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Author Topic: dads??? someone less emotional, got any advice  (Read 15444 times)


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dads??? someone less emotional, got any advice
« on: Nov 25, 2003, 08:58:28 AM »
We just received the following letter from the bio-mom's attorney;

Regarding you contacting Dr. XX for information on the XX (prescription) that is prescribed for son, this is medication for his allergies and is given as needed. All information from Dr. Foley will be given by the primary custodial parent, XX.

Son will not be available for telephone contact on Thanksgiving day and make-up telephone contact will be Wednesday, December 3, 2003, at the usual time. Your next weekend visitation will be xxx at the usual place and time.

Christmas visitation will begin on Friday, December 19, 2003 at 7:00 p.m. at xxx with a return of the child on December 26 at 2:00 p.m. If you can not personally return Wesley on Friday, then the return will be on Christmas Day at the usual time. There will be no extended xmas visitation. Mom will have contact on xx, xx and xx during your visitation.

As the custodial parent of son, Mom is concerned for his safety and well being while visiting your home. There have been several times that son has been returned home with extensive bites and bruises on his body. This has been documented and Mom requests that you supervise son more closely. It has been reported to Mom that you have not been present for most of the last two visitations. Visitation is for the non-custodial parent, not any other member of your family.


who the F*** does this guy think he is?

i'm angry right now, yes, its obvious, bio mom and her attorney just think they can dictate anything they want...

as for the history of why we got this letter;

dad called bio-mom last nite, she refused to answer, dad left message asking what a good time to call on turkey day was because 6:30 - 7:00 is the calling time and dad was offering to call at different time so as not to interrupt their thanksgiving dinner...

xmas break is supposed to start per court order; the day child gets out of school.... not on friday two days later at night... yes we know its only two days but damn when all you get is EOW you take every 5 minutes they give....

bio mom has NO ZERO court ordered telephone times.....

and this "documented" bruises and bug bites... OMG bio mom thinks tv is the world's greatest babysitter and the kid never leaves the house, yes we do things, yard work, hiking, camping, riding bikes, fly kites, build things, we dont hide it, we encourage it,

and visitation is not for family members.... visitation is for the children..

DAD has been present every single second of every visitation except one afternoon he had to go to work at SPRING BREAK back in march/april area...lying b*****

god, what do we do now, write a letter? yeah what will that do

file for emergency help? yeah the attorney will refuse to coordinate and the what will the judge think

this poor kid... his bio mom thinks he's just a pawn used to piss off dad

sorry for the vent
i just dont know what to do, every holiday, every visit more than two days the bio-mom does this crap.... everything for her, nothing for the child, nothing for dad.... we already have 6 pending motions for contempt for stuff just like this... she doesn't care....


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RE: dads??? someone less emotional, got any advice
« Reply #1 on: Nov 25, 2003, 09:16:06 AM »

dont know how impartial I will be (being a NCP dad) but with regards first to the picking up for Xmas...if the court order says the day school ends then I would, if you have one, contact my attorney and have a contempt motion ready to be filed. and dont apologize for th event everyone needs to get some steam off every now and then.  Why is the attorney sending a letter to you and not your representation (forgive the stupid question)...and yes it sucks that some parents view the kids as pawns to get back at the former SO..as far as bio-moms contact during Xmas vacation is there anything in the agreement that states when she gets contact..how would she and her lawyer feel if they were to receive a letter stating that she has x, y , and z times available only for contact. Yes I know that that would mean resorting to playing her silly little game with the little one but it seems as if that is what she might be trying to get you to do...bumps and bruises are a good thing when gotten by being outside and being a kid so she and her lawyer need to grow up and realize that kids get bumps and bruises from playing it happens..sounds like mom needs to figure out this isnt about her and whatever petty crap she may harbor but it is about doing what is best for the little one..


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RE: dads??? someone less emotional, got any advice
« Reply #2 on: Nov 25, 2003, 09:33:09 AM »
>Why is the attorney sending a letter to you and not your representation

dad is pro se

>agreement that states when she gets contact..how would she and
>her lawyer feel if they were to receive a letter stating that
>she has x, y , and z times available only for contact. Yes I
>know that that would mean resorting to playing her silly
>little game with the little one but it seems as if that is

dad sent her entire family a letter about a 10 months ago that said they could call our house ANYTIME son was with us, however, most efficient time to call to reach us during the week was xxxx and on weekends, anytime and to please not call later than xxx on weekdays due to sleeping children.

we have NEVER restricted their access, in fact numerous family members from mom's side call our house during the summer, however, dad is the ONLY person EVERY allowed to call their house no matter what.

dad hasn't even seen this fax yet, he's still at work... god what a horrible way for him to start his holiday...

we just want equal access / equal rights / and peace


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been there done that !
« Reply #3 on: Nov 25, 2003, 10:28:40 AM »
First I will vent a bit !
  I have been going through this for several years And there has been some responses that have recognised My great frustration with this kind of crap,
   Here's My response , Some atty's engage in trying to stir things up , There is no doubt that this is more easily recogniseable than You may think, The letter from the atty Is [I believe] Meant to make you very angry and react ,
    Don't react with anger , I have, and it has hurt My case as far as  the GAL report , If I could go Back and get this through My head , If My atty would have took me to a sweat box and put thumb screws on Me and forced Me to listen Iwould Be better off ,[Please listen ]
   This is My advice and My atty's advice, And I am finally getting it ! Respond with a very nice letter that is a document from a civil Mind and personality , Let Your civil responses to this crap Be a longstanding history of interaction , Let Me give the example that will Make you see what I realised ,
    Mom Sends a similar nasty letter About school and that I am NOT to just go to school to [HANG OUT ]  with My son etc , The irony is he is in pre school and is 4 YO , And the school aggreed that I could come and do a small project etc with son ,
   Next line of crap :My visits start while He is in Pre-school, So Hence Another  Nasty letter about My visits interfering with toddlers pre school etc
   My civil response , I would be glad to pick up from school at 3 PM so Mom doesn't have to go get son , And then drop Him off to me at 4:30 PM , And I could travel before rush hour , Making it so Mom doesn;'t have to spend her time from 3PM to 4:30
     Mom Had another Nasty response !! This all went to the GAL ,
  So ask Your self what Is the best way to Make the Mother continue to write nasty letters , And allow you to write civil letters , This makes who's doing what Very obvious ,
    My atty said keep doing it ," keep going to the school keep interacting It pisses her off and she does all this nasty letter writeng" ,
   SO I am saying My expierience is : Let her put a bunch of documents into writeing , And You put a bunch of very nice documents into writeing ,
   As a note My response to Your letter would be .
    Dear Mr atty Please check the court order specifically [Where it shows the pick up times ] And please Be advised , [ quote from My atty to this kind of crap] My client intends to exorcise every right and all court ordered visitation , And use every legal means available to him to ensure that this is carried out , Please inform your client that the court order say's , X,Y,Z and He will be there at the court ordered time to pick up the child and exorcise His rights ,
        Sincerely : John Doe atty ,representing DAD,
   As a note to the predictability of these types My atty has been telling Me all all along that these types will back down before trial ,
   Sure enough Her atty saw Mine at court a few day's ago and asked to settle out of court , Her atty openly stated , He does not want to take this to trial !
   So look at this as an open invitation to show civil behavior and keep interacting , You should have seen the look on the monsters face when I showed up at childs school and asked questions and interacted normally during the schools open house night , I would have loved it if she would have freaked out on Me , I would have just stood there and let her be a jerk , But instead Her and her boy friend ,sheapishly left the meating as soon as it was over , I could feel the tension amoungst the other people there , I am certain that she went and told some fabulous stories to them and I was very nice and they saw a normal person , And there was a bit of hesitation on the part of the teachers etc , But then they saw that I was there for My son and ONLY concentrated on things at the school that pertained to My son


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proposed letter
« Reply #4 on: Nov 25, 2003, 10:58:39 AM »
here is what i've come up with;

Dear Attorney;

Please review the Mediated Settlement Agreement, which specifically states that the Father shall have contact on Thursday’s between 6:30 and 7:00 p.m.  I have not found any clause which states that holidays are excluded.  I will be happy to entertain offers from your client which allow her to enjoy her holiday dinner and allow me to keep in contact with my son, however, a makeup call a week later is not acceptable nor reasonable.  Please ensure that xxx is available for me to call him at the specified date and time, or you may advise me as to which of the xxx’s cell phone numbers I may contact him at as I will be at my family’s house for the holidays.

Please review the Mediated Settlement Agreement, which specifically states that the Father shall have the first half of Christmas break from the “close of school” until 12/26.  Please have your client re-read the agreement.  If she desires to discuss alternatives to the court order I will entertain them, however, they must be mutually agreeable, not dictated.  

I am willing to entertain the following to accomodate your client; Christmas visitation for the 2003 year only, shall begin on Friday, December 19th at 7:00 p.m. and end on Saturday, December 27th at 2:00 p.m.

I fully intend to exercise every right and all court ordered visitation, and use every legal means available to me to ensure that this is carried out.  Please inform your client of the exact wording of the court order and that I will be there at the court ordered date to pick up xxx and exercise my right.

Kind regards,

Whatcha think?


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RE: dads??? someone less emotional, got any advice
« Reply #5 on: Nov 25, 2003, 11:32:59 AM »
who the F*** does this guy think he is?

Why he's the guy who charges 200 bucks an hour to yank your chain.  Lawyers, ughhhh!

Personally, I haven't gotten snotty letters from lawyers, but used to get snotty emails from my ex.  He knows exactly what buttons to push, and I fell for it every time.  That is why I blocked sender.  For starters, write a completely nasty, vicious, seething reply....then rip it up!  

How old is your stepson?  My kids can call their father any time they want to.  It's trying to get a hold of him that 's the problem.  If he is old enough, I don't see why he can't call you on Thanksgiving.  Okay, mommy is being a totally controlling sh*t, and won't allow him to use the phone, right?

Politely and cheerfully inform the attorney that xmas visitation will be exercised as written in the court papers.  To make sure there are no communication problems, DH will have the Sheriff accompany him to son's home. I would go to whomever has jurisdiction, and show them the court order and ask for civil standby first, before you lay down the law.  Without mutual agreement,  the court order stands as written. (ok people-quit laughing) I got a note mailed to me from my ex, stating that he would be out of town until Dec. 26th.  His visitation this year starts from when the kids get out of school, until xmas afternoon.  If the kids want to go with him after xmas, well fine.  When I first read the note, my first thought was, "Go To Hell".  He decides when he sees the kids.  Occasionally I have plans, so it was like 4 weeks until he saw them again.  This last weekend, he picked them up on Saturday afternoon(instead of Friday), and then dropped them off the next day.  

Little boys, and lots of little girls play rough and get bruised.  Any reasonable person knows that.  The boy's mother is not a reasonable person.  It's really hard not to blow your cork when you deal with these kinds of people.

Is there any way you can get a lawyer?  Yeah I know, but it might be the only way to straighten out this mess.  Her attorney is an asshole, and you need to fight fire with fire.

Anyway I understand your frustration.  I would definitely go the civil standby route for xmas, though.


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so much for HTML tags :-(
« Reply #6 on: Nov 25, 2003, 11:34:02 AM »
I can't format my posts?


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RE: proposed letter
« Reply #7 on: Nov 25, 2003, 11:37:04 AM »
Oh I like it!  Very legal :-)

I suggested civil standby to ensure there wouldn't be any misunderstanding about the date for xmas visitation.  


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RE: Bm's attorney is always firing off letters.
« Reply #8 on: Nov 25, 2003, 11:42:18 AM »
he doesn't care what the decree says, if bm calls him saying this and that, he sends a letter repeating her rantings and Bills her.  Then he gets to bill her for the returned letter from us or our attorney and bill for even more time to explain the letter.  Over time though they have slowed greatly.

I wouldn't take it to personally but I would respond with very short unemotional responses.

Dear Lawyer,

Thank you for the information on XXX perscriptions. As XX's parent I do and will continue to have concerns and questions about his medical care. As such I will use my right as his parent in the future to contact his doctors and their records.  

Telephone make up time 6 days late is not acceptable, however I am willing to work with XX on a make up time. XXX can make arrangements for child to be available on Friday at xx time or Saturday at xxx times (what ever 2 times work for you, but will allow her a choice) or he will need to be available on Thanksgiving for the regular court ordered contact.  If xxx will not be at his home for telephone contact on either of those days.  XXX can have the child call me at her expense.

I will be excercising my Christmas vacation per the current court order which states the following:

the day child gets out of school....

Attached is a copy of XXX school calender as you will note Christmas break begins on XXX day.

Please inform your client that not having XXX ready at the said pick up time, will result in a motion for contempt on visitation denial.

XX is welcome to call and talk with child on any day from 8am to 8pm(or whatever your waking hours are).  If we are unavailabe when she calls I will have child return her call at our earliest convienance.

Child will be returned according to the terms of the decree.

If your client has any questions about visitation she should ask to ensure she has accurate information I will be happy to explain.  Child is a normal active child during visitation and will occasionally recieve bumps and bruises.  As a concerned parent I take every precation possible to prevent injuries.  I am also reguarly present for visitation


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RE: dads??? someone less emotional, got any advice
« Reply #9 on: Nov 25, 2003, 12:32:53 PM »

I feel for you. and I know that napalm is not an option although it might help...I hope you did interpret what I was saying as you had restricted access that is not what i was trying to say. What I was trying to say is that the only way it seems to beat her is to play her game, but the problem with that is the little one suffers...it is a bummer the court system is not a bit more timely in hearing your contempt motions although I have to agree with you that they might not help in the big picture...


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