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Parenting Issues / Re: when communication from NCP is nothing but annoying
« Last post by ocean on Jan 01, 2019, 11:21:51 AM »
This site is has quieted down and you only have to post on one board. Most of the regulars are just people who have been through many years through the family court system and help each other. I responded to your other post but...1. Merry Christmas- could have been for your son.2. Present- nope, he gets gifts for his son but from your other post maybe step mom is not allowing gifts and he was trying to go through you?3. Until he starts using his visits, limit the amount of communication until he makes an effort to come and see him. Maybe offer to meet him at a public place between the two of you so child can see dad...fun kid place maybe and you can go read a book and let them have a few hours together, especially since step mom seems to be controlling the amount of time away from him.
Visitation Issues / Re: help with boundaries with NCP:communication issues
« Last post by ocean on Jan 01, 2019, 11:16:13 AM »
Do not answer any communication unless it is a direct question concerning your child. Text ex that you will answer questions regarding child only. Friendly communication is fine and if he wants to see child without new step-mom so be it. Stay out of it.
Is he now seeing child? Encourage communication and visits and how dad wants to use his visitation is up to him (bringing him home or out to public places instead). It is actually good that son gets 1:1 time with dad and not thrown into a mixed family. Maybe in time things will change.
Keep texting dad about son's activities/school functions as you are co-parenting with him.Good luck!
Visitation Issues / help with boundaries with NCP:communication issues
« Last post by balleros on Dec 26, 2018, 08:22:33 AM »
I am posting this here because all NCP has is visitation. But this really belong in the "immature" forum.
My son's father was a ghost for YEARS and within the last 2 months he started contact with me. My son is 7, he doesnt have a phone so all contact has to go through me.
He first texted me through a number that I didn't have on my contact lists and he said "don't use my other number".
I figured he had changed it.
One day I accidentally called the old number and I got to his voicemail so I guess his phone was active. A few days after that, his sister visited us and I she confirmed that the old number was active. I figured he has created a google number or skype number so that his wife would not have access to texts or calls he places. yeah he got married about 5 years ago and I got a letter from her attorney stating that my son can never visit his home. So clearly she knows he has a son. The biggest issue I had with the texts were most of the time non son related such as "have a great day", "good morning" etc.
Anyway, I sent NCP an email saying that we do not accept anymore calls from X number and he can contact me from his regular phone number. It was not a problem for him. He started sending the same type of messages by email and then he started calling but through Facetime which he turns off the video function when we pickup. So obviously, he is still trying to keep his phone activity at hidden level. Does this bother me? of course ! If he can't be mature enough to be open about having a son, why would I even expose my son to it?

NCP is almost 50. This type of behavior is unacceptable.
Am I wrong for wanting proper communication?
If my son can't get the respect he deserves, why bother?

Is there anything I can do about this?

Parenting Issues / when communication from NCP is nothing but annoying
« Last post by balleros on Dec 25, 2018, 05:39:18 PM »
My son is 7 years old and he has been raised solely by me .His father has ONLY visitation on Sundays that he never served. As we finish the 7th year, he started contact again but it is more annoying that beneficial. I mean how can he actually build a bond with the type of communication he establishes?

What do I call annoying?
sending me an email that does not address my son at all. Here is his message:

"Merry Christmas.  Hope u have a good day".

Also, on Saturday he sent mean email asking me to pick up a toy for my son at a Target near me.I am trying to be nice so I said "I don't mind picking it up but it might be better if I save it and you give it to him when you see ". He responded and he said he was going to let me know. I told him to let me know before 11 pm on Dec 24 as I was going to put all presents by the tree. He never did.

He only lives 58 miles away and yes, I don't expect me to make a complete change but what he is doing is not that positive either

any thoughts into this ?

I don't want to close the door but ...
How long has he been back?You should not have to get him gifts from dad especially when he is that close. Is child comfortable going with dad? Maybe offer a few times in public places so you can stay around until child is comfortable again and then offer a day each week he can come get him? Since it is Christmas, offer a few hours tomorrow or this week for him to spend time even if it just going to fast food place and back so start the communication again.

Playing devils advocate maybe he had to leave his game for appointment, work, or pick up another child (if he has second family). Always encourage child time with dad but you both should not drop everything/plans if he can not plan ahead. Door should always kept open for dad but at same time tell him that consistency for children is key and can he come up with a day a week that he can see him regularly. (even if work gets in way , can be planned a month ahead and have days on calendar).

Good luck!
so after 7 years of being a ghost, my son's father is trying to reconnect.
I have no problem with that but the way he is doing it is not even that beneficial to create a bond.
Example 1: he showed up at a soccer game but he didn't stay for the end so they really didn't talk.

example 2: he asked me to pick up from Target a gift for my son for Christmas. yeah great....Nut I told him it would mean more if he actually brings it over.

He lives 8 miles away but I don't see that he TRYING is trying enough.
do I just play along?
play it by ear?
ask for consistency?
Father's Issues / Re: Can't find my kids!
« Last post by ocean on Dec 09, 2018, 11:56:58 AM »
Few questions:1. How old is chid(ren)?2. Why did child support court hold ex address?3. Do you have a visitation schedule?

Have you tried going to the court house for all copies of your file? Maybe on there there.One option can be to request court ordered counseling with children so you can start to form a relationship outside ex and with a therapist that can guide the conversation.

Also, if you still have rights to children, you can request your child's school records to be mailed to you. You can mail the request letter to the district office of the few school districts your kids may in. Not the individual schools, the district so one letter to whole district. You can then request parent portal to get school records , info, grades, attendance from there.

Do you know grandparents or other families information. Can send something to kids through them? Be careful about harassing any family members, one time letter asking them to forward info to your children.
Good luck!
Father's Issues / Can't find my kids!
« Last post by baykon on Dec 08, 2018, 05:36:42 PM »
4 years, several court, state, & law enforcement requests. Refusal for info in child support courts as well as Social security office & birth certificate locations. No knowledge of where they're schools are. No addresses or phone numbers. No responses on social media.

I've run out of options.
Custody Issues / Re: Legal authority
« Last post by dipper on Nov 26, 2018, 10:09:23 PM »
We held a child study through our school district.   The child study team felt it was more of a settling in issue.  Yet, they continued to send home behavior contracts and daily reminders of her bad behavior.  I went through the pediatrician at that point. 

At the end of the pediatric appointment the only thing for sure is we are in agreement on counseling.  However, mother will not answer if she will pay anything toward it.   And more than likely we are not going to agree on a counselor.  Mother is adamant that she has to agree or it cannot happen. 

My attorney said to take child to counselor who can see her soon and that is best for our household and let mom know.  She can come if she chooses to. 

But, now we are looking at our case being pushed back.   Mother sent certified letter last week that she is moving in with her boyfriend on the day of trial.  Now, GAL says time is needed to investigate new home and the occupants living there. 
Child Support Issues / Re: Child support for school aged kids?
« Last post by ocean on Nov 26, 2018, 04:03:56 PM »
Some people include it in their divorce to split activities but it is not included in child support in my state. Half of medical (copays, insurance prem, dental, eye glasses) are usually included with a child support order. It is usually very hard to go back and ask for changes but you could ask for a COLA increase in child support every few years. If your order is through the state you can ask them to do it without court. Your ex can ask for a hearing to explain why COLA should not be allowed. If you do not use state to collect child support you can ask for a COLA hearing. You can find out how much that is and talk to your ex and agree to it so not court or any other amount. Or maybe you wont ask for COLA increase if ex will agree to half activities.
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