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Custody Issues / Re: Hi all! I'm grandparent seeking custody
« Last post by ocean on Jul 05, 2019, 08:28:28 AM »
Did father serve you custody papers? If this hearing is for your child support, then that is what the judge will want to hear and not deal with custody until papers are in front of him. Does dad have/take any visitation now?
Custody Issues / Re: Hi all! I'm grandparent seeking custody
« Last post by paternalgma on Jul 04, 2019, 03:54:25 PM »
The child is now 8. Father now claiming he wants custody, but really doesn't wish to pay CS. I have an order for CS against biomom for $199 monthly as of Jan 2019.

Thanks for the suggestions and well wishes!
Custody Issues / Re: Hi all! I'm grandparent seeking custody
« Last post by ocean on Jul 04, 2019, 08:29:14 AM »
Are the parents fighting for custody now? How old is child? At any point you can ask to stop hearing and say you would like time to get lawyer. Also, you may qualify for free legal aid at family court. In my state, the state child support office will file child support for you if you have anything saying you had custody now. Good luck!
Custody Issues / Hi all! I'm grandparent seeking custody
« Last post by paternalgma on Jul 03, 2019, 10:02:08 PM »
Not sure if I'm doing this right, but it stated at the top to create an introductory post.

I am a grandmother that filed (Jan 19) for sole legal and physical custody of the grandchild that I have been raising over 8 years.

Parents showed little interest until I filed for CS last year.

I can't afford an attorney so I am going pro se'. My case involves 3 states.

Wish me luck!

Father's Issues / Drug testing
« Last post by OhKscorpion on Jun 28, 2019, 04:33:00 AM »
I experienced a situation where CPS/CWS whatever it may be called where you live. The Child Protective Service Worker asked to do a hair test for drug and of course, used the standard "if you don't agree I will just ask the judge and it look bad. Or however, it was phrased because the mother agreed. About a week and a half later the test result came back.

One child was 4 and the other 7, the four-year-old test revealed enough meth in her system to indicating a daily user and the seven-year-old an occasional user. I only knew these kid because a close fined babysat them almost every day.

I visited my friend daily and I saw the kids daily and there was no way these kids had been taking meth or exposed to the amount of meth that CPS was reporting; I knew because of the fact these kids slept most the time I was around and when they were awake they weren't bouncing off the walls but watching TV mostly.

So after a great deal of time and research, this is what I discovered and I was shocked that so many attorneys buy into this sham.

1) there are no certified hair drug testing labs. Yes, often times the hair sample is sent to a lab which is certified by the Feds to do drug testing but since hair testing has not been approved for use, the labs that are certified sent the sample to a lab that is not (just to keep their certification 'clean'.
The labs that do the hair testing only confirm the presence of meth it is up to the client to make a determination of the results. Especially when it comes to juveniles the reason being the growth of children's hair varies so much and there has been very little scientific research on children (seems most governments have a problem with giving meth to children even in the name of research.

2) courts can only order a drug which is approved for use by the Department of Transportation who rely the FDA to certify the labs to meet the necessary standards.

BUT, if you agree to the request of CPS then you have cooked your own problems because the court is more than happy to accept any test you and CPS agree to. If you want to validate my  facts a good place to start is Omega labs they seem to do  a lot of testing for the courts and then ask your local court system about what test can they order someone to take, if that makes you feel uneasy use the internet and start with, what type drug testing is used by interstate truck drivers.

I just hate to see people fooled by anyone. I don't care for meth users driving huge trucks along beside me on the freeway and if the hair testing keeps being abused then it never be approved for use in the courts.
Visitation Issues / Re: Visitation - a lot has went on
« Last post by Waylon on Jun 24, 2019, 11:11:34 AM »
We found out Tuesday that he is on Meth.  ....   We went with him to the ER and found out he had went to the ER on Monday too for same reason.    He says he will get help and attend outpatient treatment.  But, he also says his drug use is all our fault for filing for child support.
1) Right, everything is your fault, got it. That's mighty convenient for him, not having to take any responsibility for his actions.

2) They always say they'll get help, and 99.99999999% it never happens or it doesn't stick.

3) See #2.
Father's Issues / Re: When is the right time to thow out your documentation?
« Last post by Waylon on Jun 24, 2019, 11:08:16 AM »
Good question...
I threw out about 90% after my son turned 21. I kept a few specific items like my hand written diaries/logs, and a few court docs that I thought had significance (like the parenting evaluation report).

The rest I took and burned in a friend's backyard fire pit. I had more than 3 feet of paper (!!) stacked up to burn.

If you think you might need any of it someday you could always scan all of it with a document scanner and then trash the physical copies. Burn a couple CDs and also throw copies on a couple of thumb drives. Or, zip it all up and put it in an Amazon S3 bucket,  that way it'll never ever get lost.

Visitation Issues / Visitation - a lot has went on
« Last post by dipper on Jun 20, 2019, 11:14:57 AM »

We have primary custody since January 2018.  BM and her mother shared joint legal with us and had visitation.  Son had supervised visitation with no set times.   Things went on, I filed a show cause.  BM filed for sole custody.  Maternal grandmother was supportive of this and willing to come off of order completely.    During this time, bm was dating, planned on moving in with him, got pregnant on purpose - she had cystic fibrosis and it was not managed well.   She did not do what she needed to do.  Her health deteriated quickly.  Went to court in February- her lawyer told her to drop it.  She had notified everyone that she would be moving in December - into a trailer in the man's parent's yard and it still was not ready in February and no date in site.   Her attorney told our attorney - she will never move and she cannot take care of a child.   

So, an agreement was reached instead.  We dropped show cause.   She dropped sole custody.   We took Wednesdays out of visitation and some was altered to make up for that.   Maternal grandmother was not named in new visitation changes.   ONLY the mother was named for weekend visitation and 4 weeks during summer.    Grandmother signed the document.   I have emails from bm stating that when she moved child would be with her, living with her - nights with her.

BM had the baby three months early in March.   BM died in mid April.   Apparently a bacterial infection set up.  They let us know nothing of how serious her condition was until the night before she died.   It is awful...and we truly feel for everyone.   GD is doing okay....we already had her in therapy.  We work on a memory book.

But the situation now........the maternal grandmother, in our opinion, does not have the same rights she did prior to that amendment in February.   We have filed for a clarification from the court.   We have also filed to have the joint legal decision making taken away as we have never gotten along.  I found case law that cited that it would be stressful on a child to make a situation that requires cooperation and communication where none exists.   Anyway, talked with GAL and she agrees about joint legal.  She was not direct about visitation, but did ask if she could send our proposal of what we would offer to the grandmother - which kind of implies something to us. 

However, grandmother had approached her ex (bm's dad) within days of bm passing away asking him to do something about us having custody.  He said she also approached his family.    She has now made a bedroom for gd and her brother when he gets out of the hospital.   

Our son, who has supervised visitation, has been an issue for us.   He does not want to pay any child support and calls us money greedy.   I have filed through DCSE to let them handle it.    He has never acted so mean before.   We found out Tuesday that he is on Meth.  He called my husband out of his head and paranoid.   We went with him to the ER and found out he had went to the ER on Monday too for same reason.    He says he will get help and attend outpatient treatment.  But, he also says his drug use is all our fault for filing for child support.   

The part with the maternal grandmother - I expect she will file for sole custody.  It is typically their way to wait until the day of court or the day before to file.   

Son - I don't know whether to file to have even the supervised visits stripped until he goes through treatment and tests clean for a certain amount of time.  Or just give these facts to the judge and let her do whatever she does.

Father's Issues / When is the right time to thow out your documentation?
« Last post by MixedBag on Jun 19, 2019, 07:37:50 PM »
There are advocates of tossing all of your documentation once your child emancipates....and there are advocates of the need to preserve history because too often history gets re-written by alienators....  Well, I share another reason today NOT to throw it out that caught me by surprise.  I divorced #2 in 1996 and did not ask for my last name to change.  I kept it.  Then 6 months later, I went to the local court to have it changed legally and pressed on with life.  Well, today I find out that the VA doesn't have my current last name in their system correct in ALL of the different departments.  I was active duty military, even retired under my maiden name, but this one flippin' office or department still has my former name.  So I need a state ID AND divorce to show I was allowed to change my name.  I said "But it's not in the divorce, can't you accept my passport, or my retired military ID,or my DDForm214?"  He said NO, it has to be a court order.  THANKFULLY, I'm anal when it comes to documentation -- and I had it handy in my "all about Iris" file...and I could send off a copy and now wait.  But imagine if I had to contact the court -- 12 hours away -- ask for a record to be pulled that's over 20 years ago (which takes 3 - 5 business days) because back then, NOTHING was electronic.....
Custody Issues / Re: GAL, legal complaint, DV issue
« Last post by ocean on Jun 04, 2019, 05:17:10 PM »
We went through this. Suggestion: File to have counseling court ordered for you and child. Find a therapist near you that is willing to take this on. Go see them first. Then file in court naming this therapist so that you can child can start to form relationship. Child needs outsider to help you without mom being there. Keep up with any visits you are allowed and just make a relationship for the two of you and not bring up mom. If child does, just answer honestly and move on. We fought the good fight and lost as mom PAS the kids to death. As child gets older and if you are still there, hopefully they will start to see mom true colors. If their is another incident with the school, ask them to get CPS involved.Sounds like the child may need counseling other than the relationship for you so maybe the counselor can use some time to deal with school/other issues too. Good luck!
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