fall, Iahn's great-nephew, Denny Huff, was chatting with a friend in this tiny town where secrets are as rare as strangers. He mentioned his Uncle Bill's long-lost son.

The friend happened to be a genealogy (search)buff and with some surprisingly quick research on the Internet, she produced a name and phone number in Arizona, where Iahn's son had been born.

Huff looked at the name and it wasn't familiar, but all the details seemed to fit. Amazed and excited, he rushed over to Iahn's house.

"Uncle Bill, guess what?" he said, clutching the papers.

"I think we found Billy."

A Mother's Anger

The father couldn't believe it.

"When you wait that long -- 58 years -- you just don't think it's going to happen," Iahn says, his raspy voice still filled with wonder.

A lifetime had passed since he was the young soldier in the Army's horse cavalry when he met his first wife, Thelma, in Phoenix, Ariz. Iahn was dispatched to Europe during World War II and ended up fighting in the Battle of the Bulge.

He and his wife divorced around war's end. Iahn says he doesn't remember precisely what stirred her angry, unforgettable pronouncement:

"Take a good look," he remembers her saying about their son. "It'll be the last time you ever see him."

Iahn remarried and worked construction in the St. Louis area most of his life. After he retired, he and his second wife, Dot, moved 60 miles south to Leadwood, an old mining town (population 1,160) where he had grown up.

He never forgot his son and wistfully mentioned him to relatives.

"He'd have this sad look on his face," says Betty Iahn, his niece. "He'd say, 'I wish I knew where Billy was.' He wanted to see his Billy ... before he died."

Betty Iahn tried to help, checking out phone books and trolling the Internet for anyone named Bloom -- Thelma's surname from a first marriage.

"I hunted. I called. I e-mailed people," she says. "I didn't get anywhere."

Other relatives pitched in as well as an Arizona state trooper who was Iahn's friend long ago.

But the search went nowhere until the day Huff was chatting with Sharon Hackworth, Leadwood's water clerk, about Dot Iahn, who was hospitalized at the time with heart problems.

"It's a shame they never had kids. They're so good with him," Hackworth said.

"He had a son," Huff said, and told her about the family's futile efforts to find him -- including searching the Internet as late as 1999.

Hackworth had traced her husband's descendants to the 1700s but she knew family trees could be tricky. She had relatives she had never been able to find.

She typed the name William Iahn in ancestry.com. Under Iahn's file was his marriage to Thelma Theodosia Harold and her death in 1984. Beneath it was an intriguing line:

Child of William IAHN and Thelma Theodosia HAROLD is ... Living TREACY.

Hackworth looked up Thelma's name. Sure enough, it listed her marriage to a man named Bloom. And again, Iahn and their child, with a Treacy surname.

It just had to be his Billy.

Hackworth noticed the Web site had been updated in 2001 -- two years after the Iahn family's last Internet search. And she provided one more clue. Knowing Iahn's ex-wife had lived in Phoenix, she found a phone list of 10 Treacys in Arizona.

The last one: William Treacy of Phoenix.

'Your Dad's Alive'

The Iahns now had a name and number, but the next step was a giant one.

Iahn is in poor health and depends on oxygen -- he also uses a walking cane -- and his family didn't want him to call himself. They feared he'd be rebuffed.

"He might not want to talk to you. He might say, 'You're a stranger. I don't know you,' " Huff gently warned his uncle.

Iahn's reply: "I'll accept that if that's what happens."

Another nephew, Jimmy, also worried Iahn's son might have been told his father was dead and wouldn't believe an out-of-the-blue call.

"I was skeptical," he says. "It was 58 years. I didn't want to ruin his life."

Eventually, another relative in Colorado reached out first, dialing the William Treacy in the phone directory.

The man on the other end wasn't Iahn's son but his grandson. At first, he thought the call was a prank, then became convinced it was real.

He provided his father's unlisted number and called him with the thrilling news.

"Dad," he said, "I've got a grandpa!"

His father was puzzled.

"Your dad's alive," the 30-year-old son declared.

William Treacy, the long-lost son, stared at his wife, Lydia, in disbelief.

Not long before, they'd been thumbing through a three-inch thick photo album including his baby pictures. (He'd also kept a baby book listing presents he had been given, including two from his father: $4.50 in pennies and two $2 bills.)

"Wouldn't it be nice," Lydia had said, "to know what happened to your dad?"

"Then, two weeks later, boom! God gave us an answer," she says now.

When Iahn's nephew, Jack, placed the momentous call to Arizona soon afterward, the first words were as simple as they come:

"Hello, son."

"Hello, Dad."

Looking for Similarities

There was no way to make up for lost time. But there was much to say.

William Treacy revealed he's the father of four and grandfather of seven.

Iahn told him about family he never knew he had.

Treacy, a machinist who had taken the surname of a stepfather, had presumed his biological father was dead: He had once heard Iahn had been killed in a car accident (he was seriously injured in one).

Treacy had been raised by his grandmother and mother -- who split from her husband -- and even now, he remembers moments as a boy when he longed for his father.

"Growing up ... not knowing that he was on this earth, and not having him around when I used to play ball...," he says, groping for the right words. "It's sad to me."

When he questioned his mother about his father, "she would say, 'Don't ask me,' " he said.

So he stopped asking.

The father-son call led to an invitation to Leadwood, but Treacy worried his newly discovered family might wonder why he hadn't done more to find Iahn.

"I don't know how you all will feel," he confided to his cousin, Betty.

"We all love Bill and we'll love you, too," she reassured him.

Treacy had already won over Dot Iahn, a spry woman who loves animals (her menagerie includes a dog, turkey and miniature 26-inch-high horse) and dolls (she has 780 lining almost every room of her house.)

"He said, 'Do you mind if I call you Mom?' " she recalls.

"Eighty-one years old and to be called Mom for the first time in your life?" she says, her face beaming. "Gosh."

This fall, when Treacy and his wife, Lydia, arrived at the airport in St. Louis, he held a paper sign with "Treacy" and "Iahn" written on it.

He needn't have bothered. Family members recognized him immediately. There were hugs and kisses all around.

"Uncle Bill doesn't show a lot of emotion, but he was smiling," says his nephew, Jimmy Iahn, who drove them to the airport.

No one saw Iahn shed a tear, and yet he confesses: "I might have when nobody could see me."

Iahn has never been one to talk much, but friends say he's clearly a changed man.

"He's just got a twinkle in his eye he didn't have before," says Hackworth, whose research reunited father and son.

In their time together, the two men watched westerns, toured the St. Louis arch, visited Iahn's sister in a nursing home, looked at old photos and joined nearly 70 other family members for a reunion at a nearby VFW Hall.

"His family grew by tenfold," Jimmy Iahn says. "It's pretty wild."

And father and son got along famously. "It was like we had known each other a long time," Treacy says.

Family members noticed similarities between father and son: Both are Army veterans, wear their watches on their left hand over their shirts and walk the same way.

Two of Treacy's grandchildren are redheads -- just as Iahn was when he was young.

Iahn teases his son, calling him old man. Treacy sticks with "Dad" for his father.

Though Treacy -- who turned 60 on Dec. 16 -- says he still feels "a gap of not having him around all these years," he doesn't dwell on that.

"It's like being in a dim room ... and now everything's bright," he says. "There's a big ole light in my life."

A First Christmas

The baby pictures tucked away all these years now sit on a living room shelf, along with a new photo -- son and father, their arms draped around one another, with their wives.

Treacy is spending Christmas in Missouri with his father.

A few years ago, Dot Iahn had lost interest in holiday celebrations, so she gave away her lights and decorations. But with her new son, she's enthused again and started planning Christmas dinner -- turkey, roast beef, mashed potatoes -- in early November.

She has a Christmas stocking for Treacy and among his gifts: a pillow embroidered with the word "son."

In a way, Treacy's life has started over.

"My mom says this is our first Christmas," he says. "I guess I'll be a 60-year-old kid."

And a content one, at that.

"I've got him and he's got me," he says, "and that's all there is."

I fell across a house for sale online over Thanksgiving.  It's a forclosure, asking price was about 1/3-1/2 normal market value.

Just found out on Friday that our offer has been accepted, we will be closing in January.

5 Bedroom, 2 bath, 2 kitchens, in a small town like we wanted for our three boys (2 his, 1 mine).

I am walking on air!  Never in my wildest dreams did I expect this size house on our meager incomes!  God has truly blessed us!  Hopefully he will continue to do so, still waiting on answer from judge on littlest boy.  Hoping for full custody, answer due back by second week in January.

Needless to say, the boys are ecstatic (as are DH and I!).


Beth:-)

On Tuesday, my ex called to speak with our five year old son. I handed the phone to son, and they spoke for about 15 minutes (which is about the norm). When son got off the phone, he said "Daddy is in the hospital". I asked him if that is what his Daddy had said, and he said "Yep, he's there because he's sick in the head". Needless to say, I was worried. My ex has bi-polar, so I wasn't sure if he was in the hospital because of that, or the flu, or a head infection.... Knew nothing.

The next morning (6:15) he called me collect from the hospital. I asked him why he was in the hospital, and he said because of the bi-polar, and there had been a mix-up with his medication. I asked how long he thought he'd be there, and he said a month, maybe two. I then requested an address so son could send him pictures and such, which he gave me, then got off the phone.

Here's the thing, I find out from our FIVE year old son Tuesday night that ex is in the hospital, ex confirms it on Wednesday. EVERYONE in ex's family has ALL of my phone numbers, home+work+cell, yet no one calls to tell me anything.

I call my ex-fil, and ask what's going on, and he says "oh, yeah, I was going to call you, ------ is in the hospital, because he STOPPED TAKING HIS MEDICATION. He was admitted on Friday."

Noone called me, noone said a word. I'm still in shock. The last time he stopped taking his medication, he tried to kill me and our son. All of the family knows this, yet no one called me. I find out from our son. I'm livid, I'm scared, and I don't know what to do right now. I've tried talking to his Doctor. According to our custody papers I am to be informed of each hospital admittance and release, reason's why, and am to receive blood test reports. But the Doctor's don't look at that, they look at patient privacy. She did let me know that at this time they have no idea when he's getting out, and that she would keep me informed of whatever information she was allowed to, but that was about it.

I'm furious with the family for leaving it to a sick man to let me know, he can't take adequate responsibility when he's like this!

Then my ex FIL called me to see if they could have DS for Christmas! I said if ex was out of hospital, I would consider it, but I wasn't going to make a decision right now.


WHAT IS WITH THESE PEOPLE!!!

Ok, I'm done now.


All right, how do I handle phone calls from my ex to his son while he is in hospital? Do I let son talk with him, or do I ignore the calls. I don't know his exact current state of mind and am afraid of what he may say to son.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks.


BETH

What is with this woman?  (Actually I DO know what is with her, I just need to vent...)

DH has custody of YSS (5).

PBFH (boy does that fit) has parenting time Wednesday overnights, and eoweekend from Fri Night until Mon Mornings at 9:00.  During the summer, she gets 2 weeks "uninterrupted time" as does DH.

THIS IS A VENT, try to follow me here...

BM took her 2 weeks in June, brought SS back a DAY late.  DH let it go, because he hates fighting with her.

Monday and Thursday mornings, she has returned SS late every time this summer.  Not a little late, from 1 - 2 hours late.  DH has said nothing, because he hates fighting with her...

DH went out of town a couple of weekends ago.  He gave PBFH the option to take SS, which technically he did not have to do, I could have taken care of SS.  But DH was trying to be nice.  (do you see a pattern here?)

OK, do the math, so far she is 4 days ahead this summer, and who knows how many hours since she can't get her rear out of bed in the mornings.

DH's two week time starts this weekend.   BM has had SS the previous 3 weekends.  She calls last night TELLING him that she is going to keep SS from Wed night until Fri night "Because she never gets to see him".  Puhhhleeeze.

On a side note, on the weekends she has SS, she takes him overnight Fri, drops him off at her Mom's (hotel room, woman doesn't even have an apartment) Saturday afternoon, and picks up SS on Sunday nights, then keeps him until Monday mornings.

So, if she is so short on time with SS...  WHY is she giving him to her Mom EVERY Saturday overnight she has him?  Duh, because having SS cuts in on her drinking/drugs time.

Anyway, DH did tell her no.  She got all pissy, and he said he had to go.  (Because he doesn't like fighting with her).

I told him I was proud of him.  He normally gives her her way because if he doesn't, SS suffers (Daddy is so mean to me, he doesn't love you like I do, I'm afraid to be without you, I wish you could live here and visit your Dad because he already has kids there...)

The woman is a b*tch.  I can't stand her.  I can't stand how she screws with SS's head, and takes advantage of DH's kindness.  How in the hell am I going to be able to get through the next 13 years without telling this woman off?!






3 Boys!

OSS - NCP
YSS - CP
DS -CP

DH is CP.  BM has Wed overnights and every other weekend.

BM and DH get two weeks of uninterrupted parenting time over the summer.

SS (5) spent first two weeks of June with BM.  It has been almost two weeks, he is transitioning finally except for one point.

Whenever he doesn't get his way, the tears start and the screaming, yelling, slamming doors...  "I want to live with my Mom forever, I don't want to be here."  Or "I miss my Mom, I don't want to be here".  HUGE theatrics.

This is NOT the SS I know and love.  He's usually very laid back and happy.  Sure he'll say about once a week that he misses her, but not everyday at least twice a day.

And it's for stupid stuff too.  Drink your milk, brush your teeth, it's naptime, you have to have dinner before you can have a brownie...

So, how do we handle this?  The "I miss my Mom" I can handle.  The "I want to live with her forever, I don't want to be here" gets me.

Help me out here, am I making a mountain out of a mole hill?

Does he just need more time to adjust?

I just want to say, "Why?  Don't you have to drink your milk, brush your teeth, eat your dinner before dessert at Mom's?  Does she never say no?"

Ugh.  Help Help Help!

DH and I are "considering" getting pregnant in a couple of years.  We can't before then because I have to have knee surgery and recovery time on both knees before we can even think of me getting pregnant again.

Here's our situation...

DH has son from his first marriage (right out of highschool), whom is nine.  Mother has custody, we have every other weekend and Mother is extremely lenient in extended time when he is not in school.  Oldest would be 11-12 when baby came along.

DH has son from second marriage (rebound girl she got caught cheating three months after wedding and he found out she was very into drugs) who is currently five that DH has custody of.  BM is a pain (to put it mildly).  She has ss Wed overnight, Friday afternoon until Monday morning everyother weekend.  Works up to Tues and Wed overnights with everyother weekend next year, as long as she gets him to school on time in the mornings.

I have a son from my first marriage (BD has bipolar with psychotic overtones) who is also five that I have custody of.  His Dad sees him about once a month for a weekend.

Both the little boys would be 7-8 when baby came.

Of those who have come into a marriage with dynamics close to ours, my question is this.

If you had additional child(ren) together, how did the kids handle it?  Did it bring you closer together as a family unit, or do they feel out of it?

If you chose not to risk it by having any more, do you regret it?

DH and I both would really like another child.  But we are both afraid of how the kids we already have will respond.  We don't want to screw these kids up!

Any enlightenment would be helpful!

Thanks

Ok, DH won custody of SS in January.  Each parent is allowed a 2 week parenting time each summer, alternating who gets to choose first.

BM was to have her choice to him by April 30th.  She finally left a handwritten note, addressed to "Whom It May Concern" in childs folder at daycare yesterday (May 6th).

As it would be VERY easy for DH to tell her, too bad so sad, you're too late, we really struggled with this one.  She is such a BI*CH, and does anything she can to try to get under his skin, and tries to make it a control issue.

After discussing it last night, I convinced him to let her have her two weeks, or she'll continue to try and brainwash SS.  We're already getting enough of the "Mom is scared to be at home by herself, because I'm not there to protect her" crap.  The poor kid is 5!  And she has him convinced that she needs him to protect her...

Anyway, the following is a letter that DH will be sending to her.  Does it sound ok to you guys?

________________________________________________

May 7, 2004

RE: Summer Two Week Parenting Time


Dear BM,

Our custody order on page X, paragraph X, subparagraph X., Reads:  "Every summer, each parent will have a 14-day uninterrupted period with "child".  In odd numbered years, the respondent will have the first choice of a 14-day period and in even-numbered years, the petitioner will have first choice.  The parent with the first choice will select dates for her/his extended 14-day period prior to March 31st of that year and the other parent will note his/her selection prior to April 30th."

The note that you left in "child's" cubby at the daycare on May 6th, stated that you have chosen June 4th, 2004, through June 18th, 2004.  
I realize that the custody order is fairly new, so I am willing to honor your request even though you did not inform me of your choice until a week after the deadline.  However, in the future it would be appreciated if you would follow the rules of the custody order.

I also request that you inform me of the times that you will be picking up and dropping off "child", as you did not specify either in your note.

Sincerely,



DH





cc:   County Court Administrator

I am running into some problems with my son's Father and am unsure of how to proceed.

Per our decree, I have sole physical and we share joint legal custody of DS (6).  Visitation is set forth as four weekends a year, with an additional weekend between November 1 and Dec 31, and a week during the summer.  All visitation is to be supervised by Ex's Father or by someone that we agree upon.  He is also to provide me with blood test results within three days of any visitation showing me that he is taking his medication for bi-polar.

Since moving to the state he was living in, he and I agreed to visitation one weekend a month and more time as agreed.  Continuing with the blood tests and supervision by either his Father, Brother, or Brother-In-Law.

To abridge what has been going on as much as possible...

Last year at about this time Ex was hospitalized for not taking his medication.  It was a lot of in and out of the hospital and half-way houses from the middle of November until the middle of January.

In August of this year he snuck DS to his home (unsupervised) and told DS to not tell me he had been there.  DS slipped up and accidentally let me know.  Prior to this visit, Ex's blood test came in a little high, but his Doctor's office said that DS should be fine.  Since that fiasco, I have been told by the Doctor's office that they think that Ex had stopped taking his meds, then doubled up the day of the test so that he could see DS.

Since that visit Ex has refused to provide me with blood test results and has refused to see DS unless I approve dispensement of the blood tests and supervised visitation.  I have not agreed to do so.

In September Ex's Mother and Sister contacted me and said that they wanted to see DS.  I allowed them to take DS for the weekend of October 1-3.  Ex caught wind of this and arrived on his sister's doorstep.  I found out Sunday the 3rd, when Ex refused to have his Mother or sister meet me so I could pick up DS.  Long story short, his brother-in-law physically removed Ex from their home and I drove 2 hours to their home to pick DS up.

Since that time, Ex is still yet to see DS, but calls to harrass me every couple of weeks.  These phone calls are not productive in any way.  Basically it is him swearing at me and calling me every name in the book.

Now, here's the point...

Per the order, we are to share major decisions, due to the joint legal custody.

DS has been having some difficulty in school and I signed the permission slip for him to start Title One.  Around the end of October, DS confided to me some things that his Dad had put in his head, so I signed DS up to see a social worker at school also.  

I did both of these things without discussion with Ex.  Thinking back, is this something that could jump up and bite me in the rear?

DH was awarded physical custody of SS earlier this year, due to BM's irresponsibility and partying.

Here is how BM's parenting time reads:

Respondent will have parenting time with CHILD as follows:

a. While in daycare, BM to pick up CHILD from daycare on Wednesdays after 3:30pm and returning to daycare Thursday mornings by 9:00am.

b. After CHILD begins school, Child to be with BM after school on Tuesdays until the beginning of school on Thursdays, provided that he shall be in school on time Wednesday and Thursday.

c. Alternating weekends from Friday after school or daycare and return to daycare by the time it starts on Monday or to school by the time it starts on Monday.

SS starts kindergarten in two weeks.

So, here's our question:

In two years BM got SS to preschool on time 6 times. Therefore, we are pretty sure that she will not be getting him to school on time consistantly once he starts in a few weeks.

Once she does end up dropping him off late, what would DH's next action be?

At this point DH's plan is this (which we received from his attorney)...

After the second documented tardy, he will send certified letters to BM, the school, and the court file (with the documented tardies attached), letting BM know that she has forfeited her right to midweek parenting time with SS.

Is this right, or should it be handled differently?

Thanks for your help!

DH has physical custody of YSS.  BM has wed overnights and eoweekend from Fri night until Monday morning.

In a couple of weeks, SS starts kindergarten, then the schedule changes...


BM is moved up to tues ON and wed ON, and every other weekend.  Which places the parenting time back up to 50/50.

Should she actually follow the court order and get SS to school on time so that she can keep the midweek overnights, here is my question...


What are your schedules like?  Every other week, or this jumping around every couple of days?  What works best for the kids?

I see pros and cons for each with our situation, but I wanted to see how others have handled it...

Thanks all!:-)

Ok, here's the situation...

I have physical custody of son and joint legal with ex.

However, he has supervised visitation due to extreme mental issues.

Our son starts kindergarten in the fall and I just received the paperwork to fill out.

It asks for Father's info, Mother's info, Step-Father's and Step-Mother's.

Yes, I will put ex's name and address on the form, but I do NOT feel that he needs to be on the "call" list.

Yes we have joint legal, but his visits are supervised once a month. (And the supervision continues until son is 18.)

Am I wrong about this one? Can I get in trouble for not putting him on list?

I could be needlessly worrying about it. Since son and I moved to same state as ex 3 years ago, ex has NEVER asked where son went to daycare or preschool. But I want to CMA!


BETH